Plow Forward and Overcome

Thursday night, I officiated Ellie and Edwin’s wedding ceremony at the Springs Events in Aubrey – the Lodge, in Aubrey, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

You might wonder why Ellie, an off the beaten path LDS member and Edwin, a (likely) undefined theist of Christian origin, would choose a rabbi to officiate their wedding. Not if you know them, however; if you know them this makes perfectly good sense, precisely because it doesn’t. They are both very deep thinkers and to say they are iconoclasts in their thinking is an understatement.  

Now, though I am not your average rabbi (another understatement), to a hammer, everything is a nail. So, naturally, when I think of Ellie and Edwin, I am reminded of a comment made by a 16th Century Polish rabbi. 

Rabbi Moshe Isserles was one of the most important authorities in the history of the development of Jewish Law. His rulings take the form of glosses on the text of his Spanish counterpart, Rabbi Yosef Karo’s compendium, the Shulchan Aruch or Set Table.

Sometimes he is silent regarding his counterpart’s rulings, sometimes he has a short comment about them, and sometimes his glosses are much lengthier than Karo’s text. The first gloss in this compendium is an example of the latter. Isserles, commenting on just ten of Karo’s words, goes on at length, quoting not only scripture and previous legal sources as he is wont to often do, but even a philosophical work.

And then, in the very first gloss in this lengthy multi-volume compendium, he makes a comment that might seem curious for a religion focused not on beliefs or emotions, but on action, “And he should not feel shame because of those people who ridicule him in the work of the Lord, blessed be His Name.”

Most people are deathly afraid of what other people will say. And, so they conform. They just go with the flow. They never step out of line. I’m not sure how you would say this in 16th Century Polish, but what Isserles says here is, basically, screw that.

Recognize that those who try to do the right thing will always face opposition. This is just the nature of the world. Inoculate yourself, so you may continue to do the work. Know that there will be forces arrayed against you, and plow forward and overcome them. And, just like Ellie and Edwin, do not feel shame because of those people who ridicule you in the work of the Lord, blessed be His Name.

A Jew, a Christian, a Hindu and a Muslim

Every now and then people ask me what my favorite wedding was. I’m smart enough not to answer that one, LOL. (If I officiated your wedding, you know it was yours!) Of course, most memorable is a very different issue, because some circumstances are different than others.

Roshni and Kelly were originally going to have a small wedding ceremony in April. With the situation as fluid as it is, they decided to move things up. They called me Saturday to ask if I could officiate their wedding on Sunday.

I first texted back to verify that they would be following CDC guidelines and the rules the Governor put in place of limiting social gatherings to 10 people. They were doing even better; there would be no more than six people there, including me and a photographer.

When I spoke with them Saturday, Kelly joked that we should find an open mosque, because a rabbi marrying a Hindu and a Christian in a mosque would mean we had our bases completely covered.

Luckily, the photographer they found (pictured below), also on Saturday, Urooj of Urooj Photography, is not only extremely talented, but a Muslim!

So, yes, on Sunday, in the shadow of COVID-19, a Jew, a Christian, a Hindu and a Muslim did NOT walk into a bar, nor could they because all bars are closed. Instead, they went to Adriatica Village and the Christian and the Hindu walked out of there married!

Renewal

Sunday morning, Rev. Randy Dicken and I co-officiated Eve and Derek’s wedding, at the Stonegate Mansion, in Fort Worth, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Eve and Derek might just have chosen the best week for an interfaith Jewish-Christian marriage. On top of that, this might just be the best week for a wedding that unites not just two individuals, but two young families. Why do I say that? Well, this week, our faiths celebrate two holidays, Passover and Easter.

What are Passover and Easter all about? I don't mean the minute details of the stories we tell. I mean what overarching themes are embedded within these celebrations? What is at the core of these holidays that are not just central to our religions, but critical to their founding myths?

Simple; they are all about renewal. They are, after all, Spring holidays. As such they draw on aspects of the human experience that have their roots deeply embedded in the human psyche, that precede the dawn of our great faiths.

Let's think about that word for a moment, renewal. What does it imply? Renew is different from just new. It implies both something new, but also a continuation of something that existed before. Spring, after all, does not, if you will, spring out of nowhere. It emerges from Winter, as the physical world renews itself.

That is what bringing two families together, as we do here today, is all about. That is why earlier in this ceremony, we took a moment to acknowledge the three important individuals that share the stage with Eve and Derek here today. That is why later this week both Christians and Jews will incorporate eggs into their rituals. Because, regardless of the philosophical abstract question regarding what came first, the Easter egg and the egg on the Seder plate were both definitely preceded by the chicken.

This spirit of renewal is what Eve draws on when she says, "Our love and commitment (will) allow us to build a solid foundation and a happy home for our children... It is important to us to show our children what a happy, healthy marriage is." And it is what Derek draws on when he says, "My desire to marry is because I would like to share my life with Eve... I love Eve and want her to know that I want to spend my life with her. It is time... to officially tie the knot."

Amazing Grace

Saturday afternoon Father Bruce Nieli and I co-officiated Jacqueline and James’ wedding at the Chapel of St. Basil on the campus of the University of St. Thomas, in Houston, Texas. Here are the words I shared with them and their guests:

Marriage is about two people, in this case Jacqueline and James, coming together. However, as mentioned before, in this case, as in many, there is that additional, shall we say, "element", grace. Grace is central to this union. 

 

One of my favorite hymns is John Newton's Amazing Grace. Now, I realize, that due to its popularity in modern culture, that is somewhat like saying that I like chocolate. Still, you must admit that a rabbi saying that a song rooted so deeply in Christian theology, is his favorite, is more man bites dog, than dog bites man. And when you do listen carefully to the words, you not only understand the deep Anglican roots of the hymn, in general, you realize that as it was written, it speaks to the concept of grace, as understood in Christianity to be one of its most central theological ideas. 

So, why does this rabbi, along with many non-Anglicans, and for that matter non-Christians, so love this hymn? I believe that this may be attributed to the malleable nature of the words, and specifically the concept of grace. It may have been written by John Newton with specific theological connotations, but even those of us who differ from Newton in our theology can still identify with the words and the broader meaning of grace in our lives. 

That broader meaning could be defined roughly as an ineffable sense of hope. Grace, in that sense means to us that even when we think all is lost, we need not give up. Hope can pull us through. And the hymn tells me, that that is not a one time occurrence. Life is not easy, it includes struggles along the way, and grace, hope, the triumph of the human spirit, are there to pull us through it all. 

You see that quiet resolute triumph in what Jacqueline says, "We come from different backgrounds, different parts of the country, different educations and religions. We (still) work because our souls (I have truly come to believe) are bound to one another... You are my soul mate, my other half, my best friend – anyway you cut it, you are my person."

You see that hope in what James says, "She is truly everything I have ever wanted in a partner. Her kindness, passion, heart, selflessness, beauty and unwavering love are just the beginning of all that she brings to our relationship and I am as happy as I have ever been and so incredibly excited for our future together."

Poignantly, the hymn speaks of the need for grace as a constant:

'twas Grace that taught,

my heart to fear.
And grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear,
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come.
'tis grace that brought me safe thus far,
and grace will lead us home.

Why does it speak of the need for grace as ongoing? Because life's challenges and triumphs are ongoing, are often intertwined. They stretch across time. 

You can hear this in how Jacqueline speaks of the genesis of their relationship, but also in her ongoing devotion to it, "You met me when I was at many crossroads – I was ready and lost all at the same time. As you have discussed with me before – you were too... Whether you believe it or not – you are one of the most amazing men. I would redo every sacrifice and exception that I ever made for you – time and time again."

James also echoes the idea of the ongoing need for and power of grace in his words about Jacqueline and her mom as ongoing forces in his life, "Her daughter... brings tremendous love and passion to our relationship and is a guiding force behind many of our most important decisions and plans. They both have brought incredible joy and happiness to my life and I cannot imagine a life without them."

Indeed, grace unearths in us feelings of hope, love and strength, just like it did in the soul of John Newton. As James says, "I have never felt the way that I do now and I always want to continue and further this feeling of undying and unwavering love and happiness." Or, as Newton might put it, "Unending love, Amazing Grace."