Breaking the Rules

Thursday evening, March 16, 2023, I officiated Jade and Niv’s wedding ceremony at The Milestone in Krum, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

There are just so many fun facts about Jade and Niv’s relationship, that I don’t know where to start. The one that might most surprise you, though, is that they both hail from a Lone Star State. 

Now, if you really know Jade and Niv, you’ve just done a doubletake. Is this one of those officiants that just walks in to perform a wedding ceremony without knowing the couple? How could he miss the fact that though Jade is from Texas, Niv is from Israel? Did he think that Niv’s accent indicated he was from Amarillo or something?

Rest assured, the answer to all of those three questions is no. I know Niv is not from Texas. I didn’t say Jade and Niv both hail from THE Lone Star State. I said they both hail from A Lone Star State. 

You may not have ever thought of this, but there is another Lone Star State, the one that Niv comes from. That’s right, Israel. (Think of the flag. Get it?) Incidentally, I didn’t make that up. Credit goes to one of the most colorful political figures in recent Texas political history, and we have quite a few of those, Carole Keeton Strayhorn, known by the moniker “One Tough Grandma.”

Now, there are many differences between our Lone Star States, and I say that as someone who grew up in Israel and lives in Texas. However, there are many commonalities too. Both states on the community and individual levels exhibit a certain “devil may care” attitude that disregards the rules.

This is why I was unsurprised that the way Jade and Niv met was through violating the rules. Nowadays, most of the couples I marry meet online through apps. So did Jade and Niv. However, all the other couples meet on apps – try this one on for size – meant for dating. Not Jade and Niv. They met on a language study app. 

Now, you might think that that language study app knows this thing is bound to happen and that they are OK with it, indifferent to it., or maybe even encourage it. No, the terms of use of this app state that you may NOT use the app for dating. Now, you might be charitable and think that perhaps Jade and Niv didn’t know this. Nobody really reads those terms of use, right? Nah, they knew it. But in the Lone Star States, rules are meant to be broken.

You might not yet be convinced of my point. Sure, that app has a rule against what they did, but who cares. It’s just an app. What really matters is that you abide by societal conventions in what really matters. You know, and I’m just randomly spitballing here, like with marriage proposals.

Here is a huge difference between not so much Texas and Israel but the U.S. and Israel. They say everything is bigger in Texas, but with regard to marriage proposals, everything is bigger in America. 

If Becky shows up in the office on Monday with a new rock on her finger, and the proposal does not involve a literal three-ring circus, by the time her girlfriends are done working her over, she is rethinking not just her engagement but all of her life’s choices.

In Israel (and a huge caveat to this is that America has infected the rest of the world with our ways, so by now even in foreign countries the circus is expected) we are a little more low-key on the proposals. 

And, so, again, I am unsurprised by where Niv proposed. Niv gazed into the distance, no doubt wistfully thinking of Bobby Kennedy’s quote, “Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were and ask why not.” He then stiffened his spine with the resolve Israelis are known for, got down on one knee, and proposed… at Dallas Love Field, right next to the baggage claim carousel. 

All kidding aside, the words of that Boston Brahmin, who by the way was assassinated precisely because he was seen as too supportive of Israel, truly explain the essence of our rules-breaking Lone Star States, as well as the essence of Jade and Niv’s relationship. We don’t break the rules for the sake of breaking the rules. We simply don’t automatically accept that things have to be the way they are.

“That is the way we do things here” is never a great explanation, but other places and other couples just roll with it anyway. Thankfully, Jade and Niv know better. They ask why not, and in that question, they impart to us a great lesson, which we would be all wise to heed.

What Really Counts

Saturday evening, I officiated Jeanne and Ronen’s wedding ceremony at the JW Marriott San Antonio Hill Country Resort and Spa, in San Antonio, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

One of the things that strike us, Israelis, about Texas is its sheer size. Everything IS bigger in Texas, including, well, Texas. Texans, in turn, are struck by how tiny Israel is. 

I have personally confirmed this story with our former governor and president, which illustrates this fact. George went on the obligatory visit to Israel in 1998, when he was planning his eventually successful run for the presidency. In those days, then future prime minister, Ariel Sharon, would take each prospective candidate on a helicopter ride. He would specifically show them the distance between the Green Line, the border of Israel Proper and the sea, which is just a few miles long. Seeing this #43 exclaimed, "We have driveways longer than that in Texas!" Humor aside, if you have been to a large Texas ranch, you know he was not lying!

Now, there are not that many American states that Israel can lord over due to their small size. Israel is often compared to New Jersey. It's not just because our politicians are usually also indicted shortly after they take the oath of office, just like in New Jersey; their size is similar. And New Jersey is much bigger than Rhode Island, where Jeanne is from. In fact, you could fit seven Rhode Islands inside Israel and the Palestinian Territories! 

Fortunately, size isn't everything. Mark Twain lived his latter days in a tiny state not far from Rhode Island, and earlier in life he visited what is now Israel, which was quite a feat at his time. He reminds us of a fact, that Texans would be wise to keep in mind, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog." 

That aphorism is very relevant to this couple. The special intimate ceremony we take part in today is not a Texas sized celebration. That would not fit the personality of this Rhode Island native or this sabra. However, if you know Jeanne and Ronen, you know this: The care they show for one another is great; the commitment they bring to their relationship is vast, and the mutual love they share is without end. And that, my friends, is what really counts. 

A Story of Redemption

Last night, Tuesday 2/18, I officiated Ellen and Bill's wedding at their home in Flower Mound, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

When I sat down to write about Ellen and Bill, I was reminded of the story of Amram and Yocheved, Moses' parents.

Most people are familiar with the Biblical account of the birth of Moses. Pharaoh commands that all Hebrew male babies be thrown into the Nile. Moses is born, and hidden for three months. Then his mother puts him in a floating cradle on the Nile, as his sister, Miriam watches over him from afar. Then the daughter of the very Pharaoh, who wants him and his like dead, raises him as her own. He grows up to be the redeemer of Israel.

Now, the rabbis of old, as they are apt to do, embellish the story. They tell us that due to Pharaoh's command, Amram divorced Yocheved, because he did not want to have children, only to have them killed by Pharaoh. When Miriam saw this she confronted her father, and told him that he was worse than Pharaoh, since Pharaoh had commanded all baby boys be eliminated, and Amram was ensuring there would be no baby boys or baby girls born. Amram listened to Miriam, remarried Yocheved, and only due to that act, they had Moses.

Now when they had Moses, since he was a boy, Amram was none too pleased with Miriam, and told her just that. That is why she follows Moses through the bulrushes to see what will be the rest of the story. Once again, the rest of the story is one of redemption.

The lessons of this story and of Ellen and Bill's love story are similar and multifold. Both stories show us that learning can come from the most unexpected places, and so you need to be open to learning from everyone. Both stories tell us that it is totally human to lose faith. However, they also tell us that we can overcome and continue to believe in the capacity for change. And both stories tell us that for learning to be meaningful, for change to be real, we need to act just like Amram and his daughter, Miriam; we need to hold each other accountable.

If you have all of those ingredients, your love story can be one of great redemption. That is the story of Amram and Yocheved, Miriam and Moses. That is the story of Ellen and Bill and their incredible journey. Their collective message is clear. Always be open to learn, believe in the capacity for change, and hold each other accountable. Let us all heed their message.