Breaking the Rules

Thursday evening, March 16, 2023, I officiated Jade and Niv’s wedding ceremony at The Milestone in Krum, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

There are just so many fun facts about Jade and Niv’s relationship, that I don’t know where to start. The one that might most surprise you, though, is that they both hail from a Lone Star State. 

Now, if you really know Jade and Niv, you’ve just done a doubletake. Is this one of those officiants that just walks in to perform a wedding ceremony without knowing the couple? How could he miss the fact that though Jade is from Texas, Niv is from Israel? Did he think that Niv’s accent indicated he was from Amarillo or something?

Rest assured, the answer to all of those three questions is no. I know Niv is not from Texas. I didn’t say Jade and Niv both hail from THE Lone Star State. I said they both hail from A Lone Star State. 

You may not have ever thought of this, but there is another Lone Star State, the one that Niv comes from. That’s right, Israel. (Think of the flag. Get it?) Incidentally, I didn’t make that up. Credit goes to one of the most colorful political figures in recent Texas political history, and we have quite a few of those, Carole Keeton Strayhorn, known by the moniker “One Tough Grandma.”

Now, there are many differences between our Lone Star States, and I say that as someone who grew up in Israel and lives in Texas. However, there are many commonalities too. Both states on the community and individual levels exhibit a certain “devil may care” attitude that disregards the rules.

This is why I was unsurprised that the way Jade and Niv met was through violating the rules. Nowadays, most of the couples I marry meet online through apps. So did Jade and Niv. However, all the other couples meet on apps – try this one on for size – meant for dating. Not Jade and Niv. They met on a language study app. 

Now, you might think that that language study app knows this thing is bound to happen and that they are OK with it, indifferent to it., or maybe even encourage it. No, the terms of use of this app state that you may NOT use the app for dating. Now, you might be charitable and think that perhaps Jade and Niv didn’t know this. Nobody really reads those terms of use, right? Nah, they knew it. But in the Lone Star States, rules are meant to be broken.

You might not yet be convinced of my point. Sure, that app has a rule against what they did, but who cares. It’s just an app. What really matters is that you abide by societal conventions in what really matters. You know, and I’m just randomly spitballing here, like with marriage proposals.

Here is a huge difference between not so much Texas and Israel but the U.S. and Israel. They say everything is bigger in Texas, but with regard to marriage proposals, everything is bigger in America. 

If Becky shows up in the office on Monday with a new rock on her finger, and the proposal does not involve a literal three-ring circus, by the time her girlfriends are done working her over, she is rethinking not just her engagement but all of her life’s choices.

In Israel (and a huge caveat to this is that America has infected the rest of the world with our ways, so by now even in foreign countries the circus is expected) we are a little more low-key on the proposals. 

And, so, again, I am unsurprised by where Niv proposed. Niv gazed into the distance, no doubt wistfully thinking of Bobby Kennedy’s quote, “Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were and ask why not.” He then stiffened his spine with the resolve Israelis are known for, got down on one knee, and proposed… at Dallas Love Field, right next to the baggage claim carousel. 

All kidding aside, the words of that Boston Brahmin, who by the way was assassinated precisely because he was seen as too supportive of Israel, truly explain the essence of our rules-breaking Lone Star States, as well as the essence of Jade and Niv’s relationship. We don’t break the rules for the sake of breaking the rules. We simply don’t automatically accept that things have to be the way they are.

“That is the way we do things here” is never a great explanation, but other places and other couples just roll with it anyway. Thankfully, Jade and Niv know better. They ask why not, and in that question, they impart to us a great lesson, which we would be all wise to heed.