Great White Buffalo

Saturday evening, I officiated Morgan and Austin’s wedding ceremony at the Rosewood Mansion Hotel, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Austin’s telling of the pre-relationship phase of this couple’s story, involves an intriguing reference, “We met in tenth grade… but we never dated in high school… I… joked with my friends during high school and after that she was my ‘great white buffalo.’” This intriguing term according to Urban Dictionary means “’the one that got away’ or ‘first love’”. It comes from that cinematic masterpiece of 2010, the year Morgan and Austin met, “Hot Tub Time Machine”, where it is not explained, just whispered in repetition.

You could be forgiven for at this moment doing a double-take, and saying to yourself, “Did the rabbi just cite what film critic, Richard Propes, characterized as a ‘not for the faint of heart and definitely not for a family outing… film?’” Well, no, that was the groom. But, as Propes also points out the tale it tells is “surprisingly insightful”, and though I don’t know if Propes realizes this, the idea of the great white buffalo connects to a very Jewish concept.

In fact, the Ancient Rabbis imagine that before the formation of a fetus, a heavenly voice decrees who that eventual human will fall in love with and marry. It is up to us, as humans to then find that person we are divinely matched to.

Though Morgan does not use any references from films pining for lost youth of the eighties, she tells us that the feelings Austin had for her were mutual, “We always had a thing for each other.” Luckily, though their second chance also involved Austin returning to the city of his youth and going out with three buddies, no supernatural magic was necessary. The sparks that flew in June 2018 were real, not from a malfunctioning bathing apparatus.

These two have been inseparable ever since that night. What they have built together, what they do for each other, they describe in language bordering on the poetic. They truly understand that a true love story is much more than, well, love.

Listen to Austin: “I truly can’t imagine not having her in my life. She is someone who is a partner and a best friend not just a spouse, someone I look up to and respect. She challenges me and wants the best for me. I love that she loves her family, I love that she’s kind to other people, I love her humility and generosity...”

Listen to Morgan: “No person has ever made me feel more loved, appreciated and happy than Austin. He is my biggest fan, supporter, teacher, listener, and the time has never felt more right to get married. I couldn't imagine my life without Austin. He truly makes me a better person each and every day.”

No wonder Austin says, “I knew that she was the only one for me and I don’t want to wait any longer to start making memories.” No wonder Morgan says, “I am so excited for this next chapter in our relationship, and I know we have so much more fun ahead!”

Deep, Powerful, and Lasting

Saturday evening, Father Justin Daffron and I co-officiated Margaret and Jacob’s wedding ceremony at St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Margaret’s comment about the first time she interacted one on one with Jacob would be odd, if you did not know him or at least had not seen him. “He had the best smile and the best hair,” is not typically what you hear about a guy, but with Jacob, you must admit it is true. 

Their relationship hit a hilarious speed bump before it could actually start: “We parted ways and I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks. I was disappointed but figured he wasn’t interested. Turns out he got the wrong phone number and was texting a stranger, who repeatedly replied!” It’s not like that stranger had a choice either. I think the rule in that case is like in improv, “Yes, and…” You must keep the bit going for as long as you can. Don’t hate the player; hate the game!

Margaret talks about when she knew this guy was the one. It was when she realized that being with him altered her behavior, in a good way: “I think I realized that I wanted it to be with Jacob when I found myself calling him to tell him good news, bad news, or no news at all. We would talk on the phone on his way from Denton to Dallas until he was at my door. This was odd for me; I am not a big talker. Most of my friends are shocked when I answer the phone. He's my best friend.” 

What Margaret is saying is that Jacob makes her feel uniquely secure. Jacob echoes this: “She makes me feel secure and safe. When I’m losing my mind from stress and anxiety, she gives me strength and puts me at ease. I knew there was something special early on. We could just hang out and talk about real things and we could be goofballs, making silly voices and being obnoxious to her roommate. We have always had a connection and have been there for each other when we need support.”

Of course, being a rabbi and all, and considering his name, this made me think about how this echoes the first genuine biblical love story, the story of Rachel and Jacob. There too, the shy and timid Jacob, enthralled by the even shyer Rachel, finds his very behavior, even his physical strength, altered. And the Bible gives us one of the most beautiful descriptions of love’s affect on the psyche. It tells us that the seven years Jacob had to wait to marry Rachel, “seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.” So powerful is their love that in his old age, he still describes it to their son, not something we usually find in the biblical narrative. 

Margaret and Jacob, you chose well. We pray for you that you continue to give each other the sense of safety and security you found at the beginning of your love story, and that it be as deep, as powerful, and as lasting, as the love of Rachel and Jacob.

The Time We Have Together Now

Saturday night, Father Misael Castro Cacua and I co-officiated Hillary and Gabriel’s wedding ceremony at the Hotel Hacienda Vista Hermosa in Tequesquitengo, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The rabbi who mentored me in officiating interfaith weddings, Rabbi Lev Ba’esh, taught me to ask every person I marry to write an essay about themselves. And the essay needs to cover five different points, life history, spiritual history, how you met, why you want to get married, and why now. The last two questions are indeed separate questions that each need to be answered.

I have been running into an interesting phenomenon the last two years, though, with regards to the answer to the final question. I get a lot of answers that would best by summarized by two words possibly written over a gif with Tom Hanks sporting a bewildered expression, “Like, seriously?”

Gabo’s answer is basically along these lines, “We have been trying to have the ceremony for almost two years, however due to COVID we have had to postpone 2 times.”

Now, this may shock you, but Hillary’s answer is slightly longer. In fact, parenthetically, Hillary’s may be the longest essay I have ever received, going on 500+ weddings. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just sayin’.

Here is what she says, “There are a few answers that I could give to this: Because I waited three and a half years for him to propose (Ouch, Gabo!); because I waited a year and a half to have my already scheduled wedding; because getting married on the side of the highway in front of an OXXO is NOT a wedding (non-Latin Americans, an OXXO is like a 7-11, but with drinkable coffee); because our wedding should be more than a signature that allows me to get residency for a living and work permit; (finally) because my mother would probably murder me if we don’t.”

Now, humor aside, this is where Hillary gets really deep, and gives what may be the best answer I have gotten to the “why now” question in fourteen years.

“I think the real answer is somewhere between the reason fifteen of my friends got pregnant during COVID and the response I recommended my best friend give to her four-year-old son who was asking about death after Trouble, one of the chickens at his school, died. (RIP, Trouble.)

We are all going to die, so we need to get the most out of the time we have together now. We need to show the people we love that we love them. In this case, I need Gabo to know that if I die in 70 years or tomorrow, I would be happy knowing he was next to me as my chosen life partner for as long as possible. I can’t wait another minute to start our forever.”

Wow. As an existentialist, this answer blew me away. If there is any lesson worth learning from the last two years, it is this lesson, that Hillary and Gabo teach us today.

Seal This Bond of Love

Sunday evening, I officiated Madison and Garrett’s wedding ceremony at the Stonebriar Country Club, in Frisco, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Madison and Garrett’s story begins with something I hesitate to share with you. The first activity they engaged in was so passionate, so fiery, so intense for a first date, that it seems more appropriate for a bodice ripper than a religious ceremony. Their mutual attraction was so strong that according to Garrett this activity happened within fifteen minutes of meeting each other. 

I want to make sure I don’t get it wrong, so sensitive this topic is, that I will just quote Garrett: “Within fifteen minutes of meeting her, she showed me (pause for effect) a fantasy football player ranking that she had made in her journal from scratch and asked me what I thought about it.” 

Garrett continues, “This amazed me as this was something that I had never seen another girl be interested in. This mutual interest in fantasy football allowed us to have an initial spark that bonded us faster than I had ever had before with another person.” True to form, by the way, when I asked Madison why she wants to marry Garrett, she said, and I quote, “I want to marry Garrett because there is no doubt to me that we are end game.”

Now, to get a little more serious. (Not that fantasy football isn’t serious. Please don’t hurt me.)  Madison and Garret’s story is actually a testament to the fact that though none of us wishes for hardship, it is hardship or more accurately our response to hardship that makes us who we are, not only as individuals, but as couples. Check this out.

Madison, a great believer in fate, says something that might sound counterintuitive, “I truly do not think we would have been ready to get married until we did long distance. Long distance was the best and worst part of our relationship. It taught us how to be independent from each other but also how to MISS each other. It showed me gratitude for Garrett and patience which I struggle with. It 100% made our relationship stronger and made me more confident. Being away from Garrett made me crave being near him. I am grateful for the obstacle because it reaffirmed for me that I wanted to be with Garrett forever and how much I loved him.”

Garrett agrees, “Marrying her is in fact one of the easiest and effortless decisions I can make because of how much I love her. I truly know at this point there is no one else I want to spend my life with. I know after conquering two years of long-distance that we are now ready to get married, as this was the ultimate test to decide if our relationship is meant to last. I know that if we can make it through something as difficult as that, that we can conquer any goals we desire together.” 

Garret ends with words I can’t beat, “Marriage will seal this bond of love we share permanently and allow us to take the next steps in our growth as lifelong partners.”

Broken and Whole

Sunday afternoon, I officiated Susan and Steven’s wedding ceremony at the Dallas/Plano Marriott at Legacy Town Center, in Plano, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The Bible tells us that when Moses comes down from Mount Sinai, carrying the Ten Commandments, he witnesses, to his dismay, that in his absence the Children of Israel have decided to engage in some, uh, extra-curricular activities.

So, while the first not one but two commandments are about worshipping the one God of Israel and not worshipping idols, here they are dancing around a golden calf they are worshipping. Moses, understandably, is a little upset, and he breaks the tablets.

God is none too happy either, but Moses convinces God to give the Children of Israel a second chance. He goes back up to the mountain, and he comes back down with a second set of tablets. The lesson here is very clear: Always make sure your tablets are covered by a good warranty.

Now, eventually, God commands Moses to build the Ark of the Covenant. Thanks to Steven Spielberg, you’ve all seen it in the first Indiana Jones movie. God commands Moses to put the tablets inside the ark.

Which tablets, you might ask? Here is where it gets interesting. You might think that it was just the second and whole set of tablets that went in there. You would be wrong. God explicitly commands Moses to put the whole tablets AND the broken tablets into the ark.

When I was younger, I really didn’t understand why. I mean who saves broken tablets. You either recycle them or give them back to Apple for a credit on your next tablets. Now that I am a little older and hopefully a little wiser, I get it. What really makes us who we are is the mixture of brokenness and wholeness that is inside all of us.

When you listen to Susan and Steven tells their life stories, each as individuals and then as they converge, you can really see this concept play out. You see it in Steven’s tremendous admiration for how his parents built a cooperative relationship after they went their separate ways. You see this in the pride Susan has in raising happy, healthy, and productive children while having experiences that she says would be worthy of a Hallmark mini-series.

And you most definitely see it in the events of late 2016 and mid-2017, when Susan went from being lucky to be alive to what she calls the “most wonderful, fantastic thing that has happened to me beside the birth of my children. When I least expected it, I found a love so true, so deep, that is such a gift.”

Finally, you see it in how they have conceived of this celebration with all of you, their family and friends, here today. As Steven says, “This wedding will signify the start of the next chapter of our lives, and hopefully for all those that attend, the beginning of the end of this dreaded pandemic, a celebration for all to embrace.”

Have You Ever Danced with Yourself?

Midday Saturday, Reverend José Luis Jácome and I co-officiated Samia and Jared’s wedding ceremony at Samia’s parents’ home in Quito, Ecuador. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Have you ever listened to two people talk about each other and been reminded of a poem? I have, specifically when listening to Samia and Jared speak of each other.

Samia recounts how they grew their relationship together, “He soon became my home away from home. We were each other’s pillars when work or life got hard… As our relationship and careers progressed, we could make more time for each other and grow together. Jared became the person I would always go to, my trusted partner and my best friend. This is when I knew he was the person I wanted to marry… We know that together, we will be able to accomplish anything because we are partners for life.”

Jared echoes these very feelings, “We recognize the strength and happiness we provide each other. Her best qualities uplift my own, and I hope in turn my best qualities do the same for her. My life… without Samia… would lack the fulfillment and joy that I am brought every day by her presence…. We recognize that our individual selves and our collective lives are made greater by one another. We as a team, are greater than us as individuals. A life-time commitment to one another, as marriage is, will only serve to grow that bond between us…”

Coincidentally or not, this perfect distillation of the ideal loving relationship that Samia and Jared describe is beautifully expressed by the Ecuadorian American poet, Maria Galvez, in her poem, Have You Ever Danced with Yourself:

Have you ever danced with yourself?

I have.  I did it tonight.

Somehow, it just felt right,

Although it was dark and it was late.

I checked the weather forecast of my heart

And the climate of my soul marks: “Happiness”,

An unbelievable sense of joyfulness

That will stay within me, even if we are apart.

 

Because we were made for each other,

“apart” simply means “I’ll be right back”.

It’d be silly to turn our backs

On this great combination of lovers.

 

Lovers in love, now and forever.

Sharing dreams and goals that we know will come true,

Since anything is possible if I am with you,

Sharing a life in which fate brought us together.

 

Have you ever smiled at yourself?

I have.  I did it tonight.

And it feels perfectly right

To be yours and to enjoy being under your spell.

 

(What I’m really saying is: I’m in love…

What I’m really saying is: I love you.)

Samia and Jared, may continue to recognize that anything is possible when you are with each other, and may you never come out from under each other’s spell.

As Ready as We’ll Ever Be

Saturday afternoon, December 3rd, I officiated Emma and Cary’s wedding ceremony at Acre Baja, in San Jose Del Cabo, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Albert Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it."

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one."

Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going."

Now, roll back the tape to the beginning of Emma and Cary’s story. Was it evident where they were going? Was it evident that their story would bring us to where we are today?

Cary says, “It all started when I, a sophomore, saw Emma Davis, a freshman, walking through the hallway of the Bullis School. I knew there was something about her and I had to meet her. I would see her in the hallways but never had the chance to hangout outside of school. By the time my junior year rolled around, Emma and I started to hangout a bit. All the boys were interested in her so I wasn’t sure of my chances.” Cary, at this moment, I would say your chances are pretty good…

In all seriousness, the answer on a slightly deeper level is that there was something special from the word go, something that is harder to define in logical terms, something that is still with them today. Emma says, “I was so nervous around him. I still get butterflies thinking about him coming up the stairs from the senior lounge and saying, ‘Hey Emma’. We were actually both dating other people at the time and dumped them for each other!” A trail of broken hearts at Bullis. Ouch…

From there, Emma takes us deeper. “Our love was strong, so the future was always a topic of discussion and this continued throughout our relationship...When he was like, ‘I don’t want you to move to NYC, let’s move in together,’ I didn’t think twice. We were so ready to start our life together. Very soon into our move-in, we got our baby, Harley. Harley rounded out our family and from then all we could talk about is our future and how we were going to crush life together.” (In case you were wondering, yes, Emma and Cary were quite insistent that Harley be recognized in our ceremony, because, obviously!)

For those of you older than thirty, according to author Emma Zimmerman, “Crushing it is a common expression used when someone is doing their job particularly well, or exceeding all of their goals. Unlike the literal definition of the word “crush” (to destroy with force to the point of injury), ‘crushing it’ has an extremely positive connotation. The phrase can easily be swapped out with its cousin, ‘killin’ it.” The more you know!

Interestingly, Cary says something that in my experience you rarely hear from grooms. Not to be stereotypical, but us guys can be relatively shallow, in comparison to the girls, “I have always wanted to get married by 28 and have kids by 30. I would say, the earlier you have kids, the longer you get to be in their lives. Except, I didn’t start saying this until I was with Emma. When you know you found the love of your life, you can start to plan... I can’t wait to be a father… I know Emma will be an amazing mother… This is obviously a huge moment for us, but this is more about officially beginning our lives together as one. I know I am making the best decision in marrying Emma and can’t wait to officially call her my wife.” 

Emma echoes Cary, “I still pinch myself… I know I’m the luckiest girl in the world. Life with Cary is GOOD and I’m just so excited for our future as a married couple. Marriage to me solidifies our relationship, our commitment, our love for one another. We always knew we would be ready for it at some point and now here we are. As ready as we'll ever be.”

Well, I’m not one to argue with a bride on her wedding day, so with that, we better get on with it!