The Rabbi and the Elephant: How I Officiated a Cosmopolitan Interfaith Wedding in Thailand

With guests from Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Russia, Thailand and the U.S. present, Nad and Alex's wedding was easily one of the most cosmopolitan I had ever officiated. With a fairly traditional inclusive Jewish ceremony, bookended by Thai customs, it was definitely one of the most intercultural. Throw in the fact that I was upstaged by an elephant, and you have the backdrop for a great story!

While one might think that the coupling of a Russian Jew and a Thai Buddhist might be a challenge, this bride and groom showed that it need not be so. This may just be because the bride, Nad (short for Nadusa), and the groom, Alex, who live in Australia, are true citizens of the world. Nad was born in Thailand, but grew up mainly in Australia and Europe, due to her father's work for Royal Thai Airways. She was schooled in an international school in Paris, and is fluent in (standard American accented) English, French, German and Thai. Alex was born in Russia, and he grew up there and (from age 15) in the U.S. He trained as a radiologist at Harvard, and practices a specific type of medicine that embodies the global village we live in. If you ever have an x-ray done in the middle of the night, you may wonder where on earth they find a radiologist to read it. Well, on the bottom part of the earth, that is where! It may, in fact, be Alex, a "nighthawk" radiologist, who by virtue of being in a very different time zone, will, during what is day for him, get a report back to your stateside doctor. Nad also (naturally) works for an international corporation.

The couple reflects a cosmopolitan life not only in their upbringing, their professional lives and their personal day to day lives, but also in their philosophy of living. They are both very proud of their cultural heritages, but in terms of actual religious beliefs are much more humanistic in their leanings. They wanted their ceremony to reflect this, and their idea of how it would was to have a fairly traditional, while inclusive, Jewish ceremony, with Thai customs before and after it. For the location, they chose Koh Samui, a small picturesque island in the southern part of Thailand.

Their exciting beachside ceremony began with the sound of the beating of a gong and drums and men we could not yet see, shouting in Thai, "Here we come, we are here," as they drew closer. The first thing we then saw was four ornately and traditionally dressed young Thai women, swaying slowly as they processed. We then saw the men we had heard before, followed by the "guest of honor" - a baby elephant! The elephant was decorated with ornate jewelry and was dancing too. They brought in the groom, and sat him next to the bride. One of the men then set up a xylophone, and the four women danced to its music an elaborate synchronized dance in front of the bride and groom. They ended by spreading before them a bed of rose petals in perfect synchronization.

I then officiated the Jewish portion of the ceremony under a lovely chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy) on the beach. They exchanged heartfelt vows and rings, and shared a cup of wine. They signed an attractive ketubah (ceremonial Jewish marriage contract) written in Hebrew, English and Thai. (Nad's mom, a professional translator, helped with the translation.) I then blessed them with the Priestly Blessing, which is the most ancient copy of scripture archeologists have found in Israel. I explained how our forefathers, those who gave us the Torah, imagined my mythic ancestor, the first high priest, Aaron, brother of Moses, blessing the Children of Israel with these very words. I love reciting this blessing in a third language (aside from Hebrew and English) when appropriate. In fact, I have blessed couples in Spanish (I do live in Tejas, after all), French, Arabic and Bulgarian. This time I used four languages, as I blessed Nad and Alex with the words of my great ancestor and theirs in Hebrew, English, Russian and Thai.

After the Jewish portion of the ceremony, we observed more Thai customs. We all got to feed the baby elephant. This "baby" ate whole clusters of bananas and watermelon quarters. The elephant also danced some more while playing the harmonica. (Seriously.) In Thai culture the elephant is the symbol of the king, and therefore in a broader sense is used to symbolize the nation and its happiness. Nad and Alex then planted a small "love tree" together, and raised a "marriage flag" on a tall staff. The final Thai custom was most interesting. Guests were invited to light small paper-covered lanterns. Once lit, by the virtue of the hot air inside, these rose far into the air, till they looked like far away stars. Each guest was encouraged to make a wish upon these stars for the good fortune of the bride and groom.

During my personal remarks, I talked about what a wonderful lesson the bride and groom taught us, in bringing us all together on that magical island. They showed us that people from different countries, cultures and religions can come together, enjoy each other's company and cultures, and make this seem effortless. Hopefully, I said, the whole world will learn Nad and Alex's lesson too. And, if they need an elephant to help make this happen, consider it done...

Lori and Matt – They Didn’t Just Go With the Flow

This last Saturday I officiated two weddings in Austin, Texas. The first was Lori and Matt’s. Lori and Matt are really special people. Lori is an attorney, who works for a non-profit, and Matt grew up to actually work in one of those fields all little boys dream about working in, firefighting! They both have a rather humanistic bent, which is what I tried to bring out in my personal remarks:

One thing that struck me from my very first discussion with Lori and Matt is that really the phrase “interfaith couple” did not fit the bill with regards to this couple. “Intercultural couple” may be a more apt term. Indeed, each of them sees their religious heritage more in the context of culture than religious belief and practice. You see - Lori and Matt come from different backgrounds, and have had different life stories; however they have more in common in terms of faith and belief, than many other couples out there.

This is not due to coincidence. This is due to the fact that these two did not just go with the flow. They chose to really think about these issues of faith and belief. They continue to choose as individuals and as a couple to carefully examine their lives spiritually, figure out who they are, and what they want out of life. Most importantly they recognize that need to continue to grow together in this sense, and to focus on the joy, happiness and meaning that such growth can bring to a couple’s life.

Lori and Matt, thank you for reminding us of the importance of truly figuring out one’s spiritual path. May you continue to learn and develop separately and together, and through this may your happiness increase and your bond strengthen.

The Seven Jewish Wedding Blessings – a Secular Humanistic Version

Many interfaith/Jewish weddings include the Seven Blessings . I was recently asked to officiate a ceremony, with a Secular Humanistic non-theistic Hebrew/English version of the Seven Blessings. I searched for a Hebrew version (I found only one or two), and nothing I found felt right, so I resolved to write one myself. It was important to me to preserve most of the original words, which would give it a traditional feel, and enable me to chant the blessings in the traditional tune. I also decided to try to write in a way that each of the six blessings (the seventh is the standard blessing over the wine) would parallel one of the six principles of the Humanist Manifesto III .

#1

Baruch hamaskil ba’adam hamaiveen sheha’olam lo nivra lichvodo.

Praised be the enlightened one amongst humans, who understands that the world was not created for him.

The traditional blessing blesses the deity for creating everything for his glory; humans are not the reason for creation. Humanists agree with the latter. The first Manifesto principle states that, “knowledge of the world is derived by observation, experimentation, and rational analysis”. It is these very tools that have made it clear that the vast Universe, was not created, and certainly not with us in mind.

#2

Baruch hamodeh al yitzeerat ha’adam.

Praised be the one who is thankful for the evolution of humans.

The traditional blessing thanks the deity for creating humans. The second Manifesto principle states that “humans are an integral part of nature, the result of unguided evolutionary change.” This does not belittle our existence. On the contrary, our existence is something that Humanists celebrate and marvel at, feeling lucky to be alive in such a wondrous world. Hebrew does not have a word for evolution, so I preserved the word, yatzar, which does not have a definite ex nihilo tone to it.

#3

Baruch ha’ohev kol ha’adam kitzalmo kitzelem dimoot tavneeto ki’ezro kol echad vi’echad. Baruch hamodeh al yitzeerat ha’adam.

Praised be the one, who loves all humans as one’s self, as one’s very own self, and loves every human as one loves one’s spouse. Praised be the one who is thankful for the evolution of humans.

The traditional blessing thanks the deity for creation in his image, the Mosaic rationale for according each human respect. The third Manifesto principle states that, “Humanists … are committed to treating each person as having inherent worth and dignity”. The Humanist sees no need to ground respect for fellow humans in anything beyond the Golden Rule. We treat everyone, as we would want to be treated or want our loved ones to be treated. The Hebrew word tzelem, in this context, means “himself”, rather than “his image”.

#4

Sose tasees vitagail ha’akarah bikeebootz baneha litochah biseemcha. Baruch hasame’ach eem tziyon bishoov baneha.

Let the barren (city) be joyful and exulted at the ingathering of her children into her midst in gladness. Praised be the one who shares in the gladness of Zion at the return of her children.

The fourth traditional blessing prays the barren Israel/Jerusalem, will one day (anthropomorphically) rejoice in the Jewish People’s return. The fourth Manifesto principle tells us that meaning is not imposed by the deity. We “animate our lives with a deep sense of purpose, finding wonder and awe in the joys and beauties of human existence, its challenges and tragedies.” We can derive meaning from human history and culture. As Jews, we are proud that we rose from the ashes, and fulfilled the “2000 year old hope”, returning to Israel, which serves as a beacon of democracy and Jewish culture.

#5

Same’ach nisamach re’eem ha’ahuveem kiseemchat gan eden meekedem. Baruch misame’ach chatan vikalah.

Let us gladden the loving couple, (so they may enjoy gladness) like the legendary gladness of paradise. Praised be the one, who gladdens the bridegroom and the bride .

The fifth traditional blessing implores the deity to gladden the couple, as he gladdened Adam and Eve. The Humanistic blessing is explicit about the non-factual nature of this couple, but still embraces the idea of two people feeling like they were made for each other. The fifth Manifesto principle reminds us that, “humans are social by nature and find meaning in relationships.” The peak of human relationships is that of true lovers. The ending of #5-6 emphasizes that it is we who should gladden the couple.


#6

Brucheem hamarbeem sasone viseemcha chatan vichalah geelah reenah deetzah vichedvah ahavah vi’achvah vishalome vire’oot. Mihairah bichole ha’olam yeeshama keev’arai yihoodah oochvichootzote yirushalayeem kol sasone vikol seemcha kol chatan vikol kalah kol meetzhalote chataneem maichoopatam un’arim meemeeshteh nigeenatam. Baruch ha’misame’ach chatan im hakalah.

Praised be those who increase, joy and gladness, bridegroom and bride, exultation, song, pleasure and delight, love and brotherhood, peace and friendship. May there soon be heard, all over the world, as in the cities of Judea and as in the streets of Jerusalem, the sound of joy and the sound of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the happy shouting of bridegrooms from their weddings and of young men and women from their song filled feasts. Praised be the one, who causes the bridegroom and bride to be glad together.

The sixth traditional blessing thanks the deity for creating happiness, and implores him to hasten the day, where liberty may return to Israel, so weddings may regularly occur thereii. The sixth Manifesto principle also discusses happiness and liberty. It tells us that, “working to benefit society maximizes individual happiness”, and that we must “minimize the inequities of circumstance and ability… so that as many as possible can enjoy a good life.” To get there we must, “uphold the equal enjoyment of human rights and civil liberties.” The return of our own right of self determination as Jews, coupled with Israel’s democratic nature, inspire us to work towards a world where all people live happy and free.

I hope these blessings will enhance future wedding celebrations. In the words of the Manifesto, may we be “guided by reason, inspired by compassion, and informed by experience”, and, through that “live life well and fully.”

© Copyright 2010 – Rabbi David S. Gruber – All Rights Reserved – First published on www.interfaithfamily.com