The Only Way to Grow

Friday evening, February 24, 2023, I officiated Shelby and Sam’s wedding ceremony at the Frisco Heritage Depot in Frisco, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I am privileged to have a son who is now attending the school at which Shelby and Sam’s romantic adventure began, the University of Texas at Dallas. Last year, said child and I attended a mandatory orientation for transfer students like him. We learned a fascinating and almost hard-to-believe factoid about UTD. 

The head honcho present shared with great relish that UTD, as of this last season, remains undefeated in football. Now, if you are laughing already, you get it. If you are not familiar with UTD, allow me to explain. The reason they remain undefeated in football, Texas’ official state religion, is that UTD, which until 1994 didn’t even have undergraduates, never has and will likely never have a football team. Thus, they remain undefeated in football. 

Now, a joke is never funnier when you analyze it, but that has never stopped me before. The reason this joke is funny is that we all understand that remaining undefeated is not that impressive if you have never competed in the first place. Sure, competing is hard, and losing, which necessarily you will, is painful, but that is the only way you grow. 

That is the part that rom-coms usually leave out. They tell you the story of the couple meeting, the sparks flying, the couple’s feelings, and even saying they are soulmates. And then they end. They remain undefeated in their relationship, if you will, but only because they never really compete in the field of real life.  

Shelby gets this. She says, “I want to marry Sam because he makes me want to be a better person. He spends every day loving me, even on bad days. He always tries to make me happy even when it is impossible.” Sam gets this. He says, “We desire to marry because we believe we have truly found our soulmates in each other.” 

Dr. Michael Tobin explains, “To find your soulmate, you must first understand that humans are not meant to be alone and that the purpose of a relationship is not merely to get our individual needs met—but rather as a challenge to grow—and to help our partners reach their potential.”

Shelby and Sam, may you continue to make each other better as true soulmates do, and may you continue to grow as individuals and as a couple for all the days of your lives.