Journey to Bashert

On Friday, May 2, 2025, I officiated Cara and Ross’s wedding ceremony at Firefly Gardens in Midlothian, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry to write an autobiographical essay. Very few of these are given a title. Ross’s essay is one of those few, and he uses a Yiddish word in it no less, “My Journey to Bashert.”  File that away for now. We will get back to it.

Cara zeroes in on a common problem today in America: “My sister and I moved to Dallas during Covid, and two weeks in I thought I’d made a huge mistake. We decided to get a puppy, which helped, but making friends as an adult proved to be harder than I’d thought. A friend of mine suggested downloading a dating app as a way to meet people.” 

Here is where it takes an unexpected turn: “Being a girl who listens to a lot of true crime, I wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of meeting a stranger from the internet. I was however, convinced, and the first date I agreed to (after quite a bit of online research, of course) was with Ross.”

Ross speaks to the nature of that first dates: “My life took a transformative turn the day I met Cara. I vividly remember seeing her for the first time as I waited outside of the Katy Trail Icehouse entrance to greet her on our first date. She was walking across the street in the wrong direction, clearly lost and confused (being new to the area), with a cute bubbly cadence and looked absolutely stunning. 

I called her to help navigate to the restaurant, where we met with a hug and laughed about the unconventional route she took to get there. I felt immediately drawn to her warmth, energy and sense of humor.”

Ross notes the special nature of that date: “Our first date was unlike any other… We were instantaneously comfortable with each other, and sat outside in the Texas summer heat for over 4 hours enthralled in deep conversation. It was inherently clear that I met someone special and I could not wait to see her again the moment we said goodbye.”

Cara says, “I called my friend immediately after, and she called it before anyone: I was going to marry this man. Now, I can’t believe there was ever a time I didn’t have Ross in my life. Though it’s just been three and a half years, I feel like in that time so much has changed, and I really love the people we are today.” 

Ross agrees. He says, “The decision to propose to Cara was driven by my inability to imagine life without her. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up, and my last thought before I fall asleep with hopes she will be in my dreams.”  

Back to what we started with. Ross says, “When I told Cara’s Grandpa Bobby that I was going to propose, he was filled with joy and taught me the Yiddish term ‘bashert’.” Indeed, bashert is usually interpreted as meant to be, in general, or more specifically when referring to our romantic relationships, as soulmate. I love this interpretation, but it misses one thing, and that is our action and our free will. 

I believe a more nuanced view is necessary. Fate or luck or the universe may bring us to certain crossroads in our lives, but if we just leave it there, we won’t get far. What we need to do, in many things great or small, is to take that fate and through our actions forge it into destiny.

This is what Cara and Ross have done. As Ross says, “Our partnership has deepened immensely over time through meaningful experiences and overcoming obstacles, which have both taught us how to love each other to the fullest extent. While the ups and downs are both better with Cara, the “normal” days are just as meaningful to me.” 

Cara agrees, and she says: “I really love the people we are today. We’ve weathered a few hiccups, celebrated so many accomplishments, and worked really hard to build each other up as we’re creating a really beautiful life… I cannot wait to make the commitment of my lifetime to the love of my life in front of all of our closest friends and family, to step into the next chapter of life and getting to love Ross for the rest of my life.”

Forged a Wonderful Partnership

Saturday afternoon (1/28), I officiated Amanda and Carl’s wedding ceremony at the Barr Mansion in Austin, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Amanda describes how she and Carl first met: “Carl and I met through a social kickball league. When I moved to Austin for graduate school, I really did not know anyone, so I decided to join the league to try and expand my social circle. We talked briefly at the first game and then again for a bit longer at the bar after the game. Personally, I thought we had hit it off that night, but when it was time to go our separate ways, Carl just waved goodbye and walked away without so much as a second glance.” Oh, boy… 

Now, if you guessed that that was not the end of the story, congratulations, Sherlock. We are, after all, here at their wedding. Perhaps, being in graduate school, Amanda was inclined towards allowing make-up work if submitted within a reasonable time. Amanda continues, “A couple of weeks later… we had our next game and spent some more time talking and getting to know each other, and I was introduced to Carl’s cat, Ellie (who is now one of my two fur babies). After that was when things officially came together…” 

Now, I assume most of you grew up in this country, so unlike me, reading that your first question was not, what on earth is kickball? Americans may have too many sports. I grew up in Israel, where we mostly kick a ball around for 90 minutes and occasionally into a goal, but that’s about it. For some reason, someone in America decided that that is all fine and good, but what if we made that more complicated and more like baseball? I don’t know why.

Having also lived in King Charles III's realm, I discovered a fascinating sports factoid. When His Majesty’s subjects gather to compete, they call what they do not a game but a test. That seems more appropriate because if you have seen how they treat their sports, they are not playing around.

The idea of a test is one of the oldest ideas known to humans, showing up several times in the Epic of Gilgamesh, for instance. The Ancient Rabbis contend that God tested Abraham ten times and that he passed every one of them. Then they proceed to endlessly argue what those ten tests were, of course, because, as they say, two Jews, three opinions. 

Now, you might ask, why does God, who knows the future, need to test Abraham? However, this fundamentally misconstrues the Rabbis’ idea. Tests are meant not to show the deity if we can pass them, but to discover for ourselves if we can withstand them. They are a vehicle through which we can prove our character not to the deity but to ourselves. And these tests make us better and stronger as individuals and as couples.  

We have all experienced this in a fashion so intense that, pre-March 2020 none of us could have imagined. Our relationships have been tested, even forged by our collective experience. As Carl succinctly puts it, “If we could live together successfully through all the nonsense that occurred through the past years, I’m confident it will be a successful partnership.”

Amanda elaborates on how these experiences have forged a wonderful partnership of learning and personal development: “Carl makes me better, or want to be better, in almost every area of my life… I do the same for him. He… challenges me and encourages me to think critically and explore ideas and different avenues I wouldn’t have otherwise given a second thought… We have both grown… both individually and as a couple… We know what we want and what we need and are ready for those next steps of building a life and a family together.”