Beshert in Español

Yesterday, Saturday 6/7, I officiated Anukie and David's wedding ceremony at David's home in Mexico City, Mexico. I officiated the whole ceremony in Spanish. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests. (An English translation follows):

En mis pláticas con Anukie y David, David dijo algo realmente fascinante, “Verdaderamente creo que yo fui hecho para Anukie, y que ella fue hecha para mí”. En Yiddish, el lenguaje germánico de mis antepasados europeos y los de David, existe una palabra específica para este concepto: Beshert. Esta palabra básicamente quiere decir hecho para el otro, o hecho en el paraíso. Dependiendo del contexto, puede tener significados un poco distinto; por ejemplo, Anukie puede decir “David es mi Beshert”, mientras David podría decir “Fue Beshert que los dos tuviéramos programas de radio consecutivos en la universidad, nos conociéramos, nos hiciéramos amigos, y después pareja”.

Estas palabras reflejan una creencia que precede la evolución el Yiddish a través de cientos de años. Los antiguos Rabinos nos dicen que antes de que un feto sea creado, una voz celestial anuncia con quién el feto eventualmente se casará. Así, que hace poco tiempo, podemos imaginar a esa voz proclamando “Anukie se casará con David”.

Ahora, podemos hacernos la siguiente pregunta, ¿los Rabinos verdaderamente creían esto?, ¿debemos creerlo nosotros? Cada uno de nosotros puede tener su propia respuesta. Lo que es realmente importante e interesante es preguntarnos ¿qué podemos aprender de esto?

Yo creo que Anukie puede tener la respuesta. Una de las primeras cosas que me dijo cuándo se describió a si misma fue “me considero una persona espiritual que confía en lo que Dios tiene para mí en cada aspecto de mi vida, mientras creo que es mi responsabilidad trabajar para intensificar todas las bendiciones que se me han dado”.

Decirid pasar el resto de tu vida con alguien es una decision muy grande, tal vez incluso la más grande que podemos hacer. Todos nosotros debemos tomar responsabilidad y hacer esa decisión de forma metódica, cuidadosa y deliberada como Anukie y David hicieron. Sin embargo, cómo no hay manera de predecir el future, debmos balancear nuestras vidas con nuestra confianza en el futuro. Dependiendo de quiénes somos, y en lo que creemos, además de en quién o qué confiamos puede ser un poco distinto. No obstante, debemos tener la voluntad de tomar el siguiente paso, donde el conocimiento humano y los cálculos fríos terminan. Ustedes tienen que encontrar el balance entre hacer lo mejor que pueden y tener la voluntad de ir más allá de dónde el conocimiento humano termina. Deben apegarse entre ustedes en la vida, el amor y el matrimonio, de la misma manera que lo hacen Anukie y David.

English Translation:

In my discussions with Anukie and David, David said something really fascinating, "I truly believe that I was made for Anukie and she was made for me." Yiddish, the Germanic Jewish language of my and David's ancestors back in Europe, actually has a special word for this concept, "Beshert". This word basically means made for each other, or made in heaven. Depending on the context, it can have subtly different meanings, though. Anukie could say, "David is my Beshert," while David could also say, "It was Beshert that we both happened to have consecutive radio shows at university, and so met, became friends, and then lovers.

Now, this word reflects a belief that preceded the evolution of the Yiddish language by hundreds of years. The ancient rabbis actually tell us that before a fetus is created, a heavenly voice announces who the fetus will eventually marry. So not all that long ago, we can imagine that voice proclaiming in heaven, Anukie will marry David.

Now, we could ask the question, "Did the rabbis really believe this? Should we believe this?" Each of us might have their own answer. What is a far more interesting and useful question is "What lesson should we learn from this?"

I think Anukie may have an answer. One of the first things she told me in describing herself is this: "I consider myself a spiritual person who trusts in what God has for me in every aspect of my life, while I believe that is my responsibility to work and enhance all the blessings he has given me."

Deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone is a big decision, perhaps one of the biggest one can make. We really have to take responsibility and make that choice very methodically, carefully and deliberately like Anukie and David did. However, since there is no way we can predict the future, we must balance all of that with trust in the future. Depending on who you are, and what you believe in, who or what you trust in might be a little different. Regardless, we have to have the willingness to take that next step, where human knowledge and calculation end. You have to have that balance of doing your best, with the willingness to move forward where human knowledge ends. You have to hold tight on to both in life, love and marriage, just like Anukie and David are...

Don't Be Afraid to Add Some Spice

      

Yesterday, Saturday 3/29, I co-officiated Marisol and Jonathan's wedding in Acapulco, Mexico with Padré Jesús Quirce Andrés, L.C., Rector of the Universidad Anahuac. We officiated the entire ceremony in Spanish. My personal remarks in Spanish follow, along with a translation to Englsih below them:   

Lo que me gusta de Marisol y Jonathan es que son personas profundas e inteligentes que viven a través de ciertas sencillas pero profundas ideas pero tanto como individuos y como pareja . 

Ellos saben que en este mundo material en el que vivimos, las cosas son importantes, pero las experiencias importan mucho más. Por lo tanto hay que saborearlas.

Ellos entienden que las identidades religiosas y culturales son importantes, pero el enfoque de la religión ha de dirigirse en ser una buena persona. Por lo tanto , debemos canalizar nuestros sentimientos religiosos en hacer del mundo un lugar major. 

Se dan cuenta de que lo que los mexicanos nos han enseñado a los estadounidenses, que las buenas relaciones como la buena comida son mejores picante que insípida. Por lo tanto, ellos no temen por las diferencias. Ellos las aprovechan para mejorar su amor.

Así que ahí los tienen, saborear sus experiencias, hace del mundo un lugar mejor y logra que no le temamos a un poco de picante en la vida. No es una mala receta para una vida feliz juntos.

What I like about Marisol and Jonathan is that they are deep and smart people who live by a few simple yet profound ideas as individuals and as a couple.

They know that in this very material world we live in, things do matter, but experiences matter much more. Therefore we must savor them.

They understand that religious and cultural identities matter, but religion's focus must be on being a good person. Therefore, we must channel our religious feelings into making the world a better place.

They realize that what you Mexicans have taught us Americans, that good relationships like good food are better spicy rather than bland. Therefore, they don't shy away from their differences. They harness them to enhance their love.

So there you have it, savor your experiences, make the world a better place and add don't be afraid of some spice. Not a bad recipe for a happy life together.

Embracing Español in Interfaith and Jewish Weddings

In my final year of rabbinic training, I participated in a program that trained rabbis for, and placed them in far flung communities. My choices were Wellington, New Zealand, or someplace in Latin America. I chose the former, saying to myself, "Hey, they speak English. How different can it be?" (Answer: Very.) "Anyway, going to Latin America, would mean I would have to learn Spanish. When on earth will I ever need that again?" Smash cut to seven short years later, and where do I move to? That's right, Tejas.  (How DO you say, "Poor judgment," in Español?)

 

Now, you might be saying to yourself, "What's he crying about? He's a rabbi! When does HE ever need Spanish?" Well, think again. When you marry about 50 interfaith couples a year, the answer is, "More often than you think!" About a quarter of the U.S. population below 17 is Hispanic, and 58% of Jews marry non-Jews. Do the math, and you will understand how many Hispanic Jewish weddings we should expect in the next few years.

My anecdotal evidence fits these statistics. There are more and more couples, that want some Spanish in their ceremonies. Usually, the non-Jewish side is the Hispanic one, but sometimes it is the Jewish side. Beyond that, as the world becomes smaller and flatter, there are interfaith couples in Latin America, who choose an American rabbi to officiate their weddings, but still want the ceremony to be officiated entirely in Spanish.

The first part of a wedding ceremony I did in Spanish was the Priestly Blessing. I just had a friend teach me how to read it. At the time I really thought I would not go beyond that. That whet my appetite, though, and I decided to take a course or two in Spanish at our local community college.

The "secret" I discovered regarding Spanish is that Spanish is one of the easiest languages to learn to read. English, which is really a hodge podge of different languages, has many different exceptions, and spelling and pronunciation sometimes bear little relation to each other. Spanish, however, much like Hebrew, has a pretty consistent set of consonants and vowels. Once you learn how pronounce each, you can read pretty much anything. Beyond that, the rules of very basic Spanish grammar are, once again, much easier to grasp, than those of English. One more thing that helps English speakers is that the number of cognates (identical or similar words) shared by English and Spanish is great.

Once I took two Spanish courses, I was able to mix more Spanish into ceremonies. If a couple was willing to translate something, I was willing to master saying it at their wedding. Then, in December 2012 in Santiago, Chilé, and once again in August 2013 in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, I successfully officiated two ceremonies entirely in Spanish. Each time I practiced what I was going to say, so I could say it fluently, and so both ceremonies went quite smoothly. In fact, both times, during the reception, people came up to me, and attempted to speak to me in Spanish!

 

The funny thing about going outside our comfort zone, and learning how to operate in Spanish is that in a way, it is like coming home. Spain was home to one of the greatest Jewish communities ever, for hundreds of years, prior to their expulsion/forced conversion by Ferdinand and Isabella in 1492. The Jews who left Spain took with them a Spanish dialect written in Hebrew characters called Ladino, a language some use to this very day in prayer and speech. Some ended up in the New World, and in the nascent United States these Sephardic (Spain in Hebrew is Sefarad) Jews were more numerous than their Ashkenzic (Northern/Central European) brethren.

At the same time, many conversos (forced converts, who sometimes remained secretly Jewish), made their way to the Americas too, in attempt to escape the Inquistion. As its long arm reached across the Atlantic, many of them moved north to the outer reaches of Spanish territory, as far north as today's American Southwest, only to vanish into the local Hispanic populations.

In these senses, officiating a wedding with some Spanish in it, or even entirely in Spanish, is nothing new, and certainly not alien. The past is once again present. It is indeed just coming home.

 

Copyright 2013 - Rabbi David S. Gruber. First published on www.interfaithfamily.com 

Lifelong Learning in the Broadest Sense

On Saturday night (12/22) I officiated Florencia and Gustavo's wedding ceremony at Casona San Ignacio in Santiago, Chilé. This is the first wedding I officiated entirely in Spanish. Here is an English translation of the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Friends, one of the most fascinating things about the Jewish tradition is that a Jewish scholar, be he the greatest scholar of his generation, is referred to as a talmid chacham, literally a wise student. That is because Judaism so values the idea of lifelong learning. Whenever I officiate a wedding, I ask myself, this couple, being unique individuals, what can I learn from them, what are they; consciously or perhaps unconsciously, teaching me, and indeed us?

In fact what I think we can learn from Florencia and Gustavo is just that - the importance of lifelong learning in the broadest sense. They are first and foremost learners. They relish learning. They look for opportunities to learn. They try to learn from every person and from every situation.

What qualities do these two exhibit that enable them to be the ultimate learners?

They are very self-aware and deeply self-reflective. They have never really been interested in conforming and doing something just because others do it. They highly value difference - be it different outlooks, different cultures and especially different people. They know that nothing worth having comes easy. They are thoroughly independent. Perhaps the most important thing is they care very deeply about others, and they realize that in almost any situation, the healthiest approach is to realize, that it is really not about you.

The really cool thing is that they live by this creed not only in their individual lives, but in their life as a couple. In fact that makes their relationship so strong, since the very qualities that make a person a lifelong learner are the qualities that will make a person an ideal lifelong partner.

Florencia and Gustavo, thank you for this vital lesson. May you continue to live your lives in this very fashion for many happy years to come.

And here they are, as I actually did them in Spanish:

Amigos, una de las cosas más fascinantes de la tradición Judía, es que un sabio Judío, aunque sea el mayor sabio de su generación, es llamado talmid chacham; literalmente, estudiante sabio. Esto es porque el Judaismo valora mucho la idea del aprendizaje a lo largo de la vida. Cada vez que oficio en un matrimonio, me pregunto; ¿De esta pareja, siendo individuos únicos, qué puedo aprender? ¿Qué es lo que ellos, consciente o tal vez inconscientemente, me enseñan a mí, y a todos nosotros?

En efecto, lo que creo que podemos aprender de Florencia y Gustavo, es precisamente eso – la importancia de un aprendizaje a lo largo de toda la vida, en el sentido más amplio. Ellos son, primero y ante todo, estudiantes. Aman el saber. Buscan oportunidades para aprender. Intentan aprender de cada persona y cada situación.

¿Qué cualidades tienen, que les permiten ser grandes aprendices?

Son muy conscientes de sí mismos, y profundamente auto-reflexivos. Nunca han estado interesados en conformarse, y hacer algo sólo porque otros lo hacen. Valoran mucho lo distinto – ya sea un aspecto distinto, una cultura distinta y, especialmente, personas distintas. Saben que nada que valga la pena se consigue sin esfuerzo. Son sumamente independientes. Tal vez lo más importante es que se preocupan profundamente de los demás, y se dan cuenta de que, en casi toda ocasión, lo mas sano es notar que la situación no gira en torno a ellos.

La cosa más increible es que viven bajo ese credo, no solo en sus vidas individuales, sino que también en su vida como pareja. De hecho, esto fortalece su relación, pues las cualidades que hacen de alguien un gran aprendiz, son las mismas cualidades que hacen de una persona una pareja de vida ideal.

Forencia y Gustavo, gracias por esta vital lección. Esperamos que continúen viviendo sus vidas de la misma forma, por todos los felices años que vendrán.