A Team Working Together

Saturday evening, February 18, 2023, Dr. Holly Hull Miori and I co-officiated Breanna and Garrett’s wedding ceremony at the Hillside Estate in Cross Roads, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The day I wrote these remarks, indeed, this entire ceremony seemed extra appropriate. It was both Christmas and the seventh day of Chanukah; talk about interfaith! One of the funniest things that Breanna told me about growing up has to do with Chanukah: “I have to say that my favorite part about Chanukah was Grandma Sheila’s potato latkes. I would eat and eat and eat until I could no longer fit into my pants.” I think we call identify.

Though Breanna and Garrett come from different backgrounds, the way their parents raised them regarding religion was remarkably similar. Garrett says, “[My parents] thought it would be best that I authentically find or involve myself in… religion on my own. If I had questions or needed guidance… they would for sure help, but they felt that it was not their place to force any sort of faith upon me… I really enjoyed those conversations with my parents and appreciated their respect for my own decisions.” 

And Breanna says, “My parents never pushed me into learning or going to Sunday school; they had always told me that if I was interested in learning, they would help me seek it out.” This was well evident in the meeting I had with Breanna’s dad before I even met Breanna and Garrett. He was very clear about the fact that it was his and Breanna’s mom’s preference that they have a rabbi involved in their wedding, but that, ultimately, it was the couple’s decision.

This is not as easy as it sounds. I meet far too many couples whose parents do not take this approach. I have sympathy for these folks. I think we all are that person at some point. It’s a lot easier to tell your kids what to do than to give them the tools to make decisions and allow them to choose to develop themselves into the human beings they wish to become. 

The ability to raise your kids the latter way demands an acute recognition of who you are and where you come from. (I found this to be literally true regarding Breanna’s folks, and I sense that it is the same with Garrett’s folks.) 

Gary and I played a “game” familiar to all Jews, “Jewish geography.” He told me their family was from Ukraine. I shared that my grandfather, the late and longest-serving rabbi of Congregation Tree of Life in Columbia, South Carolina, was also from Ukraine. He asked where, and when I named the town, he took out his phone and showed me on his Google Maps where it was and how far it was from where they were from.

However, the most important thing you need to raise your kids this way is to operate well as a team. This is something that both Breanna and Garrett realize, again, likely, because they had good examples at home. 

Garrett says, “When I think of marriage, I think of a team working together through love and sacrifice. When I see Breanna, I see my best friend and my teammate… I desire the feeling of mutual love and connection which I feel with Breanna.”

And Breanna says, “He is my best friend, teammate, and right-hand man… When I see Garrett, I see a lifetime partner, a loving father (in the future, haha), a friend, and a husband. I can’t wait to start a lifelong future with my best friend.”