Their Love Radiates

Yesterday, Saturday 4/26, I co-officiated Sabrina and Gary’s wedding with Father Alfonse Nazzaro, of All Saints Dallas, at SMU’s Perkins Chapel in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Have you ever seen an older couple, who have been together forever, and who you can see are just so in love, that their love radiates outward. There is really nothing like it, so much so, that if it were not rude or weird, I would go up to them, and ask them what their secret was. When I see a young couple, I wonder and I hope that they one day will be that older couple. So, how do you get there? I strongly suspect that Sabrina and Gary are one of those couples. I think that if we listen to them, we might discover the secret.

Sabrina describes their first meeting, in that most romantic of settings, waiting in line at the college bookstore, "After gathering all my books I stood in line behind this guy and we started to chat. We had so much in common and there was an instant connection, something I’ve never felt with anyone else. Right then and there I knew there would be a relationship between us.  When he was done checking out I yelled for him to wait because I didn’t want this amazing guy to slip away. That was the beginning of our wonderful and long relationship!"

So that was it. The magic of love at first sight, and they lived happily ever after. No, not really. Definitely, the magic of the beginning of a relationship is key. But you can't build a lasting relationship on this alone. As Gary describes, "Sabrina and I met when we were just kids, at the age of 19 and 20. We had much to learn and lots of room to grow as adults. As the years passed, we became closer and closer, loving one another more and more. We faced many challenges along the way..."

As Gary indicates, a real relationship is one where the couple realizes that it will always be a work in progress. A real relationship is one that evolves with the couple. A real relationship is one where you grow together, learn together, overcome challenges together. As Sabrina tells us, "I think what made our relationship so strong and last so long is that we never rushed into anything. We took our time emotionally to fully learn and understand one another. From the beginning we wanted this relationship to work."

How smart, how meticulous, how wonderful. Sabrina and Gary, you've got it! You have figured out the secret. May you continue to live the dream together one day at a time.

Did You Hope for Redemption?

Last night, Friday 4/11, I officiated Lisa and Scott's wedding at Occasions at Stone Ranch in Royse City, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Jews love questions. We even answer questions with questions. Why do we answer questions with questions? Well, why not?

So not surprisingly, Jewish tradition holds that at the Pearly Gates the Jewish equivalent of St. Peter asks you a few questions. One of these questions reminded me of Lisa and Scott. It is short and sweet. Here it is (drum roll), "Did you hope for redemption?"

Huh? What does that even mean?

Well, that is where Lisa and Scott come in. You see, in their actions, in the way they have and do live their lives as individuals and as a couple, Lisa and Scott clarify this question, and answer it too.

First, they clarify what hoping means. You see, one might think that hoping for redemption means you sit back, hope and God, nature, the universe, take your pick, brings about redemption. Not so, say Lisa and Scott. Hoping for redemption means working hard, and actively, constantly pursuing it.

Second, Lisa and Scott tell us that redemption comes only if we pursue collective AND personal redemption. One or the other is not enough. If you experience personal redemption, but everything and everyone around you is not redeemed, your own personal redemption will not last. Conversely, if you are so busy redeeming everyone and everything, but you have not redeemed yourself, not for long will you actually be able to continue redeeming others.

Finally, in the way Lisa and Scott live their lives, they clarify what true redemption means. Redemption does not mean the past is erased, it does not mean we become perfect, it does not mean we vanquish our challenges once and for all. Redemption means that we embrace our past, our present and our future. Redemption means we treasure and cherish the lessons we have learned working through our imperfections. Redemption means we continue to work on improving ourselves and the world around us each and every day.

So there you have it. If you heed Lisa and Scott's lessons, if that is how you live your life, than you too can state everyday with confidence, "I hoped, I hope, I will continue to hope for redemption."

Enhance Meaning, Happiness, and Growth

Last night, Thursday 4/10, I officiated Stephanie and Amy's wedding at their beautiful home in Dallas, Texas. Stephanie being an artist, the home is full of cool artwork. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

It is not often that the first thing I touch on in remarks like these is what the couple does for a living. I feel, though, that it is appropriate here, because Stephanie and Amy do such interesting work, and their work for both of them is not just an occupation, but a calling and a vocation. Each of them, and if you know Stephanie and Amy you know this is true, spend their working hours helping people find meaning, happiness, and growth. That is, after all, what art and psychology are all about. How each of them does this is different, because their personalities are different, but that is what they do. I ask you, is there anything more noble than working to enhance others' meaning, happiness, and growth?

Indeed, I ask each couple, why they want to get married and why now, and the answers, though varied, never seem to stray from the idea of togetherness and marriage serving to enhance meaning, happiness, and growth in the life of the couple.

Now, interestingly, most couples I marry have never been asked by anyone before me why they want to get married and why now. Having to answer that question to themselves more than anyone else is, therefore, a productive exercise. Couples like Stephanie and Amy, however, are still constantly asked in our society, why they want to get married and why now. Well, stop the presses, guess what their answer is? They believe that togetherness and marriage will enhance meaning, happiness, and growth in their life as a couple. It's really just that simple.

So, our wish for them is quite simple too. Stephanie and Amy, may you continue to bless us with enhanced meaning, happiness and growth in our lives. And, may you as a couple continue to be blessed with enhanced meaning, happiness and growth in your lives for many many years to come.

Just What the Doctor Ordered

Last night, Saturday 4/5, I officiated Laura and Ryan's wedding at the Biltmore in Coral Gables, Florida. Here are the personal remarks I shared with these two young physicians and their guests:

I always ask couples how they met. None of us can control how we meet our soul mates, so admittedly some couples' stories of how they met are more interesting or exciting than others. Once in a while, though, you come across a description that stops in your tracks with its beauty, and tells you a lot about the depth of love someone feels for the person that he or she plans to build a life with.

"All of a sudden there is a burst of wind and light shining down on Laura as she walks through the door. It was love at first sight. Once we started talking, we connected immediately. We had great chemistry and became great friends... I was completely infatuated with her; everyone knew this but her... Once we started dating...  it’s (was) a dream come true... She is not only my best friend but the most wonderful woman I have ever met. She will be a great mother to our children."

Dr. Chamorro, as you can clearly observe, the patient is clearly "suffering" from head over heels love for you!

Now, Laura tells us of a different encounter, that while it happened during that period that they were still friends, gave her a glimpse of a future much deeper connection:

"Before we were dating, Ryan and I were best friends; early on we figured (out) we had a very strong connection. I remember the first time I came over his house to work on our chemistry homework I noticed a large sheet of paper taped on his wall. It read 'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage for those I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.' When I saw this my mouth dropped. This is the teaching my Mom and Dad had taught me since I was young, one which comes to mind at least once a day, and I carry this prayer around with me daily on my keychain."

Wow. I believe that this fact tells us a lot. Both Laura and Ryan grew up in families where service was important, where making a difference mattered a lot more than making a buck. That is clear. However, it is that praiseworthy approach, that can get you in trouble, if you don't have, "the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage for those I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Laura and Ryan are far ahead of the pack in that they keep this in mind.

It is that approach that makes them not only great at their vocations, but even better at the labor of love. That is why Ryan says, "I found my soul mate in Laura and she is the most intelligent, kind, and funny person I know and (I) can’t wait for us to grow old together." That is why Laura says, "Ryan and I already feel like family. I think now is a good time to make it official."

Now, I don't know about you, folks, but I tend to listen to a doctor's instructions, so not one more word, let's make it official!

Don't Be Afraid to Add Some Spice

      

Yesterday, Saturday 3/29, I co-officiated Marisol and Jonathan's wedding in Acapulco, Mexico with Padré Jesús Quirce Andrés, L.C., Rector of the Universidad Anahuac. We officiated the entire ceremony in Spanish. My personal remarks in Spanish follow, along with a translation to Englsih below them:   

Lo que me gusta de Marisol y Jonathan es que son personas profundas e inteligentes que viven a través de ciertas sencillas pero profundas ideas pero tanto como individuos y como pareja . 

Ellos saben que en este mundo material en el que vivimos, las cosas son importantes, pero las experiencias importan mucho más. Por lo tanto hay que saborearlas.

Ellos entienden que las identidades religiosas y culturales son importantes, pero el enfoque de la religión ha de dirigirse en ser una buena persona. Por lo tanto , debemos canalizar nuestros sentimientos religiosos en hacer del mundo un lugar major. 

Se dan cuenta de que lo que los mexicanos nos han enseñado a los estadounidenses, que las buenas relaciones como la buena comida son mejores picante que insípida. Por lo tanto, ellos no temen por las diferencias. Ellos las aprovechan para mejorar su amor.

Así que ahí los tienen, saborear sus experiencias, hace del mundo un lugar mejor y logra que no le temamos a un poco de picante en la vida. No es una mala receta para una vida feliz juntos.

What I like about Marisol and Jonathan is that they are deep and smart people who live by a few simple yet profound ideas as individuals and as a couple.

They know that in this very material world we live in, things do matter, but experiences matter much more. Therefore we must savor them.

They understand that religious and cultural identities matter, but religion's focus must be on being a good person. Therefore, we must channel our religious feelings into making the world a better place.

They realize that what you Mexicans have taught us Americans, that good relationships like good food are better spicy rather than bland. Therefore, they don't shy away from their differences. They harness them to enhance their love.

So there you have it, savor your experiences, make the world a better place and add don't be afraid of some spice. Not a bad recipe for a happy life together.

A Love That is Deep and Profound

Yesterday afternoon, Saturday 3/22, Reverend Nicole Bates and I co-officiated Emmaline and Elliott's wedding at the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth, Texas.

In the Jewish wedding liturgy we make references to Adam and Eve. Implied through these references is the hope that the couple's love for each other should be so strong, that it is as if to her he is the only man in the world and to him she is the only woman in the world.

When you listen to the words that Emmaline and Elliott say about each other, you understand that that is the emotional space they are in. Talk about a good old fashioned love story. Feel free to close your eyes, and really listen, as in their own words they describe their love so vividly.

Elliott wrote this as a text four months into their relationship, and he still has this on his phone, "Your love gives me strength I never knew I had. Confidence I never thought I’d feel. And joy I never knew existed. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to try new things. You make life so wonderful. My reason for living was to find you, and I thank God for it every single day."

Emmaline describes her Elliott and their love thus, "He is my everything. We truly are one together and I know we will be by each other’s side through anything and everything. He completes my soul and has made me the person that I am today... We have tackled any obstacle that has come our way and I love the hope and confidence that gives me for our future together. At the risk of sounding cliché, my love for him is deeper than I can even put into words."

Wow. Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that what this is all about? This is the type of love so deep, so profound, that it is contagious and inspiring. Emmaline and Elliott, thank you so much for that.

A Good Old Fashioned Love Story

On Friday 2/21, I officiated Leonora and Justin's wedding at Caswell House in Austin, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

When I reflect on Leonora and Justin's relationship, it seems like a good old fashioned love story. Forget the fact that the groom was born in Verona – you can't make that up, or the fact that they met in a club that had Sharks underneath the floor (no Jets were sighted, but who knows...) Just listen to Justin's description of the evening of their first date, "It didn’t start as a date, but it quickly became one. We had so much fun together that night: we had a wonderful dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, we went to several bars downtown and finally, we scaled a fence and broke into Barton Springs. It was so much fun, and a night I’ll never forget." (Bet you didn't think this would detour from love story into the petty crime genre, did you?)

Now listen to how they describe their love for each other. This is really cool. Justin says, "She lets me be me... She makes me happy. She makes me laugh (and laughs at MY jokes). She makes me want to be a better person... I love everything about her, and I’ve never met anyone like her."

Now Justin may be the trained writer, but Leonora bests him with her description, "Justin is the love of my life... I have never laughed so much in my life. Every day I feel like I love him more than the last... With him everything makes sense and love is all that matters."

So, when I further reflected on the love this couple's shares, I couldn't help but think of the final two stanzas in Sonnet 17 of Pablo Neruda's Cien Sonetos de Amor. I really think they embody just this:

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde, te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo: así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera, sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres, tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía, tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. Than this: where I do not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.