Best Recipe for Marriage

Yesterday (3/15) I officiated Melanie and Kevin’s wedding ceremony at the Canyon Creek Country Club in Carrollton, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Melanie and Kevin, through their love story, remind us of a very specific type of learning, perhaps the most challenging type. However, this type of learning makes for a fabulous love story.

Melanie's description of what she first thought of Kevin is, shall we say, interesting: "He was handsome (check) and an extremely talented bass player (check) but he didn’t seem 'boyfriend material.'” (Oops!)  Two years later, things changed. By then she says, "I learned a lot about Kevin since I first met him. For instance, he double majored in math and music, and graduated summa cum laude from UNT. Plus, he was valedictorian at Booker T. Washington High School. He also likes to cook. And he’s kind of a rockstar playing bass with many different bands. What a catch!"

So, this guy who was not boyfriend material, was on his way to becoming husband material! What happened? How did she so drastically change her mind?

As we grow up, and especially as we enter the adult world, we are told of the importance of first impressions. There is established science about how much we convey through our unconscious behavior, verbally and non-verbally. In turn, we are told that we make decisions about people in the first thirty seconds of meeting them. We are reminded, as we venture out into the world to keep these facts top of mind.

However, we seldom ask if it has to be that way. We don't usually think about how harmful this approach can be. We hardly ever imagine, how much more authentic and rich our lives could be, if we resisted this natural inclination. Well, just look at this couple standing hear before us, and you need not imagine.

This wonderful ability, of resisting that very natural, but highly inclination, is an ability which BOTH Melanie and Kevin share. Because it goes against our nature, it demands constant vigilance. It is so worth it though, because it can absolutely change your life. Melanie and Kevin, who were just friends, were able to open their hearts, they were willing to take a second look, they were happy to learn more and reconsider their initial impression. Can anyone argue with the results?

This approach relaxes the soul, and allows us to look at the entire world with new eyes. It makes us more forgiving and more loving of ourselves and of others. It, in Melanie's words about Kevin's affect in her, "encourages us to try new things and accept the inexactness of life."

This approach is the best recipe for marriage, because as anyone who is married will tell you, marriage is a rather inexact type of endeavor, to say the least. It is this approach that reminds us of the essence of what being in love with that special someone is really all about. In Kevin's words, "She... just wants me to be happy and be the best person I can be."