Pura Vida!

Saturday night (1/24) I officiated Carolyn and Hector's wedding at Maison de Macarty in Bywater, New Orleans, Louisiana. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

 

Friends, our shared traditions embrace lifelong learning, and learning from everyone. So, whenever I officiate a wedding, I ask myself, this couple being unique individuals, what can I learn from them, what are they, consciously or maybe even unconsciously, teaching me, and indeed us?

I am personally fascinated with origin stories. Here is the origin story of today's wedding in Carolyn's own words: "During one of my visits to Costa Rica, I stumbled upon a suffering homeless animal. The community had already come together and invested financially and emotionally in the dog’s care... I felt compelled to assist. Because of this I entered Hector’s work to rent a car to get her to a veterinary facility. Although it took him three weeks to finally ask for a date, we have been together since."

This reminded me of a fascinating rabbinic tale. The Bible does not really explain why Moses was chosen by God to lead the Children of Israel out of Egypt. Now, actually, the Bible does give us enough reasons why he shouldn't. He does not want the job; he does not think the Children of Israel will listen to him; not only is he not a great speaker, he's a poor speaker; he does not think he will be a good leader. So, the Rabbis fill in the back story, the origin story of Moses' leadership.

They tell us that one day Moses was tending the flock of his father in law, Jethro, and a small kid ran away. Moses chased after the kid a fair distance. When he caught up with the animal, he found it drinking from a small stream. Moses said, "Now I understand why you were running away. You were thirsty! You must be very tired now." So, Moses waited for the kid to finish drinking, gently picked it up, and carried it back to the flock. Then God said, if Moses has such a kind heart that this is how he treats animals, certainly he will treat humans kindly too. He will lead my flock, Israel. What matters to God are not superficial attributes; what matters to God is a kind heart.

Now, fortunately, you and I never have to choose a leader to liberate 2 million people from slavery. However, if we are fortunate enough, we choose a spouse. Choosing a spouse is somewhat similar to choosing a leader. In both situations, we have to predict the future. We don't know what we as a country will need, when we elect a president. Likewise, we don't know what we will need or be like a few years into a marriage. So, like God in the rabbinic tale, we look for a sign, an attribute that can serve as a quasi-crystal ball - kindness, a good heart. That is what Carolyn and Hector saw in each other. That is why the origin story of this couple is so significant. They both displayed and admired, in each other, that same kindness that God saw in Moses.

Now, there are actually three more instances in the Moses story that reminded me of this couple. Moses is told to strike the Nile in the Blood and Frog Plagues and the Earth in the Lice Plague. However, he does not do so himself. The Rabbis say that this was because Moses did not want to show ingratitude to the Nile that hid him as a baby and the Earth that hid the evil task master he had killed as a young man. Think about how revolutionary this idea is. Moses showing gratitude to animals is one thing, but to inanimate objects?! That is truly incredible.

And yet, today, to our peril, we understand what happens when we disrespect our waterways and our Earth. We perceive exactly what happens when we do not live in harmony with nature, both animate and inanimate. In this sense, this couple is emblematic. Seldom have I heard two people talk about their love for nature, sustainability and the environment as kindly and passionately, as these two. Just look around you and you can see that in this very ceremony.

With that in mind, can any of us have any doubt that these two will live a life that truly and most definitely embodies "Pura Vida?"

Whole Tablets and Broken Tablets

 

Yesterday, Saturday 7/12, I officiated Sharon and Judy's wedding at the Sheraton Albuquerque Uptown in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The Bible tells us that after Moses received the Ten Commandments, he saw the people worshipping the Golden Calf, and broke the tablets. Now, being a sensible Jew, Moses had taken out a full warranty, so after paying a fifty shekel deductible, God gave him a new set of tablets. Eventually, Moses is instructed to put both sets of tablets in the Ark of the Covenant, so Indiana Jones could rescue it from the Nazis... (Not really.)

Now, the Rabbis of the Talmud learn a really cool lesson from this. "Be careful to respect a Torah scholar, who has forgotten his learning, since the whole tablets AND the broken tablets, both rest in the Ark." So, the Rabbis are afraid that since the Torah scholar has dementia, people might not accord him the respect he is due. They say, no, you must respect him. He is like the broken tablets. They too rest in the holy Ark.

I was reminded of this idea, when I reflected on what Sharon and Judy say about each other. They each are very particular about respecting those, who because of age or ability, are sometimes themselves forgotten. Listen to Sharon: "Judy demonstrated such deep compassion for the elderly people in our neighborhood. It was not uncommon, on a hot Summer’s day, for her to offer a ride home to some poor little elderly woman, or man, trudging along in the heat, trying to get groceries home before they spoiled. Our own shopping trips seldom ended without helping a senior neighbor to get home a little sooner and a little cooler. Not only did I love her for her sensitivity, I admired and respected her character and integrity. We also discovered that we both love animals and the natural beauty of our world and fervently believe that both should be protected and preserved."

Judy insists that if anyone is to be praised in this regard, it is Sharon: "Sharon cared and treasured all. Even if it was a mouse that we just could not allow to roam free in the house, she buried it as she does all of the Lord’s creatures and offered a blessing. When I think of these times, I fill with tears of love. This was carried into her work with her patients. As a speech language pathologist, she worked exclusively with older patients. She was dedicated to helping them find ways to communicate. I still hear her saying, 'I know that she is in there. I have to find a way to get in there and help her get out.'"

There is however another broader understanding of this idea of the whole tablets and the broken tablets both being important, that Sharon and Judy talk about and embody. They both understand deeply as individuals and as a couple, that life is a journey, where there are whole tablets and broken tablets along the way, and that true love is about treasuring both. As Sharon says: Thirty years ago, we met as two individuals.... each bringing a set of life experiences, joys, disappointments... talents and skills. Over the years we have blended all those ingredients and created a new shared set of life experiences. Together we have shared life cycles, as any other couple does... we have endured the heartache over the death of loved ones... parents and younger ones taken too soon... together, we’ve cried at the weddings of our nieces and rejoiced when a new baby was born into our family. We have enjoyed the acceptance of our relationship by loved ones from both families."

Judy reflects this too: "The Bronx, Mahopac, Mount Vernon, Manhattan, Madrid, Goshen, Connecticut and Albuquerque, New Mexico: all stops on the train of my life. The connection to New Mexico is the one that brings us to our celebration on July 12. My beshert and I have been together 30 years; as one can imagine we have shared both good times and difficult times. The 30 years have been a blessing, and though it would be hubris, it would be great to have an additional 30!"

There is one final way that Sharon and Judy's story, and the story of the two sets of tablets can inform what we celebrate here today. Liberal Judaism holds that though we treasure and value our ancient traditions, we shouldn't stick to each and every one of them. Sometimes, if a tradition is out of date and categorically wrong - for example the tradition of only heterosexuals being allowed marry - then we need to break it. We need to break it, set it aside, and carve a new fresh more inclusive tradition. God wasn't afraid to do that, and nor should we be, in our religious traditions and in our civil laws.

A Story of Redemption

Last night, Tuesday 2/18, I officiated Ellen and Bill's wedding at their home in Flower Mound, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

When I sat down to write about Ellen and Bill, I was reminded of the story of Amram and Yocheved, Moses' parents.

Most people are familiar with the Biblical account of the birth of Moses. Pharaoh commands that all Hebrew male babies be thrown into the Nile. Moses is born, and hidden for three months. Then his mother puts him in a floating cradle on the Nile, as his sister, Miriam watches over him from afar. Then the daughter of the very Pharaoh, who wants him and his like dead, raises him as her own. He grows up to be the redeemer of Israel.

Now, the rabbis of old, as they are apt to do, embellish the story. They tell us that due to Pharaoh's command, Amram divorced Yocheved, because he did not want to have children, only to have them killed by Pharaoh. When Miriam saw this she confronted her father, and told him that he was worse than Pharaoh, since Pharaoh had commanded all baby boys be eliminated, and Amram was ensuring there would be no baby boys or baby girls born. Amram listened to Miriam, remarried Yocheved, and only due to that act, they had Moses.

Now when they had Moses, since he was a boy, Amram was none too pleased with Miriam, and told her just that. That is why she follows Moses through the bulrushes to see what will be the rest of the story. Once again, the rest of the story is one of redemption.

The lessons of this story and of Ellen and Bill's love story are similar and multifold. Both stories show us that learning can come from the most unexpected places, and so you need to be open to learning from everyone. Both stories tell us that it is totally human to lose faith. However, they also tell us that we can overcome and continue to believe in the capacity for change. And both stories tell us that for learning to be meaningful, for change to be real, we need to act just like Amram and his daughter, Miriam; we need to hold each other accountable.

If you have all of those ingredients, your love story can be one of great redemption. That is the story of Amram and Yocheved, Miriam and Moses. That is the story of Ellen and Bill and their incredible journey. Their collective message is clear. Always be open to learn, believe in the capacity for change, and hold each other accountable. Let us all heed their message.