Do I Feel Lucky?

Sunday afternoon, September 19th, Dr. Elmar Sakala and I co-officiated Becky and Larry’s vow renewal at the Wildwood Canyon Park, in Yucaipa, California. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

This might sound odd, but there is an argument for incorporating one of the most famous lines in cinema history into every wedding ceremony I officiate: “You’ve gotta ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’”

Now, I am not saying that getting married is like looking down the barrel of, “a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world,” wondering, “Did he fire six shots or only five?” It’s actually harder than that.

Marrying someone is the ultimate wager. It’s easy to say that the you of today wants to be with the them of today. What’s harder is to bet that your love is so strong that you of tomorrow, of a year from now, of ten years from now, will still want to be with the them of tomorrow, of a year from now, of ten years from now.

This is why in the Christian tradition, weddings are centered around vows, which classically invoke the idea that you’re in it for the good times and the bad, and that you will stay strong by the other person’s side for richer or for poorer, which we have some control over, and most importantly in sickness and in health, which we have much less if any control over.

This is why I love the idea I have heard from some Christian ministers who ask all married couples to use the time that the marrying couple recite their vows to recommit to each other. Because that is what marriage is really all about.

Don’t get me wrong; I love weddings. I have, after all, officiated about 500 of them. However, the wedding should really be seen as one of those free trial offers you get for 14 or 30 days. The marriage is not calling back to cancel the after the trial offer period is over.

Now, I am not saying that a marriage is like an Apple TV subscription. Apple TV never turns to you, when you are minding your own business, to ask how a particular body part looks in those jeans. (Guys, please, the only legitimate answer is that it looks great. Stay safe out there!)

Marriage is about the wonderful experiences you have together, but marriage is also about the not so wonderful experiences you have together. Hopefully, the balance is with the former, but it might be the latter, that if you play your cards right, binds you even tighter together. That is, after all, when you need love the most; that is when the love you give counts the most.

This is why every couple, really, should follow Becky and Larry’s example, and go on a ten year renewal tour like today, as their friends have been urging them to do. Every couple should take a moment, in front of their family and friends, and say once again, I’m in it for the long haul. I’m in it for good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.