Continue on This Journey

Saturday evening (4/9), Reverend Carol Montgomery and I co-officiated Laura and Brett’s wedding ceremony at the Dallas Arboretum, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Listen to Brett’s description of how he met Laura: “How crazy it is to reflect on the start of my relationship with Laura. I do remember the exact day that we met, and in fairly good detail… My friend, Ross, invited me to a white party hosted by the Dallas Chabad… I asked Ross what this was, only to find out that it was a JEWISH SINGLES PARTY! Who knew these parties even existed… Once we arrived… this girl with beautiful red hair came up to talk to me. 

The one thing that stood out was that she kept telling me all of these things about Judaism; it was crazy how much she knew, because I’m pretty sure she was the only non-Jewish girl at the entire party. That’s right – I went to a Jewish singles party and ended up linking up with a Christian girl. I should probably start playing the lottery.”

Laura says that at that party, “He asked for my number, and we started dating right after we met.” Pretty soon, she says, she was hooked, “As we got to know each other more and more I fell in love. I knew he was the one… I knew this was the man I wanted to marry.” 

Brett was smitten: “I thought she was so perfect. I couldn’t believe a girl this great could still be single… When you’re lucky enough to stumble upon the person who you think is perfect, who you think you could spend the rest of your life with, then that is why and… when you should marry.” And Brett emphasizes: “A big part of life is luck, luck that I moved to Texas, luck that I decided to attend the white party, luck that Laura agreed to go out with me.”

What a profound idea. One can go through life thinking that it has mathematical precision. If I do A, B will happen. One might say that in America in particular, all evidence to the contrary, we like to tell ourselves that this is so. We even like to believe that if I do A, I deserve for B to happen. This is a fast road to ruin, particularly in interpersonal relationships and most importantly, perhaps, in the deepest of all personal relationships, marriage.

A much better approach is to understand that much in life is down to luck. Sure, work hard, play by the rules, be kind, and follow the path of righteousness in all matters. Just don’t think the results will always be positive and automatic and be OK with that.

This approach will make you not only more psychologically healthy, but more understanding of others. It will make you many more times appreciative of your good fortune, and much less prone to despair in times of bad fortune. 

It will make you certainly more appreciative of what Laura sees in her future with Brett, “A life of adventure, support, integrity, accountability, patience, kindness, honesty and most importantly love.”  It will help you feel about your spouse what Brett feels about Laura: “Laura definitely makes my life feel complete, and I can’t wait to continue on this journey with her.”