Widening the Circle of Concern

On Saturday, October 7, 2023, I officiated Emma and Matt’s wedding ceremony at the Instituto Allende in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests: 

Emma says that, “The story of how we met is a true modern day Jewish classic: blending the power of 21st century technology with the timeless persistence of a trifecta of Jewish mothers… I don’t remember where I was when I received a text from my mother saying, ‘Carol’s husband Warren, has a nephew that lives in San Francisco. He works in tech (yes mom, so does 99% percent of this city), and would you ever be open to meeting him?’” 

Once her positive response reaches Matt it turns out that they had matched already on Hinge, Matt had messaged her, and Emma had ignored him. Busted! 

Matt picks up the story from there and says: “Thankfully Emma decided to send her number back through the yenta chain. We had our first date in December 2018, and the rest is history. I continue to tell her we could have had another eight months together and been married already!”

Now, this is not the place to go into all the details, but if you know Emma and Matt and their families, you know they have experienced a greater share of challenges than what seems fair. How have they persevered? How have they not only survived but thrived? What is their secret?

I believe the answer may be found in something Emma says about Matt, but which is truly representative of both of them: “I loved the way Matt made me feel and made the people around him feel, from the CEO of his company, to Betty, the cleaning woman at his office, who he invited out to dinner with us one night for pupusas in the Mission. He invests in people, not because he thinks he can get something in return from them, but because he truly is fascinated by everyone’s story in a genuine and unpretentious way.”

The Ancient Rabbis, who were very concerned with action, and not so concerned with beliefs, ask what commandment one may best fulfill through marriage. Their answer is simple, yet profound, and reflects what I just told you: Love your neighbor, as yourself. Love your spouse as much as you love yourself. Then widen your circle of concern beyond that to include everyone else. And in the words of Viktor Frankl, quoting Nietzsche, once you have your why, you can withstand any what that is thrown at you. 

It is through the widening of that circle of concern that Emma and Matt and their families have overcome everything they have, it is through the widening of that circle of concern that they persevere. It is through the widening of that circle of concern that they will find everlasting happiness.