Communal Connection

Saturday evening (8/31) I officiated Sarah and Edmund's wedding at the Windsor at Hebron Park in Carrollton, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

In the United States we have many different options when it comes to wedding officiants. Therefore, whenever someone contacts me to officiate their wedding, I ask why having a rabbi, specifically, officiate their wedding is important to them.

I get a variety of wonderful and thoughtful answers. I particularly loved the answer I got from Sarah and Edmund. They wanted to get it right from the very start. They wanted Judaism to be a serious and integral part of their shared life and the life of their future children.

Now this might seem like a simple, even simplistic question, but why do people seek to connect with their heritage? Why do WE seek to connect with our Jewish culture?

I believe that the answer lies in the very core of our souls. We all seek meaning in our lives. We can find meaning in ideas and truths we discover. However, the greatest meaning is not found in the I, rather in the thou. The greatest meaning is found through our relationships, through our connecting with others, through our community.

Our cultures give us communal connections both vertical and horizontal, if you will. Through our heritage, passed down to us, we connect with the community of the past. Through passing on our rich civilization to our children, we connect to the community of the future. Through involvement in our culture today, we connect with the community of the present.

Each one of us interprets these connections differently. It is not for naught that we say, "Two Jews, three opinions..."  This is the great beauty of our Jewish culture. It encourages each of us, nay, demands of each of us to do what Sarah and Edmund seek to do in the new home they form today, to form community, to build anew, and to take it and make it our own.

A Bahai-Jewish Wedding in Mexico

Saturday evening I officiated Shana and Arash's Bahai-Jewish wedding at Villa Amor in beautiful Sayulita, Mexico. Since Shana and Arash are both of Persian descent, I blessed them with the Priestly Blessing in Farsi, which was a first for me. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Almost every religion has one version or another of the Golden Rule, “Do unto others, as you would want done to you.” What we sometimes forget is that often that rule has been understood and is unfortunately by many people still understood to kind of have a little asterisk next to it. The asterisk says, “Do unto others, as you would want done to you, except for fill in the blank,” or “Do unto other, as you would want done to you, but only if they are part of our group/tribe/religion etc.” In this sense the Bahai faith is instructive. An important Bahai scripture addresses this very issue:

Should a person of whatever faith or nation, of whatever color, appearance, character or condition, be disposed to associate with you, ye should show forth kindness and treat him as a brother… (This) hath ever been and will continue to be true. It is not permissible to contend with anyone, nor is it acceptable… to ill-treat or oppress any soul. The fundamental purpose animating the faith… is to safeguard the interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to foster the spirit of love and fellowship amongst men. Suffer it not to become a source of dissension and discord, of hate and enmity.

The task of all people in the modern era is indeed to understand that there is no room for exclusions, no place for ifs, buts or maybes in the realm of the Golden Rule. Through such a universal practice of the Golden Rule, and only when practiced in such a way, do we ourselves become better people.

This is how Shana and Arash have personally lived their lives. They have never let anything stand in the way of their practice of the Golden Rule. They did not let the fact that they come from different faiths stand between them. Through their relationship, they have each indeed become better people. Through their relationship, and their acceptance of each other’s differences, they have, in fact, become more connected to their respective heritages.

Shana and Arash, may we all learn from your example. May we all consistently, and without hesitation practice the Golden Rule in the way you do. May the day that all religions hope for, arrive in your lifetimes, when through such practice, the world be at peace.

The Rabbi and the Elephant: How I Officiated a Cosmopolitan Interfaith Wedding in Thailand

With guests from Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Russia, Thailand and the U.S. present, Nad and Alex's wedding was easily one of the most cosmopolitan I had ever officiated. With a fairly traditional inclusive Jewish ceremony, bookended by Thai customs, it was definitely one of the most intercultural. Throw in the fact that I was upstaged by an elephant, and you have the backdrop for a great story!

While one might think that the coupling of a Russian Jew and a Thai Buddhist might be a challenge, this bride and groom showed that it need not be so. This may just be because the bride, Nad (short for Nadusa), and the groom, Alex, who live in Australia, are true citizens of the world. Nad was born in Thailand, but grew up mainly in Australia and Europe, due to her father's work for Royal Thai Airways. She was schooled in an international school in Paris, and is fluent in (standard American accented) English, French, German and Thai. Alex was born in Russia, and he grew up there and (from age 15) in the U.S. He trained as a radiologist at Harvard, and practices a specific type of medicine that embodies the global village we live in. If you ever have an x-ray done in the middle of the night, you may wonder where on earth they find a radiologist to read it. Well, on the bottom part of the earth, that is where! It may, in fact, be Alex, a "nighthawk" radiologist, who by virtue of being in a very different time zone, will, during what is day for him, get a report back to your stateside doctor. Nad also (naturally) works for an international corporation.

The couple reflects a cosmopolitan life not only in their upbringing, their professional lives and their personal day to day lives, but also in their philosophy of living. They are both very proud of their cultural heritages, but in terms of actual religious beliefs are much more humanistic in their leanings. They wanted their ceremony to reflect this, and their idea of how it would was to have a fairly traditional, while inclusive, Jewish ceremony, with Thai customs before and after it. For the location, they chose Koh Samui, a small picturesque island in the southern part of Thailand.

Their exciting beachside ceremony began with the sound of the beating of a gong and drums and men we could not yet see, shouting in Thai, "Here we come, we are here," as they drew closer. The first thing we then saw was four ornately and traditionally dressed young Thai women, swaying slowly as they processed. We then saw the men we had heard before, followed by the "guest of honor" - a baby elephant! The elephant was decorated with ornate jewelry and was dancing too. They brought in the groom, and sat him next to the bride. One of the men then set up a xylophone, and the four women danced to its music an elaborate synchronized dance in front of the bride and groom. They ended by spreading before them a bed of rose petals in perfect synchronization.

I then officiated the Jewish portion of the ceremony under a lovely chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy) on the beach. They exchanged heartfelt vows and rings, and shared a cup of wine. They signed an attractive ketubah (ceremonial Jewish marriage contract) written in Hebrew, English and Thai. (Nad's mom, a professional translator, helped with the translation.) I then blessed them with the Priestly Blessing, which is the most ancient copy of scripture archeologists have found in Israel. I explained how our forefathers, those who gave us the Torah, imagined my mythic ancestor, the first high priest, Aaron, brother of Moses, blessing the Children of Israel with these very words. I love reciting this blessing in a third language (aside from Hebrew and English) when appropriate. In fact, I have blessed couples in Spanish (I do live in Tejas, after all), French, Arabic and Bulgarian. This time I used four languages, as I blessed Nad and Alex with the words of my great ancestor and theirs in Hebrew, English, Russian and Thai.

After the Jewish portion of the ceremony, we observed more Thai customs. We all got to feed the baby elephant. This "baby" ate whole clusters of bananas and watermelon quarters. The elephant also danced some more while playing the harmonica. (Seriously.) In Thai culture the elephant is the symbol of the king, and therefore in a broader sense is used to symbolize the nation and its happiness. Nad and Alex then planted a small "love tree" together, and raised a "marriage flag" on a tall staff. The final Thai custom was most interesting. Guests were invited to light small paper-covered lanterns. Once lit, by the virtue of the hot air inside, these rose far into the air, till they looked like far away stars. Each guest was encouraged to make a wish upon these stars for the good fortune of the bride and groom.

During my personal remarks, I talked about what a wonderful lesson the bride and groom taught us, in bringing us all together on that magical island. They showed us that people from different countries, cultures and religions can come together, enjoy each other's company and cultures, and make this seem effortless. Hopefully, I said, the whole world will learn Nad and Alex's lesson too. And, if they need an elephant to help make this happen, consider it done...

Lori and Matt – They Didn’t Just Go With the Flow

This last Saturday I officiated two weddings in Austin, Texas. The first was Lori and Matt’s. Lori and Matt are really special people. Lori is an attorney, who works for a non-profit, and Matt grew up to actually work in one of those fields all little boys dream about working in, firefighting! They both have a rather humanistic bent, which is what I tried to bring out in my personal remarks:

One thing that struck me from my very first discussion with Lori and Matt is that really the phrase “interfaith couple” did not fit the bill with regards to this couple. “Intercultural couple” may be a more apt term. Indeed, each of them sees their religious heritage more in the context of culture than religious belief and practice. You see - Lori and Matt come from different backgrounds, and have had different life stories; however they have more in common in terms of faith and belief, than many other couples out there.

This is not due to coincidence. This is due to the fact that these two did not just go with the flow. They chose to really think about these issues of faith and belief. They continue to choose as individuals and as a couple to carefully examine their lives spiritually, figure out who they are, and what they want out of life. Most importantly they recognize that need to continue to grow together in this sense, and to focus on the joy, happiness and meaning that such growth can bring to a couple’s life.

Lori and Matt, thank you for reminding us of the importance of truly figuring out one’s spiritual path. May you continue to learn and develop separately and together, and through this may your happiness increase and your bond strengthen.