Gratitude

Sunday evening, I officiated Jaime and Richard’s wedding ceremony, at Sixty Vines, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

In modern, fast moving secular life it is easy to fail to see the beauty, mystery and wonder that are outside of our control, which must be experienced on their own terms, rather than ours. With that, one can miss out on the most important ingredient one needs to have in life, gratitude.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”  

Gratitude allows us to see the best in those around us, and how they help us to do better and be better. And in my time with Jaime and Richard I have discovered that this lies at the core of their relationship.

You see this in what Jaime says regarding why she chooses today to marry Richard: “I have never known anyone in my life… that understands me like Richard does. He has recognized and pointed out so many little things that I do or act or say that I've never recognized in myself... and when I think about it, he's spot on. And I am the same person for him.” There’s no mathematical formula for making that happen. You just have marvel at the wonder of the thing, and like Jaime is, be profoundly grateful.  

You see this in what Richard says about why he chooses today to marry Jaime: “I find at this point of my life a deep sense of mystery, wonder and spirituality that ebbs and flows around daily life… (and) there is no one that I would rather spend my time with more than Jaime. She brings humor, joy, fun and non-judgmental honesty into my life everyday – and for that I am grateful.”

As we celebrate Jaime and Richard’s marriage – in Rumi’s immortal words – “Today, let us swim joyously with gratitude.” With that in mind, I recite the words of an ancient Jewish blessing: Blessed are you, Lord, our God, Ruler of the universe, who has given us life, sustained us and brought us to this joyous time.

You and I

Sunday evening, I officiated Dana and Daniel’s wedding ceremony at the McKinney Flour Mill in McKinney, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

One of the things that stood out to me about Dana and Daniel is their gratitude. Gratitude should never be underestimated in its importance, and conversely there is scarcely a worse quality than being ungrateful.

They both express profound gratitude for having found each other. As Dana says, "We just have so much fun being together. Everything feels easy and right." And as Daniel says, "We’ve both had pretty exciting lives, and we’ve enjoyed sharing them with each other."

They not only express gratitude for having found each other. They are profoundly grateful to their parents. As Dana says, "I grew up in a very stable and loving environment, where my curiosity was allowed to flourish...  I was and continue to be very loved, and... incredibly fortunate." And as Daniel says, "Mom and Dad were always hard at work... managing to never leave my brother or me wanting for anything.  Their work-ethic and strong wills - I tear-up just thinking of..." And, both Dana and Daniel are profoundly grateful that their families have come together and love and appreciate each other. As Daniel says in a slightly folksy turn of phrase, "Our families get along like peas and carrots!" As someone who has officiated many weddings, I will tell you, THAT is nothing to "sneeze" at.

Dana and Daniel's gratitude reminded me of one of the most meaningful readings I have ever found. It so wonderfully expresses how despite the challenges we each face, how grateful we should be for, well, just being. This small piece of prose is poetry-like, which might be surprising, since it was written by a scientist, Richard Dawkins:

"The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds..."

Dana and Daniel not only won the lottery of birth, they won the lottery of excellent parenting, the lottery of great families and the lottery of love. And so, they are utterly and profoundly grateful for this great fortune.

It is, therefore, hard not to pray that Daniel's wish for their future come true, "Perhaps one day we’ll be sitting on a porch swing - or some other fantastic cliché - and be able to look back at our life and just grin. That’s all any of us can ask."

Not a bad "ask". Not a bad "ask" at all.

Cannot Imagine My Life without My Best Friend

Last night, Saturday 11/23, Reverend Mary Collier and I co-officiated Riley and Bennett's wedding at the Driskill Hotel in Austin, Texas. Here are the personal remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Arguably, one of the most important traits each person should develop is a well honed sense of gratitude. Think about it; would you like to hang out with the person who feels like everything they have they deserve, and are entitled to it and more? Or would you rather hang out with the person who feels tremendously lucky for what they have, is happy with it, and is full of thanks and gratitude for it? One of the things that really stands out about Riley and Bennett is that they are definitely in the second category.

You know people have that quality especially when they recognize the smallest gestures with gratitude. Here is one of the first things Riley remembers about Bennett, "I knew I was going to fall... for Bennett right away because he was such a gentleman on our first date, and even opened the car door for me! I hadn’t had a boy open a car door for me since High School (after my Mother told him that he should do so…embarrassing!) It’s hard to find that kind of charm these days... He’s treated me just as great as he did that night on our first date ever since, and I am so thankful for that every single day."

You know that people have that quality when they are able to admit and express how thankful they are even for something that they initially weren't thankful for. Bennett, for instance, was not entirely sure about Riley adopting a dog. Here is how he describes his turning around on that and his gratitude to Riley in the aftermath, "Turns out, in a lot of ways, this brought us closer together, as we consider this dog part of our 'family'."

This quality allows you to open your eyes, and look at life and its simple pleasures together as a true adventure. Riley describes in detail the many experiences they have had and continue to have together, with just that sense of wonder. Bennett sums it up in simple yet profound words, "Throughout it all we were always happy to just be together doing anything. I knew that a life with her would only be continuing that feeling and knew it would only grow stronger...

And so to Riley and Bennett, what we are doing here today is just a no brainer. "Simply put," says Riley, "I cannot imagine my life without my best friend. When I am with Bennett, I always know that life will be an adventure!" And Bennett agrees, "We already feel married...To me, the ceremony... is just going to make the whole thing official. I can't imagine being with anyone else..."

Wow... Anything I would add to that would just be superfluous...