Fight Together

On Tuesday, October 10, 2023, I officiated Hannah and Justin’s wedding ceremony in Spicewood, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests: 

Hannah and Justin’s story reminded me of one of the most misunderstood episodes in American political history. It occurred in the 1992 presidential campaign, specifically, during the vice-presidential debate. That year, our fellow Texan, Ross Perot, ran for president and he chose James Stockdale, as his running mate. Stockdale, with a shock of white hair, proceeded to introduce himself to the crowd at the debate with these words, “Who am I? Why am I here?” He was greeted with laughter, and the assumption of the public was that he was a confused old man.

Far from it, though. Stockdale was the most decorated Vietnam era POW. He provided leadership in the unfathomable Hanoi Hilton. He was and remains revered as one of the most important military philosophers of our time. The Stockdale Paradox is named for him. He was trying to answer a question he thought needed answering, why was a man of his caliber there. However, on a deeper level, he was asking questions we all need to answer, who am I, why am I here? Hannah and Justin know the need to ask those questions and not shy away from where the answers take them.

There is a story in the Talmud, the foundational book of Judaism (nope, it’s not the Bible), that sheds some light on maybe not the answer to that question but how one must answer it. We are told of a man named Elazar ben Durdaya, who deeply struggled with certain vices. There came a moment, when a close associate remarked that there was no way Elazar could ever get back on the right path.

The remark was a wake up call for Elazar, and the Talmud tells us of a discussion he had, likely in his head. He began begging the sun and the moon, the mountains and valleys, and other natural phenomena, one by one to help him. They each explain that they cannot. Then Elazar realized what many of us, including Hannah and Justin, come to realize at crucial moments in our lives, and he said, “Apparently, it is entirely up to me.” There are no shortcuts. I have to face the facts. I have to face reality. 

There is one important lesson, though, that Elazar overlooked. He overlooked the biblical maxim, “He who finds a wife, has found happiness, and has won the favor of the Lord.” And he didn’t have the opportunity to meet Hannah and Justin. Hannah and Justin’s inspiring story of redemption is proof that you don’t need to struggle alone. You can hold hands with that special someone and you can fight together. If that is the right person, together you can answer that double question, who am I, why am I here, just like Hannah and Justin have.