Sacrificial Love

On Saturday, February 22, 2025, I officiated Crystal and Michael’s wedding ceremony at St. Stephen's Catholic Church in Midland, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Crystal and Michael stress threads common to both of their upbringings when they talk about their parents.

Michael says: “As a veteran of the Yom Kippur War, my father chose to raise his two sons in the US. My father was a hard worker and willing to make many sacrifices for his family. He received his dental license in Poland but drove a taxi when coming to the US to study for his licensing in the US. My father left an impression on me to work hard to achieve what you want even though it may not be the shortest path.”  

Crystal says: “My mom and dad worked really hard to provide for my brother and myself. They were so young and had many financial struggles. My dad became a licensed electrician to provide for his family and my mom worked as a bookkeeper at a bank… My parents always wanting better for my brother and me.”

This love that their parents showed towards them is what we would call sacrificial love, and this idea is common to both of their religious traditions. In Christianity this idea is quite obvious, and it is exemplified in Jesus’ sacrifice. In Judaism, we see an example of this in the mystical idea of tzimtzum, literally contraction or withdrawal, in which God whose presence is everywhere, contracts to make room for creation.

Sacrificial love is central to marriage. In marriage, two people, each with their own characteristics, their own strengths and weaknesses, come together to form a union grounded in love. However, in order to thrive, each must not only take sustenance from the marriage, but give of themselves, so the other might thrive, so that the new being that comes to life, their marriage, may succeed. 

Crystal and Michael, what we hope for you is that you continue to follow your parents’ lessons, and that you love for each other be emblematic of God’s love for you. In this, may you find true happiness.

Better Place

Saturday afternoon, I officiated Allyson’s and Josh’s wedding ceremony at the Carlisle Room, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I am an eighth-generation rabbi, so it’s kind of like the family business. Now, few Jewish parents dream of their children becoming rabbis, a fact that has repeatedly vexed parents on my paternal line. As another fellow former Orthodox rabbi, Jackie Mason, said, the choice is clear for most Jewish parents, doctor. In fact, while our state is in huge strife over when a fetus becomes viable, most Jewish theologians agree, a fetus becomes viable when it graduates medical school.

My father, who like me only served as a congregational rabbi for a short time, once said that despite that fact, you can take the rabbi out of the shul, but you can’t take the shul out of the rabbi. And though this is no double-blind study, according to Allyson, the same may be true for psychiatrists. 

Just listen to her description of the genesis of their relationship, “Our first 3 dates were all 5 hours long. He’s a great listener and easy to talk to. He got all the information out of me without even having to ask.” 

Seriously, though, she made quite an impression on him, and continues to do so, “Allyson was interesting and funny, had a very unique perspective on things, and of course was incredibly beautiful. She is consistently surprising me with things she does, knows, says. I felt (and continue to feel) very lucky and fortunate and thankful to have met her. Allyson is amazing and I can’t possibly imagine a life without her.”

One of the most important aspects of Allyson and Josh’s relationship has been their Judaism. They talk about how they live our lives in a way that is very much grounded in Jewish principles, specifically, belonging to something greater than themselves, and leaving the world a better place than how they found it.

Now, you might wonder, again, as a rabbi, why didn’t I just start with that? Didn’t I say that I was trying to share something I learned? What’s with all the sappy stuff that preceded it? 

You see, though, that is exactly it. Without any judgement towards those who don’t find it, Judaism is very clear that to make the world a better place, you need that other person. It’s just too hard to do it on your own. You need, in Allyson’s words, a partner, a companion, a lover. 

This may be why fellow Jew, Rachel Platten, in Better Place, says in words that speak for Allyson and Josh, “There's a song in my heart, I feel like I belong. It's a better place since you came along.” What a lovely thought to begin married life with!

Medicine and Prayer

Tuesday night I participated in an interfaith Zoom discussion on healing through prayer vs. healing through medicine.

The question being considered here reminds me of an old Jewish tale about two Jews who had a dispute. They came to the town rabbi and asked him to resolve it. The rabbi carefully listened to the first man and said, “You’re right!” Then he carefully listened to the second man and said, “You’re right!” His wife, who was sitting just a few feet away, exclaimed: “ They can’t both be right!” The rabbi said: “You’re right, too!”

Seriously, traditional Judaism favors the rabbi’s first instinct. You could say that it follows the one rule of improv comedy: “Yes and”.

The foundational book of Judaism is the Talmud. In truth, it is less a book than an edited multigenerational discussion. In the Tractate or volume called Bava Kama on folio 85, it says as follows:

''ורפא ירפא'' (שמות כא', יט') מכאן שניתנה רשות לרופא לרפאות.

It quotes from Exodus 21/19. That scripture says that a person who strikes his fellow is obligated to pay for the cost of nursing him back to health.

So, the Talmud says, from this we understand that it is permissible for a doctor to heal. For if this was not permissible, obviously there would be no obligation for this man to pay to heal his fellow.

The Tosafists, who studied the Talmud in France in the 12-13th Centuries expound on that, that once it is established that it is permissible, what stems from that is that it is actually obligatory. Because, elsewhere it has been established that saving a life is so important that one is obligated to transgress almost any commandment in order to save a life.

At the same time the Talmud tells us in Tractate Bava Batra on folio 116:

כל שיש לו חולה בתוך ביתו ילך אצל חכם ויבקש עליו רחמים.

Whoever has an ill person in his home, he should go to a wise man and have him beg for mercy on his behalf.

And the Amidah, the central prayer around which each Jewish worship service is built includes this blessing:

רְפָאֵנוּ ה' וְנֵרָפֵא, הוֹשִׁיעֵנוּ וְנִוָּשֵׁעָה, כִּי תְהִלָּתֵנוּ אָתָּה,
וְהַעֲלֵה רְפוּאָה שְׁלֵמָה לְכֹל מַכּוֹתֵינוּ.
כִּי אֵל מֶלֶך רוֹפֵא נֶאֱמָן וְרַחֲמָן אָתָּה.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה', רוֹפֵא חוֹלֵי עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל.

Heal us, O Lord, and we shall be healed, save us and we shall be saved, for You are our praise. Bring complete healing to all our wounds, for You are God and King, the faithful and merciful healer. Blessed are You, O Lord, Who heals the sick of his people Israel.

So, once again, traditional Judaism favors the rabbi’s first instinct: Not either/or, but yes and.

My Person

Saturday evening, I officiated Brooke and Eric’s wedding ceremony at the Dallas/Plano Marriott at Legacy Town Center in Plano, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I always ask couples how they found me. Sometimes they went searching on the internet, sometimes their wedding planner referred them to me, and sometimes a friend recommended me. And, sometimes, they were actual guests at a wedding I officiated. That is how Brooke and Eric found me. I officiated their friends, Rachel and Mark’s wedding.

Here is where things get really interesting, though. They, specifically, cited something I said during these personal remarks that they felt described not only Rachel and Mark, but them too. That is the concept of someone being, “my person.”

Faith Fishkin writes, “The term ‘my person’ originated from the show ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ My own personal definition is the person you go to for everything, the person you can’t live without, the person you can’t stay mad at, and the person that supports you in everything that you do. Being someone’s ‘person’ is a commitment. There is a very big difference between being someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend and being someone’s person. When someone is your person, you have such a deep connection and understanding of one another -- you pretty much know each other like the back of your hand.”

Now, true enough, your “person” need not necessarily be the same as your romantic partner. However, sometimes, as is the case with Brooke and Eric, you hit the jackpot, and you get both in one tidy package.

One way in which to use Fishkin’s words, Brooke and Eric support each other in everything they do is in their approach to their Judaism. You see, there can be different approaches to following your faith tradition. You can follow it because you believe God told you to. You can follow it because it is part of your tradition.

However, there is an approach that takes this one step further. Some people ask, why did God tell me to do this or what utility is there in observing this thing that is part of my tradition? Brooke and Eric ask this question. Brooke speaks for both of them, when she gives this answer: “My involvement in the Jewish community… has helped me understand the importance of community and the power of being with others in our tradition. It is through my Judaism that I have learned to do acts of kindness and mitzvot on a daily basis. In the future, I hope to expand my roots and I pray that Eric and I will be able to pass these values onto our children. As the years go on, I look forward to continuing to live a meaningful life elevated by my Judaism.”

My friends, let us all find inspiration in these words, and let us strive for, in Brooke’s words, “a meaningful life elevated,” by whatever tradition, philosophy or approach we live by.

Creation and Evolution

Sunday evening I officiated Kim and Chris’s wedding at Cityplace in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I always ask couples two questions that coming from anybody else in any other circumstance, would be considered highly rude. Why do you want to get married, and why now? These are really important questions, and couples should know how to answer them, for their own sake. As you might imagine, I get a huge variety of answers. However, Chris' answer to this question stands out, even among the myriad of other grooms who quote Ancient Greek philosophers:

"Plato wrote that humans were once male and female and had four arms four legs. Zeus was threatened by humans, and so he split them into two beings. From then every human would forever long for his or her other half, the other half of his or her soul. It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified, that they would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that. Nothing," ends Chris, "better describes how I feel about Kimmy and why I want to marry her and marry her now."

Wow. Isn't that cool?! I am not entirely sure, but I think this is why Kim calls Chris her lobster. (They have four legs right?) Then again, how much can a rabbi really understand about seafood...?

Now the interesting thing is that this legend exists in the Judeo-Christian tradition too. In fact, it lies at the heart of the often misunderstood second creation story in Genesis. The way we usually understand the story is that God takes one of Adam's ribs and builds from it woman. However, a closer reading of the Hebrew reveals that this translation, found in the King James Bible is wrong. The words for rib and side are interchangeable, and the correct interpretation is that God slices the primordial Adam into two - two sides that were up until then one.

Now, you might ask, if this story found both in Plato's writings and in the Hebrew Bible reflects a certain truth, why is it that we don't all experience love at first sight, when we find that other half? Kim and Chris in their stories about themselves and each other address that, in fact. For though there are beautiful lessons to be learned from creation myths, we know as Judaism and Episcopalian Christianity acknowledge, that this world was not created, ad nihilo. None of our worlds spring fully grown out of nothing, and that is a good thing. This world, all worlds, in the collective sense and the individual sense, evolve. Kim vividly describes how she had to evolve to the point, where she could seek her long lost half, Chris. Chris vividly describes how he had to evolve to the point, where he could seek his long lost half, Kim. And when they came together, they did indeed feel that unspoken understanding of one another, but they still had to evolve as a couple. With time, with growth, with learning, with faith, and with love of themselves and of each other, they evolved and reached that moment of unity, where they would know no greater joy.

In this, in the tension we must exist in, between finding what and who was created for us, and that towards which we must evolve, Kim and Chris teach us a huge lesson, one we would all do well to heed.

Following Their Own Path - An Alternative Reading of a Talmudic Story

This last Saturday evening (12/6), I officiated Jenny and Pablo's wedding ceremony at the St. Regis Hotel in Mexico City, Mexico. This was the fifth time I officiated a ceremony entirely in Spanish. Here are the personal remarks I shared, followed by an English translation of these remarks:

Pensando en Jenny y en Pablo, me acordé de un héroe literario, uno que pocos conocen, incluso en el mundo judío, llamado Elisha ben Avuyah. Como un anti-héroe en el Talmud, el libro de 60 volúmenes sobre la ley y las tradiciones, se habla de él en ocasiones como “Acher”, que en Hebreo significa “otro”, y que es probablemente una amalgama de dos personas reales.

¿Qué fue tan especial sobre Elisha? Bueno, fue uno de los estudiosos más importantes de la Torah en el periodo durante y después de la destrucción de Jerusalem en el Siglo primero. Esta era una época en que nadie sabía si el judaísmo sobreviviría. Las tradiciones judías, que llevamos hasta este mismo día, fueron fundadas durante este periodo crucial. Elisha fue parte de este esfuerzo y sus enseñanzas son el núcleo del Pensamiento Talmúdico, como fue entregado a su discípulo, el Rabino Meir.

Y después, rompió con la tradición. Las leyendas talmúdicas varían de nuevo en el por qué, y ya que no vieron este acto positivamente, son de dudoso valor en asegurar exactamente qué ocurrió. Lo que parece cierto, sin embargo, como muchas tradiciones talmúdicas admiten con disgusto, es que él no se separó de los estándares del cumplimiento judío que aún se estaban desarrollando, por tener alguna falla moral o de carácter.

Por el contrario, ellos admiten que rompió con la tradición, porque no estuvo de acuerdo con algunas de las bases filosóficas que los rabinos talmúdicos como él fueron poniendo como fundamentos del judaísmo futuro. También, quería buscar las respuestas que no podía hallar en lo que él consideró era un campo muy estrecho. Fue el mismo estudio intelectual en el que estaba comprometido, el que lo apartó. Tenía que ser honesto consigo mismo, expandir sus horizontes, y seguir sus propias conclusiones intelectuales.

Quizá es por esto que el Rabino Meir, para el asombro de otros rabinos, continuó estudiando con él. De hecho, el Talmud cuenta una fascinante historia sobre una sesión de estudio entre ambos personajes. Esta parte en especial es la que me hizo pensar en Jenny y en Pablo. La historia nos cuenta que un día de Shabat, Elisha estaba montando a caballo, (un acto prohibido para la tradición judía en este día de descanso), y el Rabino Meir caminaba a su lado, mientras analizaban las complejidades de un texto. Elisha hizo una pausa en un punto y le dijo al Rabino Meir que ha contado los pasos del caballo, y que ha llegado al límite en que uno puede caminar en Shabat, y que por esta razón el Rabino debería de regresar. El Rabino contestó con una expresión de muchas interpretaciones: “Regresa conmigo”. Con esto se refirió no solamente a que su gran maestro debería de regresar a la ciudad, sino que debería de regresar a la tradición judía.

La leyenda talmúdica termina con diferentes tipos de respuestas en las que Elisha se expresa con dificultad, supuestamente admitiendo que debería regresar pero que no puede. Claro, esta es la forma en la que los rabinos cuentan la historia. Yo, sin embargo, pienso que hay una razón legítima para leer el final de forma distinta.

La historia en el Talmud es contada desde el punto de vista del Rabino Meir. No obstante, volteemos la mirada y cambiemos de lentes, y pensemos la historia desde el punto de vista de Elisha. Primero que nada, ¿por qué ha decidido continuar sus estudios con su alumno, el Rabino Meir? Bueno, sería legítimo deducir que él ama estudiar. Ama la búsqueda intelectual por su propio bien, y por el conocimiento filosófico profundo que se encuentra en éste. Y no solamente se dedicó a estudiar por su cuenta, sino que siempre enseñó a su estudiante, el Rabino Meir, porque enseñar es la mejor forma para que uno mismo aprenda.

Pero hay más cosas aquí. Elisha se conecta más con los aspectos intelectuales y culturales de su tradición, y no tanto con los aspectos religiosos de ésta. Sin embargo, por el gran amor por su estudiante, es considerado y respetuoso con el hecho de que el Rabino Meir se relacione más con los aspectos religiosos de la fe.

No obstante, cuando el Rabino Meir le pide que regrese a la tradición, yo imagino a Elisha sonriéndole desde su caballo, con una sonrisa llena de un amor profundo y un significado todavía más profundo. Con esa sonrisa, le dice al Rabino Meir, que aunque lo quiere mucho, no puede regresar. Él ha establecido una visión del mundo sensata y firme, igual de legítima que la del Rabino Meir. Ellos ven el mundo de forma distinta. Él está tan cómodo en su perspectiva secular del mundo como el Rabino Meir está en su perspectiva religiosa del mundo. Y aún así, pueden coexistir. Incluso imagino a Elisha mirando desde su caballo 2000 años hacia el futuro, en donde un acercamiento a la vida como éste prevalece.

Ahora, ¿Por qué la historia de Jenny y Pablo me hizo pensar en la historia de Elisha?, bueno, en parte debería ya de ser obvio. Solamente hay que leer entre las líneas. ¡Jenny y Pablo les pueden enseñar cómo!

Pero elaboraré algunos puntos. Ellos dos se reunieron por el estudio, por una búsqueda intelectual, y por el amor al aprendizaje mismo. Y sé, que si las últimas 251 parejas que he casado los hubieran conocido, no se ofenderían si digo que ellos seguramente son la pareja más inteligente que he casado hasta ahora!

Sin embargo, los estudios y la inteligencia tienen un límite en el camino. Puedes vivir una vida bifurcada y muchos lo hacen, en donde conclusiones intelectuales se mantienen a raya. Este no es el caso de Jenny y Pablo. Ellos han sido valientes en sus estudios e intrépidos en su búsqueda intelectual, como Elisha, siendo intensamente honestos con ellos mismos, llevando estos estudios a sus conclusiones lógicas. Y, como Elisha, ven en el estudiar juntos y en la enseñanza, en muchos entornos diferentes, el mejor camino para alcanzar alturas intelectuales.

Pero la parte más importante es el resto de la historia. Jenny y Pablo rinden homenaje a sus respectivos trasfondos a través de esta misma ceremonia. No obstante, están en un camino ligeramente distinto, uno que se teje dentro de las tradiciones que reconocen. Este camino, arraigado en un intelecto profundo, fundado en un estudio cuidadoso, y comprometido en el pensamiento y discurso actuales, es el camino que abrazan hoy, y el camino que seguirán en el futuro, con el más profundo amor por todos ustedes, su familia y amigos.

English Translation:

Thinking about Jenny and Pablo, I was reminded of one of my personal literary heroes, one few people even in the Jewish world know of, Elisha ben Avuyah. As an anti-hero in the Talmud, the great 60 volume book of law and lore, he is sometimes referred to as "Acher", which is Hebrew for "Other", and is probably an amalgamation of two actual real life people.

What was so special about Elisha? Well, he was one of the giants of Torah scholarship in the period during and after the destruction of Jerusalem in the First Century. This was a time when no one knew if Judaism would survive. The traditions Judaism lives with to this very day were laid down during that crucial period. Elisha was part of this effort, and his teachings are at the core of Talmudic Thought, as handed down to his disciple, Rabbi Meir.

And then, he broke with tradition. The Talmudic legends once again vary as to why, and since they did not view this act positively, they are of dubious value in ascertaining exactly what happened. What seems clear, though, as most Talmudic traditions begrudgingly admit, is that he did not turn away from the still developing standards of Jewish observance, because he had any moral or character flaw.

On the contrary, they admit that he broke with tradition, because he disagreed with some of the philosophical underpinnings that the Talmudic Rabbis like him were laying as the foundation of future Judaism. He also wanted to look for the answers he could not find in what he found too narrow a field. It was the very intellectual study he was engaged in, that turned him away. He had to be honest with himself, widen his horizons, and follow his intellectual conclusions.

Perhaps because of this, Rabbi Meir, to the consternation of the other Rabbis, continued to study with him. In fact the Talmud recounts a fascinating story about such a study session. This study session specifically is the one that made me think of Jenny and Pablo. It tells us that one Sabbath Elisha was riding a horse (an act forbidden by Jewish tradition on the day of rest) and Rabbi Meir was walking beside him, as they dissected the intricacies of a text. Elisha paused at one point, and told Rabbi Meir that he had counted the horse's strides, and having reached the boundary beyond which one should not travel on the Sabbath, Rabbi Meir should turn back. Rabbi Meir responded, in a multi-layered expression, "Return with me." In this he meant that his great teacher should not only return to town, but return to living by the laws of the Jewish tradition.

Now, the Talmudic legends end with different types of mealy mouthed responses of Elisha, supposedly admitting that he should but cannot. Of course, that is the way Rabbis tell the story. I, however, think there is legitimate reason to read the end differently.

The story in the Talmud is, as to be expected, told from the point of view of Rabbi Meir. However, let's switch the lens, and think about this from the point of view of Elisha. First of all, why has he continued to study with his student, Rabbi Meir? Well, it would be legitimate to deduce that he loves to study. He loves the intellectual pursuit for its own sake, and for the deep philosophical inquiry involved with it. And he did not just engage in study on his own. He kept teaching his student, Rabbi Meir, because teaching is the best way for you yourself to learn.

There is more here, though. Elisha himself connects to the intellectual and cultural aspects of his tradition, and not so much the religious aspects of this tradition. However, due to his great love for his student, he is mindful and respectful of the fact that Rabbi Meir connects to those religious aspects of the faith.

However, when Rabbi Meir asks him to return to tradition, I imagine him smiling down him from atop the horse, with a smile full of deep love and deeper meaning. With that smile he tells Rabbi Meir that though he still greatly loves him, he can't really return. He has established a firm and well thought out world-view, as legitimate as Rabbi Meir's. They see the world differently. He is as comfortable in his secular world-view as Rabbi Meir is in his religious point of view, and they can co-exist. I even imagine Elisha looking from atop his horse 2000 years into the future, where such an approach to life prevails.

Now, why did Jenny and Pablo's story make me think of Elisha's story? Well, in part it should be obvious already. Just read between the lines. Jenny and Pablo can show you how!

However, allow me to elaborate on a few points. These two came together because of study, because of intellectual pursuit, because of learning for learning's sake. And, I know that if the previous 251 couples I have married knew them, they would not be offended by my saying that they are positively the smartest couple I have married so far!

However, smarts and studies will only take you so far. You can and many do live bifurcated lives, where intellectual conclusions are kept at bay. Not so with Jenny and Pablo. They have been brave in their studies and fearless in their intellectual pursuits, like Elisha remaining fiercely honest with themselves, following these studies to their logical conclusions. And, like Elisha, they see studying together and teaching, in many different settings, as the best way to reach intellectual heights.

But the most important part is the rest of the story. Jenny and Pablo pay homage to their respective backgrounds through this very ceremony. However, they are on a slightly different path, one weaved within the traditions they acknowledge. This path, rooted in deep intellect, founded on careful study, and engaged in ongoing thought and discourse, is the path they embrace today, and the path they will continue to follow tomorrow, with the deepest love for all of you, their family and friends.

Communal Connection

Saturday evening (8/31) I officiated Sarah and Edmund's wedding at the Windsor at Hebron Park in Carrollton, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

In the United States we have many different options when it comes to wedding officiants. Therefore, whenever someone contacts me to officiate their wedding, I ask why having a rabbi, specifically, officiate their wedding is important to them.

I get a variety of wonderful and thoughtful answers. I particularly loved the answer I got from Sarah and Edmund. They wanted to get it right from the very start. They wanted Judaism to be a serious and integral part of their shared life and the life of their future children.

Now this might seem like a simple, even simplistic question, but why do people seek to connect with their heritage? Why do WE seek to connect with our Jewish culture?

I believe that the answer lies in the very core of our souls. We all seek meaning in our lives. We can find meaning in ideas and truths we discover. However, the greatest meaning is not found in the I, rather in the thou. The greatest meaning is found through our relationships, through our connecting with others, through our community.

Our cultures give us communal connections both vertical and horizontal, if you will. Through our heritage, passed down to us, we connect with the community of the past. Through passing on our rich civilization to our children, we connect to the community of the future. Through involvement in our culture today, we connect with the community of the present.

Each one of us interprets these connections differently. It is not for naught that we say, "Two Jews, three opinions..."  This is the great beauty of our Jewish culture. It encourages each of us, nay, demands of each of us to do what Sarah and Edmund seek to do in the new home they form today, to form community, to build anew, and to take it and make it our own.

Lifelong Learning in the Broadest Sense

On Saturday night (12/22) I officiated Florencia and Gustavo's wedding ceremony at Casona San Ignacio in Santiago, Chilé. This is the first wedding I officiated entirely in Spanish. Here is an English translation of the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Friends, one of the most fascinating things about the Jewish tradition is that a Jewish scholar, be he the greatest scholar of his generation, is referred to as a talmid chacham, literally a wise student. That is because Judaism so values the idea of lifelong learning. Whenever I officiate a wedding, I ask myself, this couple, being unique individuals, what can I learn from them, what are they; consciously or perhaps unconsciously, teaching me, and indeed us?

In fact what I think we can learn from Florencia and Gustavo is just that - the importance of lifelong learning in the broadest sense. They are first and foremost learners. They relish learning. They look for opportunities to learn. They try to learn from every person and from every situation.

What qualities do these two exhibit that enable them to be the ultimate learners?

They are very self-aware and deeply self-reflective. They have never really been interested in conforming and doing something just because others do it. They highly value difference - be it different outlooks, different cultures and especially different people. They know that nothing worth having comes easy. They are thoroughly independent. Perhaps the most important thing is they care very deeply about others, and they realize that in almost any situation, the healthiest approach is to realize, that it is really not about you.

The really cool thing is that they live by this creed not only in their individual lives, but in their life as a couple. In fact that makes their relationship so strong, since the very qualities that make a person a lifelong learner are the qualities that will make a person an ideal lifelong partner.

Florencia and Gustavo, thank you for this vital lesson. May you continue to live your lives in this very fashion for many happy years to come.

And here they are, as I actually did them in Spanish:

Amigos, una de las cosas más fascinantes de la tradición Judía, es que un sabio Judío, aunque sea el mayor sabio de su generación, es llamado talmid chacham; literalmente, estudiante sabio. Esto es porque el Judaismo valora mucho la idea del aprendizaje a lo largo de la vida. Cada vez que oficio en un matrimonio, me pregunto; ¿De esta pareja, siendo individuos únicos, qué puedo aprender? ¿Qué es lo que ellos, consciente o tal vez inconscientemente, me enseñan a mí, y a todos nosotros?

En efecto, lo que creo que podemos aprender de Florencia y Gustavo, es precisamente eso – la importancia de un aprendizaje a lo largo de toda la vida, en el sentido más amplio. Ellos son, primero y ante todo, estudiantes. Aman el saber. Buscan oportunidades para aprender. Intentan aprender de cada persona y cada situación.

¿Qué cualidades tienen, que les permiten ser grandes aprendices?

Son muy conscientes de sí mismos, y profundamente auto-reflexivos. Nunca han estado interesados en conformarse, y hacer algo sólo porque otros lo hacen. Valoran mucho lo distinto – ya sea un aspecto distinto, una cultura distinta y, especialmente, personas distintas. Saben que nada que valga la pena se consigue sin esfuerzo. Son sumamente independientes. Tal vez lo más importante es que se preocupan profundamente de los demás, y se dan cuenta de que, en casi toda ocasión, lo mas sano es notar que la situación no gira en torno a ellos.

La cosa más increible es que viven bajo ese credo, no solo en sus vidas individuales, sino que también en su vida como pareja. De hecho, esto fortalece su relación, pues las cualidades que hacen de alguien un gran aprendiz, son las mismas cualidades que hacen de una persona una pareja de vida ideal.

Forencia y Gustavo, gracias por esta vital lección. Esperamos que continúen viviendo sus vidas de la misma forma, por todos los felices años que vendrán.

Kristin and Brian – Their Differences Strengthen Them

I wanted to point out two facts about Kristin and Brian, that when juxtaposed, remind us of something fundamental and important. Anyone who knows Kristin will tell you how devout she is, how her faith in Jesus permeates her daily life. Anyone who knows Brian will tell you how growing up with few Jews around him strengthened his commitment to the Jewish People, and made Judaism central to his identity.

Now listen to what each says about the other. Brian says, “I love her passion for what she does and that no matter how bad of a day we might be having, all we need is to hear each other’s voice and we begin to feel better. Kristin makes me laugh all the time and has many of the same priorities that I do. We both are very family oriented. We both enjoy just having a nice quiet relaxing evening together… We both love to travel and experience new things in new cities… I am so excited to have Kristin be a part of my family and have me be a part of hers.” Kristin says, “Brian is… is my best friend. When I look at him, I see someone that I am excited about spending the rest of my life with. Even when we are just hanging out at my apartment watching television I am excited to be with him. I also see the man that I want to be the father of my children. I am ready to marry Brian now because I am excited to take our relationship to yet another level and grow together as husband and wife.”

Kristin and Brian remind us of something that should be obvious, simple, almost simplistic, yet so missing today. We can agree to disagree. We each can have strong beliefs that we are passionate about, and still share love and happiness together. More than that, as Kristin and Brian will each tell you, our differences can actually strengthen our bond, our spirituality, and our individual faiths. So, I feel we owe you, Kristin and Brian, a debt of gratitude for reminding us of this important idea. Let us all heed your message and follow your example in our private and public lives, and through that make this world a better place.

Becky and Larry – A Great Pair of Learners

This last Sunday I officiated Becky and Larry’s wedding in Riverside County in California. Becky and Larry are both intriguing individuals. Becky is a teacher in the true meaning of the word, and Larry works in the entertainment industry. (This is the first wedding I have done, where the groom grabbed some drumsticks, and sat down to play with the band!) Here are the personal words I shared with this unique couple:

Becky and Larry are an inspiring couple. They are first and foremost learners. They relish in learning new things from each other and from those around them.

Both Becky and Larry do not hesitate to question, and this is really the foundation of learning. It is also the foundation of both Judaism and Christianity. The former’s foundational book is the Talmud, a book that is all about questioning (as if to emphasize this its very first words are a question). The latter was born out of questioning the religious order of the time, and its hero ends his life asking a question that has resonated through the generations, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

Now, on the one hand, one might say, duh! Isn't it obvious that one should use every opportunity to learn? Isn't it a given that the only way we can improve is through life long learning? Well, yes, but unfortunately in our very individualistic culture, people seem to sometimes overlook this concept. Too often, the response to a question is, "Who do you think you are to question?" All too frequently, the response to a prompt to learn is, "You are not the boss of me!"

So, we should be thankful to people like Becky and Larry. Be it from older siblings, be it from indigenous inhabitants in a village deep in the Yucatan, their inclination is to learn as much as they can. Thank you, Becky and Larry, for setting a great example for all the rest of us.