Lucky in Love

On Friday, June 28, 2024, I officiated Nancy and Charles’s wedding ceremony at their home in Princeton, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Nancy and Charles met in high school. They didn’t hang out in the same circles, but Charles thought she was friendly, funny, and cute. From there, they each went their separate ways. That could have been the end of the story. We might not be here if not for another fellow Jew, Mark Zuckerberg. 

As Nancy and Charles write, “We resumed our friendship about five years ago with infrequent messaging via Facebook.  A little over a year ago, we began talking every night and we stayed up to one o’clock in the morning often speaking in different time zones. We both seemed to effortlessly fall in love.”

They not only fell in love; they found so much in common with each other. Charles writes, “We seldom if ever disagree… we tend to always get to the same endpoint although the paths we take are often different.” They talk about being each other’s best friend, and cherishing doing both the mundane and the extravagant together, equally.  Charles gleefully admits that he learns so much from Nancy and he looks forward to continuing that process.   

Nancy writes, “We are so lucky to have fallen in love. Consequently, I cannot wait to see what amazing things our future together holds.” That reminded me of that immortal song, “Lucky in Love”. No, not the Mick Jagger song, the one by Tommy Castro. This speaks exactly to what Nancy is saying:

“Lady luck she never looks my way, turns her back when it's my turn to play, but I'm lucky in love, I'm so lucky in love.

Never had much luck with the dice, I like to play but can't pay the price, oh I'm lucky, baby, lucky in love. I'm so lucky, lucky in love...

When it comes to lovin' I'm no beginner, in my baby's arms you know that I'm a winner, in lovin', I'm such a lucky man, when I hold my baby, I hold a winnin' hand

I got a roof that leaks, a floor that squeaks, a car that breaks down every two or three weeks, but I'm lucky, lucky in love, I'm lucky now, baby, I'm lucky in love, that's what I am, I'm so lucky, I'm lucky in love.”

Nancy and Charles, may Tommy’s words continue to embody your relationship, and may you enjoy many many years together, lucky in love.

A Life-Long Adventure

On Tuesday, June 25, 2024, Don Maurizio Ormas and I co-officiated Micol and Federico’s wedding ceremony in Italian at Castelo Del Pozzo, outside Milan, Italy. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

One of the fascinating things about Micol and Federico is that the interfaith nature of their lives does not begin with them. They both have Christians and Jews in their families. Thus, it was natural for Micol’s family to mark Christmas, when she was growing up. 

Incidentally, I believe that every Jew should mark Christmas, as it celebrates a unique occurrence in Jewish history: the birth of the only Jewish boy who ever lived up to his mother’s expectations…

Seriously, though, one thing that really stands out about Micol and Federico is their deep sense of connection to their past. We often think of community in what one might call a horizontal sense, those we connect with today. However, community also has a vertical sense, our connections with our families and ancestors long gone. 

When I asked Micol to write about herself and Federico, more than half of what she wrote was about her family, recounting both at length the trials and triumphs of her grandparents, Enzo, Luisa, Ettore and Zaira.

Similarly, Federico took the time to explain what he called his roots, that while international, still harken back to different regions of your beautiful ancient land, the province of Messina and a tiny village in Piedmont.

Now, the connection to the past, in and of itself, is rather neutral. It can be used for evil, and you, in Italy, know that better than we do in America. It can also be used for good, and this is how this connection has manifested in Micol and Federico’s lives. 

This is how Giovanna and Franco raised Federico. This is how Lorella and Riccardo raised Micol. As Micol says, “They taught me and my sister the concept of RESPECT. Yes, we are Jewish, but we always respected both faiths. It has always been an exchange, never a prevarication and I really think that there is no greater teaching than this. This is what the concept of family means to me. This is how I imagine my future life with Federico, building our own family.”

It is this sense of great love and respect that brought us to this moment. As Federico says, “That is why I asked her to marry me. That is why I want to spend my life with her. This is the beginning of a life-long adventure.”

A Very Highly Regarded Entity

On Tuesday, June 18, 2024, I officiated Kristin and Henry’s wedding ceremony at their home in Garland, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Jackie Mason, who like me was ordained and served as an Orthodox rabbi, once said that every Jewish parent wants their child to become a doctor, not that smart (I’m changing what he actually said because the original is too offensive) a lawyer, no brains at all an accountant. I’m not sure where that leaves rabbis or for that matter creatives like you, Kristin and Henry. 

Now, why did I open with this joke? Bear with me. It is about to make sense. I ask every person I marry to write an essay in which they tell me about their life and spiritual history, how they met, why they want to get married and why now. Kristin and Henry’s answer is so romantic, I am going to have to steel myself, so not to cry. Here goes. Kristin and Henry say, “Only now, the state of Texas will treat our jointly owned business as a disregarded entity.” Now, I will admit that I researched this just a little bit, meaning I read a couple of entries on the internet, and for the life of me, I cannot understand what they mean. Then, again, I was not smart enough to become an accountant.

That’s ok, though, because, Kristin and Henry continue. Again, the prompt was why do you want to get married and why now: “Oh, and also because we love each other a lot.” There is more to it, of course. And here is where the disregarded entity stuff actually has a serious side. Kristin and Henry say, “We have started a lot of creative endeavors and are embarking on our business, Shiitake Brains, where Kristin cuts the commercials, and Henry makes the music.”

I truly believe, and this has been true in my relationship with my wife, that working together on a creative endeavor really does add a depth to a relationship that is quite unique. Trish Harp, who has conducted extensive research on this subject, says that “in spite of the roller-coaster ride that defines entrepreneurship, spouses have reported a great feeling that they are on this journey together. There is a strong desire to stick it out… When couples create a shared vision for their future, their satisfaction in all areas of life increases."

What Kristin and Henry realize, though, is that one creative endeavor stands above them all. As Kristin and Henry write, “Our greatest ‘endeavor’ was born in November of 2023 and it has been incredible to learn how to be both parents and partners in every sense of the word.”

Becoming parents trumps becoming business partners. It actually changes our biology. As Abigail Fagan writes, “Becoming a parent changes us deeply. It changes our brain, our behavior, our thoughts, our hormones, our biology, and our body. With awareness and knowledge, this can be a beautiful gift—specialized brains to take care of and bond with our infants, a new period of neuroplasticity where we might find healing for ourselves.”

When you share such a gift together, when you find such healing together, you can approach your wedding and your marriage the way Kristin and Henry do, as an already living and breathing entity, dare I say, a very highly regarded entity, that just needs the final seal of approval. As Kristin and Henry write, “We are getting married at this point in our relationship almost as a formality. We’ve committed our lives to each other already.”

The Safety to Be Vulnerable

On Saturday, June 15, 2024, Reverend Marty Younkin and I co-officiated Sydney and Hunter’s wedding ceremony at Brake and Clutch in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Sydney’s description of the genesis and initial stages of this relationship is evocative. I suppose evocative is kind of in the job description for 4th grade teachers: “I can still vividly remember standing nervously outside the restaurant waiting for him at North Italia. I remember seeing him walk up the stairs and realized in that moment that he was going to be someone special. I knew right away on that second date that he seemed to have all the qualities I was looking for… We discovered very quickly that we were very compatible and good compliments to each other's personalities.”

Now, I did leave out something: When this happened. Hunter backs up the story 24 hours and shares this vital piece of information: “We met at Happiest Hour, and it went so well that I asked her on a dinner date for the next night. We continued to go on dates, and in November 2019 we made our relationship official.” 

[Sucking my breath through my clenched teeth.] I feel like what I just did, for which there is no word in English, is the most apt reaction to that date, because unlike Sydney and Hunter, at that time, WE know what comes next a short few months later. Incidentally, the French do have a word for this sound: “Tchiper”.

Now, if you figured out that the apprehension I felt when reading this was unwarranted, congratulations, Sherlock. Yes, we are at their wedding. Hunter goes beyond that, though. Here is what he says: “When the pandemic started in early 2020, we were able to spend a lot of time together and our relationship grew stronger. We decided to move in together in July 2021 and started talking about the potential of marriage. I asked her dad in March 2022 for his blessing, and I proposed in July 2022 at Flippen Park in Highland Park.”

What is the secret of their relationship, though? How did the pandemic not only not defeat them but cause their relationship to thrive? Hunter says, “Sydney is the most thoughtful, sweetest, and genuine person I know, and I can’t imagine a life without her. She’s made my life so much better, and I love her unconditionally. Our personalities mesh together very well, and we trust each other.”

Sydney mirrors this when she says, “Hunter is dependable, reliable, thoughtful, kind, loving, hardworking, supportive, patient and the best person I have ever met. I have always dreamed and hoped for a love like this one. I can’t even truly put into words how much I love him and how happy he makes me. I couldn’t be any luckier to be with someone who treats me and everyone else in his life with so much kindness.”

Sydney says one more thing that really answers the question, though. This is true gold: “He allows me to feel comfortable to be myself and supports me even when I am not at my best.”

The fact is, and this will be true long after the global pandemic during which their relationship evolved is but a distant memory, we can’t always be at our best. I know that the cult of grind culture militates against this, but it is true. And the number one mark of a relationship that is built to last is just this: We have the safety to be vulnerable in it. We have the safety to not be at our best.  And we know that our partner will still be there for us, that we will still be loved. THAT is about as good as it gets.

Learning Process

On Saturday, June 8, 2024, I officiated Lauren and Hunter’s wedding ceremony at the Hall on Dragon in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I have been married for more than thirty years. I have found that marriage is a learning process. I continue to learn about things I am not supposed to do.  

The formal start of Lauren and Hunter’s relationship began with such a lesson for Hunter. Lauren says: “Hunter asked me to be his girlfriend… but unfortunately, he chose to ask this on my birthday. Of course, I excitedly said yes, however after four years of sharing my birthday with our anniversary, let’s just say I am VERY happy that we now have a new anniversary to celebrate.”

Single guys, listen up, and take note. Day before, day after, but not on her actual birthday. Stay safe out there, gentlemen.

Let’s back up to the beginning, though, and I hope there are no Alabamians here, because Lauren begins their story with this statement: “I was not in the mindset that my husband would be found in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.” Ouch. She adds, though, “Hunter would soon change that.” 

The theme of learning was central to the genesis of their relationship. So was the barter system. Hunter says: “I was starting my first teaching and coaching job in August, and she was taking a history class. The circumstances were perfect, because I didn’t have any money and she hated history. I traded homework for food, and we grew closer, as we spent more and more time together.”

Apparently, Napoleon knew only half of it. (He was a French emperor, Lauren.) Not only does an army march on its stomach, so do romantic relationships. 

Hunter invokes two specific themes that I love in explaining why Lauren is the right person for him: “I want to marry Lauren because she’s my best friend, the person I most look forward to being with every day and someone I feel safe with… When we first met, I was attracted to her not only because she was gorgeous, but because she was smart and funny as well. As our relationship has continued, I still find her attractive for all those things but also for her kindness and lovingness.” Safety, coupled with kindness and lovingness. That sounds simple yet profound.  What a great prescription for a successful marriage.

Lauren agrees, emphasizes that Hunter puts his money where his mouth is, and that that proves to her that this is the real deal: “There isn’t a day that goes by that I question whether Hunter is the right partner to spend the rest of my life with. He assures me of his love constantly not only through his words but also his actions. I desire to marry because I honestly feel that Hunter isn’t just someone I want to live with, he is someone I don’t want to live without… 

I understand that marriage can be, and will be, difficult at times, yet all I can say is that I’m ready. I’m ready to take that leap because I know I have Hunter holding my hand. I am ready to commit to choosing him every single day for the rest of my life, the way I know he will always choose me. I am ready to build a life together, and I am so excited for what the future has in store for us.”

Boldly Seek Out Life’s Adventures

On Sunday, May 26, 2024, I officiated Alexis and Rob’s wedding ceremony at the Dallas Arboretum (Jonsson Color Garden) in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry to write an autobiographical essay, discussing their life and spiritual history, how they met, why they want to get married, and why now. Note, I do not ask for their honeymoon plans. Alexis, however, volunteered this: “In the ceremony, maybe we leave out the part about how my ideal honeymoon is a week-long guided hallucinogenic trip in Central America. Or not. Your call.”

Understandably, this surprised me. But the more I learn about Alexis and Rob, the more I appreciate and understand their mutual desire to explore the vastness of the world, take risks together in order to grow, and support one another along the way, and in their own way. In their ketubah, a Jewish written form of vows they signed before the ceremony, Alexis and Rob vow, “Together, we will boldly seek out life’s adventures and actively pursue the richness and fullness of a life well lived.” It is this sense of wanderlust and drive for an enriched life which brought them together over 10 years ago. 

Long before they met, Alexis and Rob each joined the Peace Corps, a government agency established by President John F. Kennedy, which sends volunteers abroad to promote peace through global service. Rob served two years in rural Morocco. Alexis, inspired to join the Peace Corps by her uncle, Jim Bass, who served in Peru in the early 1960s, served three years in Botswana.

Back stateside, subsequent to their terms of service, they each sought community with fellow Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs), and each, in turn, joined the same RPCV group, Rob a few years prior to Alexis. In this group they sought camaraderie with like-minded individuals devoted to community service, and it was at one of the group’s gatherings that they met.

Since then, they have built a life together filled with adventures and challenges: national and international travels, backpacking through Yosemite, urban exploration, scuba diving anywhere they can, renovating a house (since 2018!), and building community here in Dallas. 

Rob throws himself into building and driving racecars, and funds this hobby with his motorsports photography company. Alexis volunteers heavily on committees in both Peace Corps and commercial real estate related nonprofit organizations. Truly, they have a hard time sitting still. Each encourages the other to take on new interests and strive to reach their fullest potential.

As with any relationship, not every day can be sunshine and sea turtles. After 10 years, Alexis and Rob joke that they have done more relationship work before marriage than many do years into their marriage – but this work has undoubtedly paid off. They have learned to listen and communicate, and now value their differences as much as their similarities. They believe, that, to again quote their ketubah, “By appreciating one another’s perspectives, we will gain a wider view of the world around us.”

Alexis and Rob, thank you for exemplifying this important idea in your lives. May others learn from you and follow in your path, and may you continue to carry your passion for understanding the beauty of the world, the gratitude for your community, and your fierce love for one another into your marriage. As you’ve worked hard to create a house together, may you now create a home, one set upon the foundation of marriage.

Can’t Argue with Results

On Saturday, May 18, 2024, I officiated Jessica and Joe’s wedding ceremony at the Texas Discovery Gardens in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Jessica tells the story of how she and Joe met: “We first met when one of our mutual friends picked me up to grab a drink and Joe was tagging along. Joe claims he said hi, but if you ask me, he never said a word the entire way to the bar. Shocking for him. Once we arrived Joe ordered a round of Jell-O shots, dropped them on the table, and then left, without a word. As Joe likes to say, ‘Can't argue with results!’”

This story is emblematic of Jessica and Joe’s personalities as individuals and as a couple. You see very little ego. They don’t take themselves too seriously. This might sound like a frivolous idea to you, but philosophically, this is very important for the individual human psyche.

More than that, the late great British philosopher, Alan Watts, preached about the importance of this very idea that for the sake of humanity, you must not take yourself too seriously. One might even argue that some of the greatest historic tragedies are due to the fact that people took themselves too seriously.

And not taking yourself too seriously is vital for our interpersonal relationships. The Torah commands us to love our fellow as ourselves. If everyone took this maxim seriously and really followed it, imagine how wonderful life would be. By its very nature, loving the other as we love ourselves necessitates at its very core not taking ourselves too seriously.

The Ancient Rabbis ask a fascinating question: What commandment does one fulfill through love and marriage. Their answer is the very verse I just quoted. The most supreme manifestation of the commandment to love one’s fellow as oneself is through a deep romantic relationship. It is this type of relationship that teaches us that it, and I mean it in the broadest sense possible, is not about us. Thus, don’t take yourself too seriously.

Jessica and Joe, what we wish for you is that you keep that spark that began your relationship, that spark that has stayed with you ever since. Don’t take yourselves too seriously, and through that may you enjoy an ongoing deep love for many years to come.  

Being Present

On Sunday, May 12, 2024, I officiated Kim and Sam’s wedding ceremony at the Grand Palladium Costa Mujeres in Cancun, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

What strikes me the most about Kim and Sam is that these are two very deep people, who really think about their place in the world, and very much care about other people. One might say that there is no better way to live.

This is exemplified early in Sam’s life while he was attending Hebrew school. Now, for most people Hebrew school is a horrid experience. If you have seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, it’s identical to the Greek school scenes in that movie, just not funny. Sam, however, learned this:

“One thing that was always impactful in Hebrew school or after services was at the end, we would always sing the Mi Shebeirach, the prayer for healing, and I would hear people voice loved ones in need of healing. That was always a beautiful and bittersweet experience, but it always made me think about those important to me.”

And Kim describes their very meeting each other in spiritual terms: “My friends, at the University of Redlands, decided they wanted to go to a track meet that was happening at a nearby college to support our team. While there I remember seeing a person (Sam) run a race alone for whatever reason. I didn’t think much of it. Later that night I was hanging out with some friends in the freshman’s dorm. We were watching a movie when Sam came out of his room to the water fountain. My friend started chatting with him and instantly I knew he was special. This felt almost like a spiritual moment, like I knew he would eventually be my husband (this is something that I kept to myself for a very long time). We ended up talking for hours. A week later we were officially dating.”

This fits well with something Sam says he learned, again, back in Hebrew school: “A rabbi explained to us what he saw as God – and it was in the feelings you get from a conversation with another, experiencing the beauty and magnificence of nature, and anything that leads you to learning more about the world. That really resonated with me, because if that is how we experience and feel connected to God, not just some divine power guiding the way with a bunch of rules to follow, I could really get onboard with that.”

And this approach figured into how Kim says she reprioritized things in life, due to challenges in recent years leading up to this day: “These moments really showed me what was important in my life… I knew I needed to start living my life in the moment and being present because you never know… During this time Sam was so supportive and strong for me… He was there for me and really showed me that we needed to be married…”

A Rainbow in Someone’s Cloud

On Saturday, May 4, 2024, I officiated Holly and Emily’s wedding ceremony at the Addison Grove in Austin, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Emily and Holly’s relationship illuminates the power of connection and the profound impact we have on each other’s lives. It demonstrates how love and shared values can bridge differences and allow us to weather adversity. 

Emily and Holly connected easily, a connection which quickly blossomed into a bond that felt like family. They found in each other not just a partner, but a confidante, and a source of endless laughter. They support each other through adversity, celebrate each other’s achievements, and above all, make each other feel safe and loved.

Emily cherishes Holly’s kindness, patience, and intelligence, and admires her perseverance. Holly found in Emily a partner who is generous, kind, and supportive. They both appreciate each other’s sense of humor and the joy of being silly together. They challenge each other, inspire each other to strive to be better, and constantly align their actions with their shared values.

One of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou is, “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” This quote encapsulates the essence of Holly and Emily’s relationship. They are each other’s rainbow, brightening each other’s lives and providing support through life’s challenges.

Their shared values, family, hard work, and social justice form the foundation of their relationship. Despite their diverse backgrounds and experiences, their values align remarkably well. They trust each other to uphold these values as they navigate life together and embark on the journey of forming a family. They have already weathered many challenges, and their enduring love and trust in each other bolster their confidence to face whatever the future may bring.

Their love story is a beautiful testament to how love can bridge differences and create a bond that is stronger than the sum of its parts. As we celebrate their union today, let us remember the lessons they have taught us about love, resilience, and the power of shared values. May their journey inspire us all to strive for such depth and authenticity in our own relationships. May we all learn to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

Make Each Other Laugh

On Saturday, April 20, 2024, I officiated Julia and Grant’s wedding ceremony at the Woodbine Mansion in Round Rock, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Grant tells the story of how they met: “I met Julia very early on into our freshman year… Some of the friends I had all lived in the same dormitory. I spent a lot of time there studying, hanging out, and meeting up for nights out. It wasn’t too long into the start of the year that Julia and her roommates began to tag along with us. 

Almost immediately, Julia and I developed a very strong bond between just the two of us. We spent a lot of time discussing and going to the movies, getting lunch in the food halls, bar hopping, and attending house parties, and about two months into the first semester, we began dating.” Sounds credible, I suppose.

Julia’s story is a little more, I say this advisedly, colorful: “When I first met Grant… he was by far the loudest in the room and was making everyone laugh until they cried. He seemed like a complete goofball. Over time my friends started to hang out with his friends and our little groups happened to combine and spend a lot of time together. 

The first thing we talked about were horror movies. He told me his favorites, and I didn’t mention the fact that horror movies give me night terrors, rather I agreed and told him how much I love horror movies too. We started to go see movies together, sometimes one a week, sometimes three times a week. We would talk for hours after about the different elements of each movie. After a while we did everything together.”

OK, let’s get serious now. Julia says: “Grant has seen me through the absolute worst moments of my life and has been there every step of the way… He has always kept me afloat. He is my rock… I couldn’t imagine living my life with anyone else but Grant. I couldn’t have prayed for a better man, best friend, or partner to live out the rest of my life with.”

Grant says: “Julia is by far my greatest friend… She is my favorite person in the entire world. I’ve known this from the moment I first met her, and this feeling only grows stronger with each passing year that we have been together. She never ceases to make me laugh when I need it. She’s always there for me when I need help or someone to lean on. She’s tough on me when she knows I need a push to achieve my full potential.”

Did you notice one very important common element they each cite? They each emphasize the ability of the other to make them laugh. That is so important. 

The Talmud, the central book of our faith, tells a story of a rabbi to whom the Prophet Elijah would appear from time to time. He is walking through the market, and he asks Elijah if any of those present in the market are guaranteed a spot in the Next World. Elijah points to two brothers and says that they are. The rabbi then asks them what they do. They say that they make people laugh. If anyone is feeling down, they cheer them up with their humor. 

Julia and Grant, that is a great lesson for marriage. If you can make each other laugh, you can usually get through anything, so keep it up, now and for many years to come.

Rom Com

On Sunday, April 14, 2024, I officiated Molly and Rani’s wedding ceremony at The Springs at Tuscany Hill in Anna, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Most couples today meet online. Molly and Rani met the old-fashioned way, IRL, as they say. Rani’s description sounds like it is out of a rom com: “I’ll never forget that she came up to me and asked me if I was going to ask her for her phone number as my friend moments before, told me that she likes me. It was funny, as one of my best friends also liked her, so I asked how he would feel if I went for it, and he said that he gave me his blessing.”

Molly continues the rom com theme: “I knew from the second that I met him that he was going to be my husband. I don’t know what it was about him, but he just had something that caught my eye. The first time we spent time together, it felt like I knew him my whole life. I felt so comfortable and so safe with him.”

Rom coms never have the couple meet and then ride off into the sunset. That would just be boring. True to theme, Rani continues: “I told her in the beginning that I was not interested in getting married. (Ouch!) Little did I know that about a year later I would propose to her, knowing that if I didn’t propose, I might lose the opportunity to have not only a beautiful wife, but an amazing mother that would nurture my future kids, help me through the rough patches, and make it through to the other side.”

Molly agrees and says this is mutual, the lesson being obvious; if you are lucky enough and play your cards right, rom coms can become reality: “I want to marry Rani, because not only is he my best friend, but he’s my biggest supporter, constantly motivating me to be better. He has given me everything I could ever dream of. He is truly the definition of what a husband and a man should be. Every day is better than the day before with him. He continues to give me all the butterflies and all the smiles and laughs a woman could dream of. And that is why I can’t wait to marry him.”

Shifting Your Mindset

On Saturday, April 6, 2024, Mother Maddie Hill and I co-officiated Bailey and Nate’s wedding ceremony at Bowie House in Fort Worth, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Bailey recounts a wonderful method she grew up with for sussing out if a guy is worth it: “My mom taught me to make a list of qualities in a man, write them down and check on them every once in a while, when dating. My list was: Kind, funny, family man/family oriented, my kind of weird (hard to explain), raised similarly to the way I was, loving supportive parents, and motivated professionally.” 

The Jewish equivalent of this is so much simpler. It goes like this: Are they a doctor, a lawyer, or an accountant? 

Seriously, though, Bailey continues: “This gave me guidelines to find a partner that would not only love me and I love them, but would be a great father to our children, and treat me and his future family with respect. And Nate is that through and through.” That seems like a great lesson for all of us in how we should develop relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Speaking of lessons. Nate shares how meeting Bailey taught him a very important lesson about life, utterly changing him, reordering his priorities, and showing him what was really important: “I am very lucky to have found Bailey. [Before meeting Bailey] I spent… time chasing superficial things of very low value… Every decision was about what would bring me immediate satisfaction… But after coming to Fort Worth and meeting Bailey, my attitude, without me even knowing, changed to what will make me happy in the long term… 

After falling in love with Bailey, my mindset shifted from what I am going to do tomorrow to what I am going to do with her next year and beyond…  I love her very deeply, and I already love the family I picture for us very deeply, and so I want to marry her because I do not see another way to be happy without them.”

And Bailey agrees: “Nate will be a loving husband, a wonderful father, and the funniest weirdest most fun best friend a girl could ever have. I am incredibly lucky to have him by my side for the rest of our lives.”

Savor the Journey

On Saturday, March 23rd, I officiated Lindsay and David’s wedding ceremony at Winfrey Point in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Lindsay and David dated briefly in high school, but Lindsay describes what led to their real relationship years later: “During my first year of neurology residency in 2013, I was having a conversation with my mom, and she randomly asked me how David was doing.” So, thank you, Michelle, for instigating what brought us here today. 

Lindsay continues: “It was then I realized it had been several years since I last spoke with him. So, I decided to reach out to David over Facebook, and I invited him to brunch at Breadwinners. While David says it wasn’t an actual date, I felt differently at the time, even though he did make me pay for my own meal.”

In fairness to David, he was just being cautious. He says, “While I was hesitant as to her intentions (possibly looking for a free meal as a starving med student), I willingly met her, where I instantly rekindled my attraction and fondness for her.  Soon this date turned into three, which turned into even more.”

Lindsay and David dated for about ten eventful years before they took the plunge. They settled down, and as David says, he “could finally propose with a permanent banner of our ten years together hanging in our bedroom, and where we could finally marry and raise our family together, forever, as we always intended to do.”

And Lindsay said yes. As she says, “We had been together so long and we had been through so much together, I naturally said yes, since it was clearly the right time to finally make it official.” 

I think there are two important lessons in Lindsay and David’s relationship. Number one, if you ever get a second chance in life, go for it, take it, don’t hesitate. Number two, once you do take that chance, take your time if you need to, practice patience, savor the journey, until you arrive in the promised land.

This worked out well for Lindsay and David. As Lindsay says, “We are excited to continue to share our lives together and start a family in the near future, where we can raise our future children with the same beliefs and care we had growing up.” 

And as David says, “Now, I get to continue these traditions with my future wife in our home with our future children, in hopes we can pass on the same customs and beliefs we grew up with when we were children.

I Can’t Imagine

On Saturday, March 16th, I officiated Lindsey and Dan’s wedding ceremony at the Brook Hollow Golf Club in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry to write an autobiographical essay. Though this is meant to help me get to know them better, eventually, the person they are marrying gets to read their essay too. 

With that in mind, you can immediately see how smart Dan is. He writes: “I moved to Dallas at the very end of 2021 from Michigan. Surfing the dating apps, Lindsey and I matched within the first few weeks of me living here. I remember seeing her picture and my jaw literally dropped. ‘Wow!’ I thought, ‘She’s beautiful!’”

Dan made a move, and Lindsey writes: “I was cautiously optimistic about getting together,” which is exactly what you want to hear, as a guy… Why cautiously? Lindsey continues: “Cautiously because he asked me to pick the location of the date, which gave me a little pause about how serious he was, but optimistic because he seemed like a great guy. My best friend Leigh encouraged me to give him a chance and I am so glad she did!”

Dan illuminates: “Since I’d just moved here, I didn’t really know any good spots to take her. I suggested she pick the spot and I would take her there… Thankfully for me, her friend told her to keep an open mind and go, and I’m glad she did. We met for a drink and talked for a few hours. The conversation was easy and I was excited to take her out again. And the rest, as they say, is history.”

There is an incredible lesson here. It might seem almost too obvious, but it is really hard sometimes in any relationship, professional or personal, romantic or platonic, to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. And yet, this might be the most important thing we have to do. 

This certainly worked out for Dan. He says, “Lindsey is an amazing woman and friend. She has a big heart for the people she loves and would do anything for them. She’s incredibly put together… She’s going to be an amazing parent. I’ve… felt with her… a closeness that I’ve never felt with anyone else. She’s also sneakily funny… At the end of the day, she just makes me really happy. I know that I’m a better version of myself when I’m around her, and she’s already improved the man I am…”

This certainly worked out for Lindsey, too. As she says: “I am so excited to get to marry Dan. I feel so at home with him, and I love the life we are building together. I wake up every day excited… I couldn’t imagine my life without Dan, and I feel so lucky that I met him at the right time in both of our lives… I feel so ready to commit our lives to each other because it feels like we already have… I can’t imagine creating any future memories without Dan and I am so excited to call him my husband…”

A Stoic/Rabbinic Virtue

On Saturday, March 2nd, Casey Grounds and I co-officiated Ross and Chad’s wedding ceremony at The Springs in Waxahachie, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

You really can’t make up how Ross and Chad’s love story begins. I don’t mean how they met; I mean their actual falling in love. Ross says: “Sounds kinda unorthodox, but I knew I first fell in love with Chad after spending time with each other and realizing I didn’t mind him breathing on me. Some context: Having people breathe on my face/neck is a big pet peeve of mine.” LOL, as the kids might say!

Truthfully, though, Ross and Chad’s story is a truly beautiful one. They met the old-fashioned way, IRL, specifically at a gaming convention. They more than noticed each other, but were dating others at the time, so it was not to be. 

Chad picks up the story from there: “We both ended the aforementioned relationships around the same time and when I returned from a dance competition early on Memorial Day weekend in 2015, I called him to set up a dinner date. I was IMMEDIATELY smitten. I did not want to push things too much but many of my friends and students can tell you that I was literally floating around for about the next 6-9 months!”

They became a couple and moved in together, but then came another stroke of luck/challenge. Ross fulfilled a dream of getting into dental school. In San Antonio. Ouch. They made the long-distance relationship work, though, and reunited upon Ross’s graduation. 

Ross says: “Chad proposed my first day working as a dentist while we were on a date at the same place we had our very first date, Kura Sushi. It felt like a long time coming, after being together for seven years and with a deep love for each other to this day.”

Now, hopefully you have picked up on this by this point in the ceremony, but Chad is Jewish. What you may not know is that Ross follows an ancient tradition too, Stoicism. And what Ross did not realize until I wrote these remarks is that I follow that tradition too. 

I was struck by this passage in the Epistles of Seneca (one of the three great Roman Stoics, along with Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius), because it seems to describe Ross and Chad and their relationship so beautifully: “Nature bore us related to one another … She instilled in us a mutual love and made us compatible … Let us hold everything in common; we stem from a common source. Our fellowship is very similar to an arch of stones, which would fall apart, if they did not reciprocally support each other.”

The Ancient Rabbis, like the Stoics, focused on virtue and action. They ask a question about love that might sound odd to us but would make much sense to the Stoics: What commandment does one fulfill through loving one’s romantic partner? Easy, say the Rabbis, “Love your fellow as yourself.” (Side note: In the Rabbis’ wording both partners are men.) Ross and Chad, what we wish for you is that you continue to enjoy the fulfillment of this Stoic/Rabbinic virtue for many many years to come.

Create an Open Household

On Saturday, January 20th, Nelson Head and I co-officiated Kim and Josh’s wedding ceremony at the Rosewood Mansion on Turtle Creek in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Josh’s description of how he met Kim is fairly conventional. I mean, stop me if you’ve heard this one before: “I met Kim at a pumpkin carving party taking place at a co-resident’s house, where she happened to be a judge in our margarita contest.” (Pause for laughter.) OK, maybe not so conventional, after all…

This encounter did show that Josh was a forgiving man, though: “While she didn’t rank my margarita as #1, I was able to look past her mistake, and the rest of the night had an immediate spark. By the end of the night, I couldn’t wait to see her again and meet Gracie after talking most of the evening about her.”

Lest you think Josh is exaggerating about any part of this, particularly his lingering margarita related feelings, Kim backs him up: “Our first encounter was at a Halloween pumpkin carving party where no one ended up actually carving pumpkins. There was, however, a margarita making contest and to this day, Josh is insulted that I didn’t pick his as the best.”

So, what is it that makes Kim and Josh’s relationship work? I believe if you analyze it, you will see that it is a mixture, the right mixture of similarities and differences. 

Similarities? First of all, they are both not just medical professionals. For them, in light of their life experiences, medicine is a calling, a vocation; one might say they are true healers. They both absolutely, positively love Gracie, originally Kim’s, now their dog. As Kim says, “If a guy can love a dog that much then I’m pretty sure he’s a good guy.” Of course, this applies to her too.

Differences? Kim says that he can do chemistry, while she can’t. More relevant to day to day life, she says, “Josh loves to cook and I hate to. I like to clean, and he doesn’t.” Now, if you know Josh, you know she speaks the truth. Josh says: “I found myself learning how to cook from my mother and taking on the role of preparing dinner each night, sometimes more elaborate of a meal than a 16-year-old should be preparing… Continuing to cook for my friends, whether at high school reunions when we are all back in Miami, hosting Thanksgiving dinner with my father as my sous chef, or during a casual evening, cooking has become a way to show my love to those I care deeply about. Kim is still waiting for Josh to learn how to make sushi, though.”

The area of their faiths is another in which their differences have brought them together. This ceremony and the past few holiday seasons are a testament to this. As Josh says, “During our first holiday season together, I decorated my first Christmas tree and Kim lit her first Chanukiah. Getting to share each other’s traditions and talk about how we wanted to celebrate in the future and with a family was exciting and comforting—creating an open household that encourages diversity and celebrating multiple traditions.”

Kim and Josh, that is exactly what we wish for you. May your similarities and your differences continue to enliven your relationship, and may your household truly be a place of openness and diversity.

Brimming with Love

On Saturday, January 6th, I officiated Jamie and Ira’s wedding ceremony at the Carlilse Room in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The story of Jamie and Ira’s first date is so titillating, I almost hesitate to share it during a religious ceremony, but here goes. Jamie says, “Since it was the middle of the pandemic, we had our first date watching Sunday night football and passing the New York Times crossword back and forth in Ira’s backyard with the chairs 6 feet apart (I found out later he’d actually measured).” Wow. Quite risqué. Most couples don’t complete crosswords together, much less the mac daddy, the New York Times crossword, until the fifth or sixth date, at least. 

On a more serious note, Jamie hits on something profound regarding real love. Real love, unlike in the movies, is not about fireworks and grand gestures. It is about the simple things: “I feel immensely comfortable with and comforted by Ira. He’s thoughtful and really considers my needs, continually showing me how much he cares for me. He does small but meaningful things to make my life easier and less stressful every day, sometimes without me noticing until later. I love being able to do the same for him—I want to make his life better.”

So, how did they end up here today? Well, I’m gonna guess it was not Ira’s response when they first traveled together. Ira says, “I still remember our first trip… we went to Portland Oregon… I wanted to know if we were ‘travel compatible’… After dinner, we went to a rooftop bar, and Jamie said to me, ‘I could see us getting married.’ My response? ‘I don’t disagree.’ Note: Not the best time to use that phrase.”

Getting back to the question at hand, how did we end up here today? Ira says, “The answer is simple. it just feels right. She’s a good person who cares about doing right by everyone. Everything is easy.” This reminded me of the immortal words of the Zac Brown Band, “You make loving you easy. You make loving you all I wanna do. Every little smile, every little touch reminds me just how much it all makes loving you easy.”

And Jamie uses a word I have yet to hear regarding love, but I don’t know why because more people should. Between the crosswords and what she does for a living, I’m not surprised though: “I am brimming with love for Ira. I love his family and his friends, and I love that he’s become a dog person. (Shout out to Dennis!) I am happier when I am with him, and my love for him continues to grow. I am excited to continue building our life together, and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him… I want to stand up with Ira in front of our friends and family and share our love with all of them.”