Take Your Relationships Seriously, But Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

Friday evening, October 28th, I officiated Jamie and Zach’s wedding at Chandler's Garden, in Celina, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

When I was thinking about these remarks, I remembered a brilliant story about two historical giants, Golda Meir and Moshe Dayan. Both of these figures were central to the story of the modern State of Israel, both were members of the same labor movement, both were brash and swashbuckling revolutionaries, one ending up as prime minister, one as army chief of staff, defense minister, and foreign minister.

The thing is that though Dayan had been a war hero from World War I onwards, Golda seems to have always had his number. In the early days of the Yom Kippur War, Dayan famously lost his nerve, predicting that Israel would not survive the conflict, while Golda, amidst arming planes with nuclear weapons and readying them for attack, remained as calm and collected as ever.

At one point during their work together, Golda, who had an acid tongue, was exasperated with Dayan’s never-ending antics. She took a drag on her cigarette, turned to him, and in her heavily American accented Hebrew wryly remarked, “Don’t act so humble, you’re not that great.”

Golda, who likely had one true love and belonged to one political party her whole life, was trying to teach Dayan, the famously philandering thrice divorced cad, whose political allegiances changed with the proverbial wind, a lesson he would never learn, but one that we should heed, in all areas of life, but most importantly in love and marriage: Take your relationships seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously. 

This is a quality that I see in both Jamie and Zach. They get this, which bodes well for their marriage. You see this in how Zach answers the double question I ask every person I marry, why do you want to get married and why now? 

“We have been dating for 5+ years, have lived together for multiple years, and now own a house together. We have seen each other in many positive and negative lights, from taking cross country road trips together, driving up tall mountains, learning to live with each other’s habits around the house, and taking care a dog together. We, basically, see ourselves as already married, and see the ceremony as basically a formality. As far as why now, the time just seems right.”

You see this in how Jamie answers and elaborates upon another question I ask every person I marry, how did you meet? “I was slower to warm up and a little more shy. The first time we met in person was at The Gingerman which is a local bar, and I had a LOT of questions for Zach when we first met in person. Zach answered every question correctly and cared a lot about how I feel and my perspectives. Zach and I have been together for 5 years and I love the life we have created. We also have a fur-child named Toby and I have loved seeing the love Zach has for Toby and the way he takes care of him. Toby usually sleeps in his own bed, but when I am out of town Toby sleeps in the bed!! Zach is also adamant that Toby should have 3 meals a day instead of 2 because he lives for food.”

More importantly, you see this not only in their words but in their actions, indeed in how Jamie and Zach are celebrating this very wedding, under a tree in Celina, Texas, with the smell of pizza wafting through the air. They will never forget today, but they know what really counts, all the days after today, their marriage, their love story, their relationship.