Lauren and Martin - Lovers, Best Friends and Creative Partners

The second wedding I officiated this last Saturday was the wedding of Lauren and Martin. These are two of the most creative people I have ever met. Lauren is a filmmaker and Martin is a writer. They have had to live in two different states for the last few months due to Lauren’s acceptance into a prestigious filming program, while Martin finishes up his exclusive MFA program, hundreds of miles away. On a personal note, when I was thinking about not only their love, but also their creative partnership, I was reminded of my parents’ creative partnership. I can actually tell which parts of the introduction to my dad’s magnum opus were written before my mom’s death, and which after, because that partnership was so pronounced. Likewise, Liat’s touch can be seen in my writing too. So, what I saw in Lauren and Martin was something warmly familiar. Here is what I shared with them and their guests:

What struck me about Lauren and Martin is that these are two people, who in their lives as individuals and as a couple, were not afraid to take that road less traveled. They have repeatedly shown that if you take the time to figure out what you really want to do, and then you relentlessly pursue that passion, you can live a dream that is truly your own. When you live your life like this, when you follow your dreams, it takes the edge off of difficulties, and it makes each success sweeter. Not only that, it makes it clear that true meaning, that true happiness can be found when your dream is not only wrapped in the destination you seek, but in the journey you travel.

Now, many couples share love and happiness, while their professional lives may not be an integral part of their shared journey. And that is OK. There is nothing wrong with that. Lauren and Martin, however, have a different and additional dimension to their relationship, one that makes it run deeper, one that causes their lives to be more deeply intertwined, even when a few hundred miles separate them like in the last few months. Their journey is one of mutually influenced creativity. Lauren’s filmmaking is better because Martin is in her life, and Martin’s writing is richer because Lauren is in his life. Many future spouses may describe their future mates as their lovers and best friends, as Lauren and Martin do, when speaking of each other. Lauren and Martin add something that only a few future spouses mention. They talk about how they serve for each other as muses, as inspirations, as creative supporters, nay, creative partners.

So, Lauren and Martin, thank you. Thank you for reminding showing us how deep a relationship can run. Thank you for setting a great example in your personal and professional lives. Now, look into each other’s eyes. As the years go by, take a moment here and there to do what you are doing right now, to look into each other’s eyes, and realize your fortune, that you have made your dreams a reality, that you have found and continue to have by your side, your best friend, your lover, your creative partner.

Natalya and Bret – Let’s Be Explicit Here

One of the great things about living in Texas, and I have personally lived on three continents, is that people are really really nice. Criticism is rarely heard, people tend to have a smile on their face, and cashiers still address you (or me) as “Hon(ey)”. Of course, the flip side of that is that understatement is king, even when it should not be. So, you will hear, “Oh, Jimmy (question mark, voice going up), his heart is in the right place,” which really means he is hard to get along with. Other times you will hear, “Oh, Mike (question mark, voice going up), he is a really hard worker,” which means he is not the greatest family man. You might even hear, “Oh, Susie, she comes from a great family,” which means that she, the apple, has unfortunately fallen a little far from the tree.

Now, you may be asking yourselves at this point, well, so what, and what does this have to do with what we can learn from Natalya and Bret. Well, I am glad you asked. You see, the downside of softened criticism is that when you have individuals who really have their hearts in the right place, who really treat their families and friends exquisitely well, and who really make their families and friends proud just to be associated with them, your praise of them might sound faint. You see, I believe anyone who interacts with Natalya and Bret, comes away thinking, “Wow, these are good people, these are two individuals who I can count on, these are people who show how a loving couple should behave to each other, this is a couple, who I can point to my kids as a positive example to my kids.”

Let us, therefore, not be shy. Let us point out to others, what a great, compassionate, humble and kind couple Natalya and Bret are. Let us learn to continue practicing what might be called Texas nice, but let us not forget that that means we need to be more explicit in our praise, if we and our families are to look up to positive examples of behavior like the loving couple we celebrate with today.

Self Reflection is Key

Mesina and Mark are one cool couple. They are each tremendously successful and really smart. See them together, and you can see how love is in the air. Here is what I shared with them at their wedding about a week ago:

I remember years ago in a class given by one of my best rabbis and teachers, a truck started backing up in the parking lot behind our classroom. It made that chiming noise to warn anyone standing behind it. The rabbi stopped mid-sentence, and said, “Wow, if only we had that function as human beings – that when we started sliding backwards a chime would ring – our lives would be so much easier!” When driving myself, I often think in similar terms about my GPS. If only we had something automatically chime in to tell us when we have strayed from our way, and might just want to start “recalculating”. In human terms this is, of course, what we call, “self reflection”.

In Mesina and Mark you see this very essential quality that though obvious, many people do not practice enough – a highly refined ability to self reflect. This is something that really stands out in both of them. This is how they have lived their lives, dealt with challenges, and found impressive success. They have practiced self reflection in regards to their spirituality, their professional lives and their personal lives. This act in each of these areas has made them better in what they do, with highly developed capacities in their professional lives. More importantly, in my opinion, it has made them better persons, more compassionate individuals than the average person, and better friends to each other and to others.

We, therefore, owe Mesina and Mark a debt of gratitude. Thank you for reminding all of us, in the midst of the Jewish days of judgment to constantly practice self reflection, to regularly take stock of who we are and where we are going, and through that to be better people.