Jessica and Joel’s wedding ceremony was very intimate. It was just them, Joel’s brother and his sister in law. It was magical! Indeed, magic is what I talked about at their ceremony:
Jessica and Joel, you share a magic that one does not see often enough. You both describe the moment you met, where you shared something that in the cognitive realm cannot be easily explained. There was a meeting of the minds. There was something in the air, that cannot be easily explained.
Though deep love at first sight may be an invention of Hollywood – after all, to love is to know, and one needs to get to know someone to truly love them – we should never discount the magic of the moment. You had that moment, and where others might just discount it, and move on, you did not let that moment become forgotten, either of you.
You continued to develop your connection, what was at first just a business relationship and a mutual appreciation. Then you took the plunge, and followed your hearts to embrace where the magic of that first moment would take you. Happily, it took you here to stand before us today.
So, from you Jessica and Joel, we learn the importance of believing in that magic in this human existence. You show us to not just in believe in it, but to follow it to where it may and can take us. Continue to travel that path, follow your hearts, live magically, and may your love continue to grow, as you follow your dreams.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Self Reflection is Key
Mesina and Mark are one cool couple. They are each tremendously successful and really smart. See them together, and you can see how love is in the air. Here is what I shared with them at their wedding about a week ago:
I remember years ago in a class given by one of my best rabbis and teachers, a truck started backing up in the parking lot behind our classroom. It made that chiming noise to warn anyone standing behind it. The rabbi stopped mid-sentence, and said, “Wow, if only we had that function as human beings – that when we started sliding backwards a chime would ring – our lives would be so much easier!” When driving myself, I often think in similar terms about my GPS. If only we had something automatically chime in to tell us when we have strayed from our way, and might just want to start “recalculating”. In human terms this is, of course, what we call, “self reflection”.
In Mesina and Mark you see this very essential quality that though obvious, many people do not practice enough – a highly refined ability to self reflect. This is something that really stands out in both of them. This is how they have lived their lives, dealt with challenges, and found impressive success. They have practiced self reflection in regards to their spirituality, their professional lives and their personal lives. This act in each of these areas has made them better in what they do, with highly developed capacities in their professional lives. More importantly, in my opinion, it has made them better persons, more compassionate individuals than the average person, and better friends to each other and to others.
We, therefore, owe Mesina and Mark a debt of gratitude. Thank you for reminding all of us, in the midst of the Jewish days of judgment to constantly practice self reflection, to regularly take stock of who we are and where we are going, and through that to be better people.
I remember years ago in a class given by one of my best rabbis and teachers, a truck started backing up in the parking lot behind our classroom. It made that chiming noise to warn anyone standing behind it. The rabbi stopped mid-sentence, and said, “Wow, if only we had that function as human beings – that when we started sliding backwards a chime would ring – our lives would be so much easier!” When driving myself, I often think in similar terms about my GPS. If only we had something automatically chime in to tell us when we have strayed from our way, and might just want to start “recalculating”. In human terms this is, of course, what we call, “self reflection”.
In Mesina and Mark you see this very essential quality that though obvious, many people do not practice enough – a highly refined ability to self reflect. This is something that really stands out in both of them. This is how they have lived their lives, dealt with challenges, and found impressive success. They have practiced self reflection in regards to their spirituality, their professional lives and their personal lives. This act in each of these areas has made them better in what they do, with highly developed capacities in their professional lives. More importantly, in my opinion, it has made them better persons, more compassionate individuals than the average person, and better friends to each other and to others.
We, therefore, owe Mesina and Mark a debt of gratitude. Thank you for reminding all of us, in the midst of the Jewish days of judgment to constantly practice self reflection, to regularly take stock of who we are and where we are going, and through that to be better people.
Learning from Each Other and Growing Together
Graduation ceremonies are often called commencements to symbolize that they herald a beginning, and that learning is something that must continue. Gila and Alan, who I married this last weekend, know how true this is regarding their relationship too. Here are he words I shared with them:
Gila and Alan inspire me in what they have created together. They are humble, honest and hardworking individuals, each in their own right. Had you met each of them before they knew each other, like many of you did, you would be able to say, without a doubt, “Now that is someone I can count on; that is someone who can get the job done.” In fact, that is how they met, at the workplace, with Alan, whose job it is to help us mere mortals navigate the mysteries of technology, helping Gila out with a problem she was dealing with.
What inspires me about this couple is that each will tell you how much they have grown through their relationship, how much each of them has learned from the other, how they each have allowed their relationship to make them better than they were before. Interact with them with for just a short while, and you will see that these are not just words. You can see this with your own eyes. In our individualistic culture, this is no small feat. Such obviously sensible behavior, coming from the recognition that we always have more to learn, can sometimes seem counterintuitive. This is why the way Gila and Alan built their relationship and continue to allow themselves to grow in it is even more admirable, as it necessitates a degree of swimming against the tide.
Gila and Alan, what we wish for you is that you continue to grow together, that you continue to learn from each other. Through such ongoing and careful development, your bond will not only be unbreakable, but grow stronger with each and every passing day.
Gila and Alan inspire me in what they have created together. They are humble, honest and hardworking individuals, each in their own right. Had you met each of them before they knew each other, like many of you did, you would be able to say, without a doubt, “Now that is someone I can count on; that is someone who can get the job done.” In fact, that is how they met, at the workplace, with Alan, whose job it is to help us mere mortals navigate the mysteries of technology, helping Gila out with a problem she was dealing with.
What inspires me about this couple is that each will tell you how much they have grown through their relationship, how much each of them has learned from the other, how they each have allowed their relationship to make them better than they were before. Interact with them with for just a short while, and you will see that these are not just words. You can see this with your own eyes. In our individualistic culture, this is no small feat. Such obviously sensible behavior, coming from the recognition that we always have more to learn, can sometimes seem counterintuitive. This is why the way Gila and Alan built their relationship and continue to allow themselves to grow in it is even more admirable, as it necessitates a degree of swimming against the tide.
Gila and Alan, what we wish for you is that you continue to grow together, that you continue to learn from each other. Through such ongoing and careful development, your bond will not only be unbreakable, but grow stronger with each and every passing day.
Monday, September 19, 2011
She Takes Him Out of His Comfort Zone…
This last Saturday I co-officiated Brooke and Casey’s wedding in Durango, Colorado, with Pastor Dave Robinson, who I am proud now to count as a good friend. This is a very impressive couple. Brooke is a successful attorney, and Casey is a graduate of the Air Force Academy, who served our country for five years in the military. (Many at the wedding had attended military colleges, including the best man, who delivered his speech via recorded video address from Kirgizstan!) Pastor Dave is an old friend of the family, and an impressive humanitarian, who travels the world helping those in need. Here are the personal words I shared with Brooke and Casey and their guests:
Someone once asked me, "Rabbi, why do you frequently, answer a question with a question?" I thought about it for a moment, and I said, "Well, why not?"
Seriously, though, people often think that religions exist to answer their questions. Some even think that their religion gives them all the answers. They forget that the words attributed to the founders of most of today's religions show that they, challenging the status quo, had way more questions than answers. It was the only way they thought people could grow – if they constantly questioned themselves.
This is an attribute that Brooke and Casey share, and can teach us all. Brooke openly talks about her spiritual journey that is replete with questioning. She talks about how through a journey of questioning and exploration she and Casey have mutually grown together. Casey, in turn, gives Brooke the greatest compliment a man (we are a little more set in our ways than women are) can give to a mate, "She takes me out of my comfort zone... She makes me a better partner." He too discusses how they have learned so much from each other.
Brooke and Casey, we hope that you continue down this very path. Some might tell you that the most important words in marriage are, "Yes, dear." I actually think that the sentence needs to be more cerebral and a little longer. (I am a clergyman, after all...) It should be, "That's a great question! Why don't we try it that way?" Keep doing that, and your bond will be unbreakable.
Someone once asked me, "Rabbi, why do you frequently, answer a question with a question?" I thought about it for a moment, and I said, "Well, why not?"
Seriously, though, people often think that religions exist to answer their questions. Some even think that their religion gives them all the answers. They forget that the words attributed to the founders of most of today's religions show that they, challenging the status quo, had way more questions than answers. It was the only way they thought people could grow – if they constantly questioned themselves.
This is an attribute that Brooke and Casey share, and can teach us all. Brooke openly talks about her spiritual journey that is replete with questioning. She talks about how through a journey of questioning and exploration she and Casey have mutually grown together. Casey, in turn, gives Brooke the greatest compliment a man (we are a little more set in our ways than women are) can give to a mate, "She takes me out of my comfort zone... She makes me a better partner." He too discusses how they have learned so much from each other.
Brooke and Casey, we hope that you continue down this very path. Some might tell you that the most important words in marriage are, "Yes, dear." I actually think that the sentence needs to be more cerebral and a little longer. (I am a clergyman, after all...) It should be, "That's a great question! Why don't we try it that way?" Keep doing that, and your bond will be unbreakable.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Beyond an Operator’s Manual
This last Wednesday I officiated Nad and Alex’s wedding in Koh Samui, Thailand. Here are the personal words I shared with them and their guests:
Often when one conjures the (sometimes scary) idea of a member of the clergy trying to speak words of wisdom, one expects something along the lines of the following: “The Torah/Bible/Koran/Veda says we must do X, and it being a divine ‘operators’ manual’ for how we should live our lives, must be obeyed.”
Now, frankly, I find this rather tiring. First, with so many different and contradictory “manuals”, how are we to discern what could be the right one to use? However, second, and much more fundamentally, how many of us actually find any actual operators’ manuals in real life the least bit helpful? True learning is not done through a manual. It is done through trial and error, through observation and discovery. If this is true regarding an iPad or a cell phone, how much more so regarding something as complicated as life itself.
This is why it was so refreshing to me to read the words Nad wrote me regarding her philosophy of life, “I don't believe one should live life according to how someone else says life should look like.” How simple, yet how profound! It is clear that Nad and Alex have both lived their lives in this fashion. These are good, kind, solid, and responsible individuals, who are fun to be with, and who truly enjoy life. How did they become such individuals? It was not from reading an ancient book from 3000 years ago. Rather, it was from experiencing the world, living in different cultures, speaking different languages, interacting with other people, and observing the world.
So, Nad and Alex, thank you. Thank you for exemplifying one of the best ways to live life fully, and reach true happiness. We hope and pray that the happiness you have found together, through living life to the fullest, in just this fashion, will continue to be the path you tread for the rest of your life together.
Often when one conjures the (sometimes scary) idea of a member of the clergy trying to speak words of wisdom, one expects something along the lines of the following: “The Torah/Bible/Koran/Veda says we must do X, and it being a divine ‘operators’ manual’ for how we should live our lives, must be obeyed.”
Now, frankly, I find this rather tiring. First, with so many different and contradictory “manuals”, how are we to discern what could be the right one to use? However, second, and much more fundamentally, how many of us actually find any actual operators’ manuals in real life the least bit helpful? True learning is not done through a manual. It is done through trial and error, through observation and discovery. If this is true regarding an iPad or a cell phone, how much more so regarding something as complicated as life itself.
This is why it was so refreshing to me to read the words Nad wrote me regarding her philosophy of life, “I don't believe one should live life according to how someone else says life should look like.” How simple, yet how profound! It is clear that Nad and Alex have both lived their lives in this fashion. These are good, kind, solid, and responsible individuals, who are fun to be with, and who truly enjoy life. How did they become such individuals? It was not from reading an ancient book from 3000 years ago. Rather, it was from experiencing the world, living in different cultures, speaking different languages, interacting with other people, and observing the world.
So, Nad and Alex, thank you. Thank you for exemplifying one of the best ways to live life fully, and reach true happiness. We hope and pray that the happiness you have found together, through living life to the fullest, in just this fashion, will continue to be the path you tread for the rest of your life together.
Following Aaron’s Example
This last Saturday I officiated Wadia and Jared’s wedding in Merida, Mexico. Here are the personal words I shared with them and their guests:
One of the most interesting characters in Jewish lore is Aaron, the brother of Moses. We are told that Aaron loved people, and through this brought them closer to the Torah. Now, what exactly does this mean? How do you through love bring someone closer to the Torah, which really means closer to being a good moral person, in general?
Legend has it that whenever Aaron would bump into someone, regardless of if he knew the person or not, regardless of whom that person was, he would greet the person warmly and very kindly. There were no airs about him. He did not pull rank or act like a celebrity. The result, we are told, is that due to his loving and caring attitude people did not want to disappoint him. Therefore, they would make much better moral choices in their lives, do more positive things, and stay away from what was not proper.
Now, we can ooh and aah about Aaron’s greatness, but I think that there is a much more important lesson here. Feeling loved helps us develop in ways we could not otherwise, and it has the power of making each of us a better person. We each can better ourselves through the knowledge that someone who truly loves us would want us to do the right thing.
I have never heard this better described than the way Wadia does. She describes Jared with these words, “the voice of my conscience”. That is so simple, yet so profound! Jared too reflects this mutual aspect of their relationship, when he says that, “Wadia keeps me both in line, and on my toes.” (BTW, the very first time I spoke to Wadia I picked up on the “on his toes” part…)
Wadia and Jared, thank you for reminding us of this important lesson. May you continue to grow together, to develop together, and to serve as an example for us all for how a true love and being loved can bring us just a little closer to perfection.
One of the most interesting characters in Jewish lore is Aaron, the brother of Moses. We are told that Aaron loved people, and through this brought them closer to the Torah. Now, what exactly does this mean? How do you through love bring someone closer to the Torah, which really means closer to being a good moral person, in general?
Legend has it that whenever Aaron would bump into someone, regardless of if he knew the person or not, regardless of whom that person was, he would greet the person warmly and very kindly. There were no airs about him. He did not pull rank or act like a celebrity. The result, we are told, is that due to his loving and caring attitude people did not want to disappoint him. Therefore, they would make much better moral choices in their lives, do more positive things, and stay away from what was not proper.
Now, we can ooh and aah about Aaron’s greatness, but I think that there is a much more important lesson here. Feeling loved helps us develop in ways we could not otherwise, and it has the power of making each of us a better person. We each can better ourselves through the knowledge that someone who truly loves us would want us to do the right thing.
I have never heard this better described than the way Wadia does. She describes Jared with these words, “the voice of my conscience”. That is so simple, yet so profound! Jared too reflects this mutual aspect of their relationship, when he says that, “Wadia keeps me both in line, and on my toes.” (BTW, the very first time I spoke to Wadia I picked up on the “on his toes” part…)
Wadia and Jared, thank you for reminding us of this important lesson. May you continue to grow together, to develop together, and to serve as an example for us all for how a true love and being loved can bring us just a little closer to perfection.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Where to Find Real Treasure
One of the most intriguing mystical teachers of 18th Century Judaism was Rabbi Nachman of Breslau. He, like many mystics before and after him wrote fascinating parables. One of his most well-known goes as follows. A Jew in a small village had a recurring dream that there was a treasure buried under the bridge in front of the royal palace in Vienna. At first he tried to ignore it, but finally he could no more. He packed a bag and a shovel, and made the journey to the capital. Of course, digging right in front of the palace proved to be a challenge, to put it lightly. All he really could do was survey the area day after day, till he aroused the suspicion of one of the guards, who asked him what on earth he was doing. The man told the guard the whole story, upon which the guard had a very unexpected response. He snorted and told the man that he too had a recurring dream that under the stove in the home of a Jew in a far away village was buried a treasure. Did that mean he would make the journey all the way to that village and try to dig it up, all because of a dream? With that he shooed the man away, who with a smile on his face did not seem to mind, since the home the guard had described was his! He went home, dug up the treasure, and lived happily ever after.
The lesson of the parable is simple yet profound, and is one Sarah and Matt are teaching us too. Many of us seek our treasure away from home; this is only natural. It is also true that we often find that the treasure we seek is not out there, but in the very place we came from and the relationships we formed there. Sarah and Matt embody this truth. These are two individuals who enjoy very close relationships with their family and friends. They know that their treasure is found in all of you who are here today, so much so that they chose to celebrate the most important day of their lives in the very home where Sarah grew up.
So, Sarah and Matt, thank you. Thank you for reminding us of this important truth. May you continue to treasure each other and your families, and through this find genuine happiness.
The lesson of the parable is simple yet profound, and is one Sarah and Matt are teaching us too. Many of us seek our treasure away from home; this is only natural. It is also true that we often find that the treasure we seek is not out there, but in the very place we came from and the relationships we formed there. Sarah and Matt embody this truth. These are two individuals who enjoy very close relationships with their family and friends. They know that their treasure is found in all of you who are here today, so much so that they chose to celebrate the most important day of their lives in the very home where Sarah grew up.
So, Sarah and Matt, thank you. Thank you for reminding us of this important truth. May you continue to treasure each other and your families, and through this find genuine happiness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)