The Safety to Be Vulnerable

On Saturday, June 15, 2024, Reverend Marty Younkin and I co-officiated Sydney and Hunter’s wedding ceremony at Brake and Clutch in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Sydney’s description of the genesis and initial stages of this relationship is evocative. I suppose evocative is kind of in the job description for 4th grade teachers: “I can still vividly remember standing nervously outside the restaurant waiting for him at North Italia. I remember seeing him walk up the stairs and realized in that moment that he was going to be someone special. I knew right away on that second date that he seemed to have all the qualities I was looking for… We discovered very quickly that we were very compatible and good compliments to each other's personalities.”

Now, I did leave out something: When this happened. Hunter backs up the story 24 hours and shares this vital piece of information: “We met at Happiest Hour, and it went so well that I asked her on a dinner date for the next night. We continued to go on dates, and in November 2019 we made our relationship official.” 

[Sucking my breath through my clenched teeth.] I feel like what I just did, for which there is no word in English, is the most apt reaction to that date, because unlike Sydney and Hunter, at that time, WE know what comes next a short few months later. Incidentally, the French do have a word for this sound: “Tchiper”.

Now, if you figured out that the apprehension I felt when reading this was unwarranted, congratulations, Sherlock. Yes, we are at their wedding. Hunter goes beyond that, though. Here is what he says: “When the pandemic started in early 2020, we were able to spend a lot of time together and our relationship grew stronger. We decided to move in together in July 2021 and started talking about the potential of marriage. I asked her dad in March 2022 for his blessing, and I proposed in July 2022 at Flippen Park in Highland Park.”

What is the secret of their relationship, though? How did the pandemic not only not defeat them but cause their relationship to thrive? Hunter says, “Sydney is the most thoughtful, sweetest, and genuine person I know, and I can’t imagine a life without her. She’s made my life so much better, and I love her unconditionally. Our personalities mesh together very well, and we trust each other.”

Sydney mirrors this when she says, “Hunter is dependable, reliable, thoughtful, kind, loving, hardworking, supportive, patient and the best person I have ever met. I have always dreamed and hoped for a love like this one. I can’t even truly put into words how much I love him and how happy he makes me. I couldn’t be any luckier to be with someone who treats me and everyone else in his life with so much kindness.”

Sydney says one more thing that really answers the question, though. This is true gold: “He allows me to feel comfortable to be myself and supports me even when I am not at my best.”

The fact is, and this will be true long after the global pandemic during which their relationship evolved is but a distant memory, we can’t always be at our best. I know that the cult of grind culture militates against this, but it is true. And the number one mark of a relationship that is built to last is just this: We have the safety to be vulnerable in it. We have the safety to not be at our best.  And we know that our partner will still be there for us, that we will still be loved. THAT is about as good as it gets.