It occurs to me that Sara
and Pavel exemplify the very idea of lifelong learning in their relationship.
Where differences of faith and culture can be an obstacle for some, for them it
presented an opportunity for learning. As Sara says, "Our religious
differences are something that could have potentially been detrimental to our
relationship, but we are both very respectful of each other’s beliefs and
faith. We push ourselves to learn more about both Catholicism and Judaism for
ourselves and for each other. We find similarities between the two and discuss
the differences." These differences served to enhance each one's
connection to their own faith and heritage. As Pavel says, "Meeting
Sara... helped enhance my Jewish identity."
Sara and Pavel came up with
a really cool idea for the readings in their ceremony, that fit in with this
approach. As a sign of respect for their own and each other's faiths, they
chose to include two parallel and very well-known Hebrew Scripture and New
Testament readings. As a sign of respect for their families, they asked their
parents to read these, in Hebrew and English respectively. The central message
of these readings is in one of the Hebrew Scripture verses quoted by the New
Testament, which refers to man leaving his mother and father, and cleaving to
his wife.
Now, asking their parents to
read these specific verses was actually not just a sign of respect. It was a
sign of admiration, as Sara and Pavel acknowledge the wonderful example their
parents set for them, with their multi-decade love stories. As Pavel says,
"My parents... are an inspiration to me of how to live and exist together
as a couple. They are very passionate about each other and about life... I hope
to have a strong and long lasting relationship like theirs with Sara." And
as Sara says, "My parents... have been married an impressive forty-three
years... They are considerate of each other, support each other, have truly
been by each other’s side in sickness and health, they are affectionate and
they make each other laugh."
Now, I always say there is
no right or wrong way to do a wedding ceremony, and there is no one right way
to do a marriage either. In fact, the very relationships that Pavel and Sara
admire in their parents are profoundly different, as is Sara and Pavel's
relationship from both of these relationships. And romance and fairy tales
aside, turning two people into one unit, as these verses describe, takes work.
In fact, it might be said that the only true absolute about marriage is that
for it to work, you as individuals and as a couple must find that harmonic sweet
spot between being your own person and becoming one flesh. And because we
constantly evolve and change, our relationships and where that sweet spot is
evolves and changes.
It is this type of dynamic
that makes marriage one of the best vehicles not only for love and warmth, but
for personal growth too. As Sara says, "I knew I could be with Pavel
forever, when I could tell Pavel could see me for who I truly am... He
challenges me to push myself, and sees success for me, and imagines things for
me, that even I am hesitant to dream. We bring out the best in each
other." And that is why Pavel describes their relationship as a,
"magical spiritual and emotional journey together to fall in love."
And he says that like any healthy evolution together, "there were ups and
downs," but they both know, "that we are happy as can be together...
we are ready to spend the rest of our lives together." This why he says,
what is mutually true for Sara and Pavel alike, "There is no one else I’d
rather spend the rest of my life with."
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