A Life-Long Adventure

On Tuesday, June 25, 2024, Don Maurizio Ormas and I co-officiated Micol and Federico’s wedding ceremony in Italian at Castelo Del Pozzo, outside Milan, Italy. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

One of the fascinating things about Micol and Federico is that the interfaith nature of their lives does not begin with them. They both have Christians and Jews in their families. Thus, it was natural for Micol’s family to mark Christmas, when she was growing up. 

Incidentally, I believe that every Jew should mark Christmas, as it celebrates a unique occurrence in Jewish history: the birth of the only Jewish boy who ever lived up to his mother’s expectations…

Seriously, though, one thing that really stands out about Micol and Federico is their deep sense of connection to their past. We often think of community in what one might call a horizontal sense, those we connect with today. However, community also has a vertical sense, our connections with our families and ancestors long gone. 

When I asked Micol to write about herself and Federico, more than half of what she wrote was about her family, recounting both at length the trials and triumphs of her grandparents, Enzo, Luisa, Ettore and Zaira.

Similarly, Federico took the time to explain what he called his roots, that while international, still harken back to different regions of your beautiful ancient land, the province of Messina and a tiny village in Piedmont.

Now, the connection to the past, in and of itself, is rather neutral. It can be used for evil, and you, in Italy, know that better than we do in America. It can also be used for good, and this is how this connection has manifested in Micol and Federico’s lives. 

This is how Giovanna and Franco raised Federico. This is how Lorella and Riccardo raised Micol. As Micol says, “They taught me and my sister the concept of RESPECT. Yes, we are Jewish, but we always respected both faiths. It has always been an exchange, never a prevarication and I really think that there is no greater teaching than this. This is what the concept of family means to me. This is how I imagine my future life with Federico, building our own family.”

It is this sense of great love and respect that brought us to this moment. As Federico says, “That is why I asked her to marry me. That is why I want to spend my life with her. This is the beginning of a life-long adventure.”

Communal Connection

Saturday evening (8/31) I officiated Sarah and Edmund's wedding at the Windsor at Hebron Park in Carrollton, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

In the United States we have many different options when it comes to wedding officiants. Therefore, whenever someone contacts me to officiate their wedding, I ask why having a rabbi, specifically, officiate their wedding is important to them.

I get a variety of wonderful and thoughtful answers. I particularly loved the answer I got from Sarah and Edmund. They wanted to get it right from the very start. They wanted Judaism to be a serious and integral part of their shared life and the life of their future children.

Now this might seem like a simple, even simplistic question, but why do people seek to connect with their heritage? Why do WE seek to connect with our Jewish culture?

I believe that the answer lies in the very core of our souls. We all seek meaning in our lives. We can find meaning in ideas and truths we discover. However, the greatest meaning is not found in the I, rather in the thou. The greatest meaning is found through our relationships, through our connecting with others, through our community.

Our cultures give us communal connections both vertical and horizontal, if you will. Through our heritage, passed down to us, we connect with the community of the past. Through passing on our rich civilization to our children, we connect to the community of the future. Through involvement in our culture today, we connect with the community of the present.

Each one of us interprets these connections differently. It is not for naught that we say, "Two Jews, three opinions..."  This is the great beauty of our Jewish culture. It encourages each of us, nay, demands of each of us to do what Sarah and Edmund seek to do in the new home they form today, to form community, to build anew, and to take it and make it our own.

The Number One Job of Every Faith Community

When someone asks me to officiate their wedding, I first ask the person to tell me about him or herself, and his or her partner. Second, I ask the person to tell me about their vision for their wedding. Third, I ask why it is important to them that a rabbi officiate their wedding. I get many different answers to this last question. Many times the Jewish partner will tell me that there is no way it could be different for them; it just feels natural. This was the answer that Renee gave me, right after she told me that technically she was not really Jewish since she never converted! She definitely piqued my curiosity. I had to hear more!

Last week I officiated Renee and Brian’s wedding at a very special location, the Jewish wing of the historic Main Post Chapel at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas. This building was dedicated in 1909 by then President Howard Taft. It has plaques commemorating chaplains, officers, and servicemen and women of the recent and not so recent past. You really feel a sense of the past of our armed forces in the building. Renee and Brian, veteran and current service member respectively, felt just right in this hallowed building, as they are a very special couple. Here are the words I shared with them and their guests:

Once you hear Renee’s story in detail and Renee and Brian’s story together, it all makes sense, and has a deeper lesson imbedded in it too. Renee was attracted to the Jewish scene in her youth, and felt very comfortable and supported there. She felt so welcome, that when she joined the army she put down her religion as Jewish. Once again, she felt welcome and supported by fellow Jewish soldiers. Unfortunately, she suffered an injury early on, and had to do a fitness test to move to a different unit. She was very fearful that she would fail the test, or even reinjure herself. Then the Jewish chaplain showed up unannounced, took the test with her, and cheered her on the whole way, till she passed. Obviously, this event made its mark on Renee, and deepened her sense of connection to the Jewish People. This is what brought Renee and Brian to attending their local synagogue today together. They both feel very much at home there. So, of course, it was going to be a rabbi, who would marry them!

In their story Renee and Brian highlight an aspect that is tremendously important for every faith community. Before we think about theology, before we talk about religious practice, before we even mention worship, we must bring comfort. Our most important function as faith communities is to make people comfortable, to bring comfort, to support others. The cool thing about Renee and Brian, is that this is the way they both live their lives. You may not hear them say it, because these are two very modest people. However, if we were able to talk to that chaplain, who ran with her, and her fellow Jewish soldiers, you just know that they would say that Renee is one of the most supportive people they knew. If you would ask Brian’s airmen, and for that matter, if you could ask his canine colleagues over the last 15 years, you just know they would say that this is a guy, who just puts people and animals at ease, and makes them feel comfortable. This is a guy, who will have your back.

Renee and Brian, we are blessed as a community to have you as part of it. We encourage you, as individuals and as a couple to continue growing, to continue setting a great example, and to continue to provide aid, comfort and support to each other and to those around you.