A Faithful Home

Saturday afternoon I officiated Heather and Tim’s wedding ceremony on the beach in Crystal Beach, Galveston, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

  

 

In Israel, where I grew up, when a couple tells you they are engaged, the customary response is,  "תבנו בית נאמן"May you build a faithful home." Now, I realize questioning idiomatic phrases does not always make sense, but should an implicit question, at least be, "How do we do THAT?" How do you build a faithful home? I believe if we analyze how Heather and Tim built their relationship, we might just have the answer.

I have often thought before, that our children and certainly our grandchildren will find it extremely odd, if someone tells them they did NOT meet their mate online. "What? You met him without Tweeting each other first?! You weren't even friends on Facebook?! Seriously?!" Heather and Tim are in that sense ahead of their time.

As Tim describes so well: "Heather and I met one another in an online format. We communicated with one another for approximately one month via email, text and phone prior to our first meeting. I believe that this time to get to know one another, albeit not in person, afforded us the opportunity to share a great deal about ourselves and draw initial conclusions regarding our compatibility, without physical attraction playing a major role in our initial impressions of one another. Although I will say that she did look pretty hot in the pictures that she sent to me."

Of course, advance preparation is vital, but not sufficient. As Heather and Time built their relationship, they invested time in having fun, in enjoying the good things together, and in just enjoying togetherness. In dealing with challenges life has thrown at them, they have been there for each other too, supporting each other, and not being reticent of being supported either. Equally as important, they have created an environment where their could get to know, appreciate and love each other and each other's companionship.

Finally, they have openly shared their faith traditions with each other, as they do in this ceremony. As Tim recounts, "As we have grown in our relationship, we have had in depth conversations regarding our religious beliefs and have had opportunities to share insight as to how these beliefs have shaped our personalities and outlook on life." This sharing has led to, in Tim's words, "a respect and genuine interest in getting to know, and accompanying each other to our respective religious services."

So, there you have it. How do you build a בית נאמן , a faithful home? Prepare for and build your relationship in advance and as you get to know each other, revel in your companionship, and support each other in your challenges. Finally, share your inner self and truly learn about your mate's inner self. It worked for Heather and Tim, and it can work for you too...

Different, But All Very Much the Same

Saturday evening I officiated Dora and Barak’s wedding (in Spanish) at Cajamarca, in El Boquerón, El Salvador. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests. A translation in English follows the remarks in Spanish:

Me encanta citar parejas en mis observaciones personales. ¿Puede haber algo más hermoso que las palabras de la pareja acerca de su amor mutuo? Esta vez, probablemente porque esta pareja amorosa es muy inteligente y articulado, me encontré citándolos incluso más de lo habitual. Escuchen; esto es oro!

El primer encuentro de Barak con Dora da a todos los hombres esperanza. Así es como Dora lo cuenta: "Nos llevamos bien  desde el principio. Me disgusto el primer día, porque él nunca se hiba de mi oficina y era mi sombra todo el día asegurándose de que todo iba bien con el proyecto (el cual estábamos trabajando juntos). Sin embargo, esa sensación duró sólo un día. Me empezó a gustar el segundo día, cuando vi que era una buena persona y con corazón bueno". Así que, sí, muchachos; a veces las mujeres nos dan una segunda oportunidad!

Pero en serio,  había algo muy especial, casi místico de ese encuentro. Así es como Barak lo describe: "Desde el momento en que nos conocimos, yo sentía que había algo especial en ella y que estábamos destinados a estar juntos. De hecho, a menudo he sentido una mano invisible que nos está guiando a estar juntos. Un conjunto de circunstancias inusuales nos unió y nos permitió desarrollar nuestra relación a pesar de vivir en diferentes partes del mundo..." No es exactamente lo que se espera escuchar un economista de formación clásica, ¿verdad?

Dora hace eco de este sentimiento mágico: "Yo sabía desde la primera semana que lo conocí, que él era la persona con la que quería pasar el resto de mi vida... Yo simplemente lo sabía en mi corazón." Ella incluso relata que este sentimiento mágico parecía que casi podía alterar el continuo espacio-tiempo: "Disfruté cada minuto que pasamos juntos. Podíamos hablar y hablar durante horas sin darnos cuenta."

Barak habla de cómo Dora y él se complementan entre sí: "Dora me empuja cuando yo procrastino, me insiste a ser más asertivo en las áreas que son importantes para nosotros... Yo ayudo Dora... sugiriendo ser más paciente en lugar de reactiva y le ayuda a mantener la calma cuando está enojado..." Dora habla de la forma en que no sólo se complementan entre sí, pero alrededor de la otra pueden ser ellos mismos totalmente sin pretensiones: "Podemos ser torpes juntos y reírmos de cosas bobas que probablemente, otras personas no se reirían. Me siento cómoda siendo yo misma a su alrededor, y siento que me respeta y ama por lo que soy. Eso me hace amarlo aún más.”

Ahora, por supuesto, nada de esto habría sucedido si no fuera por las filosofías muy similares que Dora y Barak compartieron sobre el mundo mucho antes de que se conocieran. Dora da crédito a sus padres: "Mis padres siempre fueron muy abiertos a otras religiones. Prueba de ello es que me bautizaron en la religión cátolica y tambien fui a una escuela secundaria protestante. Esto me hizo tener una perspectiva diferente, y me permitió... respetar a todas las religiones, creo que todas tienen personas buenas y no tan buenas personas, y en mi opinión, todos conducen al mismo camino." Barak atribuye su apertura similar a sus viajes. Sé que esto va a sorprenderlos – él es un poco más analítico: "Mis viajes por todo el mundo me han puesto en contacto con muchas culturas, sociedades y religiones. Mientras que cada una es única en su manera, la mayoría tienden a compartir una serie de características comunes, incluyendo mitos fundados, una creencia sobre el lugar especial que ocupan en el mundo, y, para las religiones, una reivindicación de la verdad divina de la naturaleza de Dios y la manera correcta de servir a Dios... Con tantas religiones a elegir, ¿cómo vamos a saber cuál es la correcta?"

Esta es quizás la lección más importante que estas dos personas muy inteligentes nos enseñan hoy aquí. Somos diferentes, pero todos muy parecidos. Cuando nos despojamos de lo superficial y lo externo, lo que realmente queda es lo que realmente importa. Esperemos que más personas en el mundo le ponen atención a la lección de Dora y Barak.

Translation:

I love quoting couples in my personal remarks. Can there be anything more beautiful than a couple's words about their mutual love? This time, probably because this loving couple is really smart and articulate, I found myself quoting them even more than usual. Listen up; this is gold.

Barak's first encounter with Dora gives all men hope. Here is how Dora tells it: "We got a long right from the beginning. I disliked him the first day, because he never left my office and was my shadow the entire day making sure everything went ok with the project (we were working on). However, that feeling lasted only one day. I started liking him the second day when I saw he was a nice and good hearted person." So, yes, boys; sometimes you get a second chance!

Seriously, though, there was something extra special, almost mystical about that encounter. Here is how Barak describes it: "From the moment we met, I sensed there was something special about her and that we were meant to be together. In fact, I have often felt an invisible hand that is guiding us to be together. A rather unusual set of circumstances brought us together and allowed us to develop our relationship despite living in different parts of the world..." Not exactly what you would expect to hear from a classically trained economist, right?

Dora echoes this magical feeling: "I knew from the first week I met him, that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... I simply knew it in my heart." She even relates that this magical feeling seemed like it could almost alter the space-time continuum: "I enjoyed every minute we spent together. We could talk and talk for hours without realizing it."

Barak talks about how much Dora and he complement each other: "Dora pushes me when I procrastinate, urges me to be more assertive in areas that are important to us... I help Dora... suggesting she be more patient instead of reactive, and helping her to be calm when she is angry..." Dora talks about how they not only complement each other, but around each other can totally be themselves without pretense: "We can be silly and goofy together and laugh at things probably other people wouldn’t laugh at. I feel comfortable being myself around him, and I feel he respects me and loves for who I am. That makes me love him even more."

Now, of course, none of this could have happened if not for the very similar philosophies that Dora and Barak shared about the world long before they met each other. Dora credits her parents: "My parents were always very open to other religions. Proof of that is I went to a Protestant high school. This made me have a different perspective, and allowed me to... respect all religions. I think they all have good people and not so good people, and in my opinion they all lead to the same path." Barak attributes his similar openness to his travels. I know this will shock you - he is a little more analytical: "My travels throughout the world have brought me into contact with many cultures, societies, and religions. While each is unique in their own ways, most tend to share a number of common features, including founding myths, a belief about the special place they occupy in the world, and, for religions, a claim to the divine truth of the nature of God and the correct way to serve God... With so many religions to choose from, how are we to know which is the correct one?"

This is perhaps the most important lesson these two very smart people teach us here today. We are different, but all very much the same. When we strip away the superficial and the external, what is really left is what really matters. Let us hope more people the world over heed Dora and Barak's lesson.

Creation and Evolution

Sunday evening I officiated Kim and Chris’s wedding at Cityplace in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I always ask couples two questions that coming from anybody else in any other circumstance, would be considered highly rude. Why do you want to get married, and why now? These are really important questions, and couples should know how to answer them, for their own sake. As you might imagine, I get a huge variety of answers. However, Chris' answer to this question stands out, even among the myriad of other grooms who quote Ancient Greek philosophers:

"Plato wrote that humans were once male and female and had four arms four legs. Zeus was threatened by humans, and so he split them into two beings. From then every human would forever long for his or her other half, the other half of his or her soul. It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified, that they would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that. Nothing," ends Chris, "better describes how I feel about Kimmy and why I want to marry her and marry her now."

Wow. Isn't that cool?! I am not entirely sure, but I think this is why Kim calls Chris her lobster. (They have four legs right?) Then again, how much can a rabbi really understand about seafood...?

Now the interesting thing is that this legend exists in the Judeo-Christian tradition too. In fact, it lies at the heart of the often misunderstood second creation story in Genesis. The way we usually understand the story is that God takes one of Adam's ribs and builds from it woman. However, a closer reading of the Hebrew reveals that this translation, found in the King James Bible is wrong. The words for rib and side are interchangeable, and the correct interpretation is that God slices the primordial Adam into two - two sides that were up until then one.

Now, you might ask, if this story found both in Plato's writings and in the Hebrew Bible reflects a certain truth, why is it that we don't all experience love at first sight, when we find that other half? Kim and Chris in their stories about themselves and each other address that, in fact. For though there are beautiful lessons to be learned from creation myths, we know as Judaism and Episcopalian Christianity acknowledge, that this world was not created, ad nihilo. None of our worlds spring fully grown out of nothing, and that is a good thing. This world, all worlds, in the collective sense and the individual sense, evolve. Kim vividly describes how she had to evolve to the point, where she could seek her long lost half, Chris. Chris vividly describes how he had to evolve to the point, where he could seek his long lost half, Kim. And when they came together, they did indeed feel that unspoken understanding of one another, but they still had to evolve as a couple. With time, with growth, with learning, with faith, and with love of themselves and of each other, they evolved and reached that moment of unity, where they would know no greater joy.

In this, in the tension we must exist in, between finding what and who was created for us, and that towards which we must evolve, Kim and Chris teach us a huge lesson, one we would all do well to heed.

Let's Just Take it Slow...

Saturday evening, Reverend Ken Ingold and I co-officiated Shannon and Oren’s wedding at the Hickory Street Annex in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I promise this does not happen often, but the other day I was thinking of that moment in cinematic history, when a great thespian said, (in my best Vin Diesel voice) "I live my life a quarter mile at a time." Yes, I speak of Vin Diesel, of course, as Dominic Toretto in The Fast and the Furious.

Now humor aside, there is actually some real depth here. What Vin speaks of is living in the moment. Now, living in the moment, mindful living, really taking it all in, is not easy, but if you can do it, there is nothing more rewarding. This is a mindset that Shannon and Oren have truly mastered, and they are better for it.

How do you get there? Well, ironically, and this is a point that is very clear to Shannon and Oren, if not to Vin, you have to take your time. As Oren says, "We have known each other for ten years and experienced many positive and negative things in life. Throughout all of it we have always been there for each other..."

When you take your time, when you slow down, like Shannon and Oren do, you realize in Shannon's words, that, "Life is so short and as scary as it is, tomorrow is never guaranteed." And that makes you appreciate your partner in this adventure we call life much much more. Through that, in Shannon's words, you can reach the level where you "love each other unconditionally," and be "on the same page about what we want in life."

And so, in the song "Just a Kiss", of which I will quote just a few words, it is as if Lady Antebellum are singing of Shannon and Oren's love:

"Caught up in this moment

Caught up in your smile...

We don't need to rush this

Let's just take it slow...

Just a shot in the dark that you just might be the one I've been waiting for my whole life... 

It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right...