Medicine and Prayer

Tuesday night I participated in an interfaith Zoom discussion on healing through prayer vs. healing through medicine.

The question being considered here reminds me of an old Jewish tale about two Jews who had a dispute. They came to the town rabbi and asked him to resolve it. The rabbi carefully listened to the first man and said, “You’re right!” Then he carefully listened to the second man and said, “You’re right!” His wife, who was sitting just a few feet away, exclaimed: “ They can’t both be right!” The rabbi said: “You’re right, too!”

Seriously, traditional Judaism favors the rabbi’s first instinct. You could say that it follows the one rule of improv comedy: “Yes and”.

The foundational book of Judaism is the Talmud. In truth, it is less a book than an edited multigenerational discussion. In the Tractate or volume called Bava Kama on folio 85, it says as follows:

''ורפא ירפא'' (שמות כא', יט') מכאן שניתנה רשות לרופא לרפאות.

It quotes from Exodus 21/19. That scripture says that a person who strikes his fellow is obligated to pay for the cost of nursing him back to health.

So, the Talmud says, from this we understand that it is permissible for a doctor to heal. For if this was not permissible, obviously there would be no obligation for this man to pay to heal his fellow.

The Tosafists, who studied the Talmud in France in the 12-13th Centuries expound on that, that once it is established that it is permissible, what stems from that is that it is actually obligatory. Because, elsewhere it has been established that saving a life is so important that one is obligated to transgress almost any commandment in order to save a life.

At the same time the Talmud tells us in Tractate Bava Batra on folio 116:

כל שיש לו חולה בתוך ביתו ילך אצל חכם ויבקש עליו רחמים.

Whoever has an ill person in his home, he should go to a wise man and have him beg for mercy on his behalf.

And the Amidah, the central prayer around which each Jewish worship service is built includes this blessing:

רְפָאֵנוּ ה' וְנֵרָפֵא, הוֹשִׁיעֵנוּ וְנִוָּשֵׁעָה, כִּי תְהִלָּתֵנוּ אָתָּה,
וְהַעֲלֵה רְפוּאָה שְׁלֵמָה לְכֹל מַכּוֹתֵינוּ.
כִּי אֵל מֶלֶך רוֹפֵא נֶאֱמָן וְרַחֲמָן אָתָּה.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה', רוֹפֵא חוֹלֵי עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל.

Heal us, O Lord, and we shall be healed, save us and we shall be saved, for You are our praise. Bring complete healing to all our wounds, for You are God and King, the faithful and merciful healer. Blessed are You, O Lord, Who heals the sick of his people Israel.

So, once again, traditional Judaism favors the rabbi’s first instinct: Not either/or, but yes and.

Capable of So Much More Together

Saturday evening, I officiated Lauren and Michael’s wedding ceremony, via Zoom, in North Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their handful of Zoom guests:

I ask every couple why they want to get married. Anyone else asking this would be considered quite rude. I mean, imagine walking into the office Monday morning, after your boyfriend, now fiancé, proposed and you accepted. You go up to Susan, your coworker, and show her the ring. She’s supposed to warmly hug you and gush, “Congratulations! Tell me all about the proposal!” Instead, she says, “Why?” Awkward!

Of course, Susan being crossed off your Christmas/Chanukah card list aside, it is an important question for each person to answer. And, luckily, in the context of planning a meaningful wedding ceremony, I can ask this question.

What I like about Lauren and Michael’s answers is that they do not shy away from the fact that relationships aren’t all gumdrops and sunshine. They are hard work. If your answer to why marry does not acknowledge that, if you really think that every moment of your marriage is going to be amazing, we really need to talk.

What Lauren and Michael tell us is that through their relationship, through the hard work they have put in to build it, they have found the sum total of their relationship is amazing. Spoiler alert: Everyone’s answer to the why question needs to be some form of this answer. I wish every couple got it like Lauren and Michael did.

Michael says, “There are always ups and downs in relationships, but in Lauren I found a fiercely loyal partner that is somehow more beautiful on the inside than she is on the outside. To this day I still pinch myself and wonder how I got so lucky.” 

And Lauren articulates this concept, so perfectly: “We… keep each other honest and challenge each other to be better, but at the end of the day accept each other for who we are now. We… let each other down at times, but we always grow and learn… It took time to be comfortable with ourselves and that we are enough for each other… Time has shown us both how much we love each other (and) that we are capable of so much more together than apart.”

That is the answer right there; that is the reason to marry: We are capable of so much more together than apart. We should all be so lucky.