The Time We Have Together Now

Saturday night, Father Misael Castro Cacua and I co-officiated Hillary and Gabriel’s wedding ceremony at the Hotel Hacienda Vista Hermosa in Tequesquitengo, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The rabbi who mentored me in officiating interfaith weddings, Rabbi Lev Ba’esh, taught me to ask every person I marry to write an essay about themselves. And the essay needs to cover five different points, life history, spiritual history, how you met, why you want to get married, and why now. The last two questions are indeed separate questions that each need to be answered.

I have been running into an interesting phenomenon the last two years, though, with regards to the answer to the final question. I get a lot of answers that would best by summarized by two words possibly written over a gif with Tom Hanks sporting a bewildered expression, “Like, seriously?”

Gabo’s answer is basically along these lines, “We have been trying to have the ceremony for almost two years, however due to COVID we have had to postpone 2 times.”

Now, this may shock you, but Hillary’s answer is slightly longer. In fact, parenthetically, Hillary’s may be the longest essay I have ever received, going on 500+ weddings. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just sayin’.

Here is what she says, “There are a few answers that I could give to this: Because I waited three and a half years for him to propose (Ouch, Gabo!); because I waited a year and a half to have my already scheduled wedding; because getting married on the side of the highway in front of an OXXO is NOT a wedding (non-Latin Americans, an OXXO is like a 7-11, but with drinkable coffee); because our wedding should be more than a signature that allows me to get residency for a living and work permit; (finally) because my mother would probably murder me if we don’t.”

Now, humor aside, this is where Hillary gets really deep, and gives what may be the best answer I have gotten to the “why now” question in fourteen years.

“I think the real answer is somewhere between the reason fifteen of my friends got pregnant during COVID and the response I recommended my best friend give to her four-year-old son who was asking about death after Trouble, one of the chickens at his school, died. (RIP, Trouble.)

We are all going to die, so we need to get the most out of the time we have together now. We need to show the people we love that we love them. In this case, I need Gabo to know that if I die in 70 years or tomorrow, I would be happy knowing he was next to me as my chosen life partner for as long as possible. I can’t wait another minute to start our forever.”

Wow. As an existentialist, this answer blew me away. If there is any lesson worth learning from the last two years, it is this lesson, that Hillary and Gabo teach us today.