Play the Long Game - It's Worth the Wait

Yesterday (2/14) I officiated Ashley and Mike's wedding ceremony at their beautiful home in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them:

Ashley and Mike, what a special moment, what a special couple, what a special relationship. One theme that is common in your individual stories, and your shared love story, is the willingness to play the "long game", and wait for what turned out to be each other.

Mike, you talk about how Ashley turned your, "life upside down and around, in a very good way." You share how she has made you a better person and got you out of your comfort zone. However, you had to be open to that, you had to welcome that, you had to be willing to wait for that. You had to play the long game.

Ashley, with your fondness for Yiddish, you say that Mike "is a true mensch", and you share how blessed you feel that he has come into your life. You insist that life "has changed drastically and for the better," because of Mike. However, as you say, you had to wait for Mike, you had to hold out, you had to play the long game.

The beautiful thing in playing the long game is not only is it, as you say, Ashley, "worth the wait." It is much more than that. It shapes your entire demeanor and existence, in understanding that life itself, past, present and future is not about the destinations we reach or strive to reach. There is scarce meaning in most specific destinations. Life is about the journey, the greatest of joys is found in the gradual uncovering of that journey, and the greatest journey is the one you share.

Ashley and Mike, may you continue on this wonderful journey, playing the long game of happiness together, for many many years to come.

Transcend

Saturday evening (2/7) Father Dan McLellan and I co-officiated Sarah and Eric's wedding ceremony at the Westin Poinsett in Greenville, South Carolina. Here are the words I shared with them and their guests:

Friends, our shared traditions embrace lifelong learning, and learning from everyone. So, whenever I officiate a wedding, I ask myself, this couple being unique individuals, what can I learn from them, what are they, consciously or maybe even unconsciously, teaching me, and indeed us?

Frankly, the best thing about working with Sarah and Eric, I feel, was just that. This was a couple that you could really learn from. I mean, one of the first things I ask every couple is how they met. How many couples answer that they met at a think tank?! Well, with apologies to Eric for the unscientific method, based on my anecdotal evidence, so far only about one in 260! Seriously, though, every time I spoke with this erudite couple, the conversation was fascinating.

Indeed, you get the sense from listening to Sarah and Eric talk about each other, that the thoughtfulness and wisdom they each found in the other was mutually attractive. So, even though Sarah admits that the first thing that drew her to Eric was, "his good looks," she says that over that summer interning in DC she "had several of what she considers the deepest conversations of her life." Of course, what Sarah leaves out, and Eric fills in, is that that summer there were several guys chasing her. So, and looking at her on her wedding day makes this obvious, she is only telling half of the story when it comes to good looks fitting in to the narrative! However, what to this day remains the most attractive thing to Eric about Sarah, is her ability to thoughtfully and existentially focus inward on what really matters.

One of the most interesting aspects of their thoughtful relationship has been how they think about their similarities and their differences. To wit, Eric says, "We might appear different but we are very much the same and this is why we clicked and this is why we work."

However, Eric also says, "I am a bit quiet and reserved and she is out-going and sassy. I tend to take my time and scrutinize every piece of information before making a decision whereas Sarah goes with her gut." Sarah says, "He challenges me because he has different opinions and feelings about things, and isn’t afraid to have open conversations... It’s hard for many women, including me, to find men who are strong and confident enough to express opinions that refute their own. So I will never be bored."

So, clearly, Sarah and Eric understand that though we seek out a partner who we are "on the same page with," having differences, though challenging sometimes, can be tremendously enriching. Of course, that begs the question, how do you harness your differences to enrich your life as a couple, rather than allow them to separate you. Here is where this couple's answer is the deepest. In speaking of perhaps the greatest difference they have, Sarah says, "We connect on a spiritual level that transcends religious divisions."

How do you transcend? Something Eric told me about his childhood, reminded me how. Eric celebrated his bar mitzvah in one of the caves that surrounds the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. Now, here is the interesting thing about that place, considered the holiest place on earth to our shared traditions. The mountain itself is mostly artificial. You see, King Herod built huge walls around the mountain, and then poured earth in to create the huge platform we see today.

However, if you go deep enough into the caves that archeologists have carefully dug into the area surrounding the Temple Mount, you eventually reach the original mountain and hit bedrock. You can TRANSCEND the artifice, reach out your hand and touch the actual Mount Moriah. You can touch the very site, where according to legend, both the creation of the world, and the birth of our shared Abrahamic tradition began.

What Sarah and Eric have been able to do in their deep relationship is just that. They have been able to reach that depth, where though their differences remain very much intact, they have touched bedrock. They, like many wonderful interfaith and intercultural couples have figured out what really matters. What really matters, what causes different characteristics to melt away is a shared value system, that holds on to what really matters. What really matters to these two is being kind, curious, thoughtful and loving to each other, and to family, friends and strangers alike. That, when all is said and done, is the bedrock, which they hold firm to. This is how they have transcended their differences, creating a whole new world in the process. Let's hope we can all follow their example. The world will certainly be a better place if only we can.

Pura Vida!

Saturday night (1/24) I officiated Carolyn and Hector's wedding at Maison de Macarty in Bywater, New Orleans, Louisiana. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

 

Friends, our shared traditions embrace lifelong learning, and learning from everyone. So, whenever I officiate a wedding, I ask myself, this couple being unique individuals, what can I learn from them, what are they, consciously or maybe even unconsciously, teaching me, and indeed us?

I am personally fascinated with origin stories. Here is the origin story of today's wedding in Carolyn's own words: "During one of my visits to Costa Rica, I stumbled upon a suffering homeless animal. The community had already come together and invested financially and emotionally in the dog’s care... I felt compelled to assist. Because of this I entered Hector’s work to rent a car to get her to a veterinary facility. Although it took him three weeks to finally ask for a date, we have been together since."

This reminded me of a fascinating rabbinic tale. The Bible does not really explain why Moses was chosen by God to lead the Children of Israel out of Egypt. Now, actually, the Bible does give us enough reasons why he shouldn't. He does not want the job; he does not think the Children of Israel will listen to him; not only is he not a great speaker, he's a poor speaker; he does not think he will be a good leader. So, the Rabbis fill in the back story, the origin story of Moses' leadership.

They tell us that one day Moses was tending the flock of his father in law, Jethro, and a small kid ran away. Moses chased after the kid a fair distance. When he caught up with the animal, he found it drinking from a small stream. Moses said, "Now I understand why you were running away. You were thirsty! You must be very tired now." So, Moses waited for the kid to finish drinking, gently picked it up, and carried it back to the flock. Then God said, if Moses has such a kind heart that this is how he treats animals, certainly he will treat humans kindly too. He will lead my flock, Israel. What matters to God are not superficial attributes; what matters to God is a kind heart.

Now, fortunately, you and I never have to choose a leader to liberate 2 million people from slavery. However, if we are fortunate enough, we choose a spouse. Choosing a spouse is somewhat similar to choosing a leader. In both situations, we have to predict the future. We don't know what we as a country will need, when we elect a president. Likewise, we don't know what we will need or be like a few years into a marriage. So, like God in the rabbinic tale, we look for a sign, an attribute that can serve as a quasi-crystal ball - kindness, a good heart. That is what Carolyn and Hector saw in each other. That is why the origin story of this couple is so significant. They both displayed and admired, in each other, that same kindness that God saw in Moses.

Now, there are actually three more instances in the Moses story that reminded me of this couple. Moses is told to strike the Nile in the Blood and Frog Plagues and the Earth in the Lice Plague. However, he does not do so himself. The Rabbis say that this was because Moses did not want to show ingratitude to the Nile that hid him as a baby and the Earth that hid the evil task master he had killed as a young man. Think about how revolutionary this idea is. Moses showing gratitude to animals is one thing, but to inanimate objects?! That is truly incredible.

And yet, today, to our peril, we understand what happens when we disrespect our waterways and our Earth. We perceive exactly what happens when we do not live in harmony with nature, both animate and inanimate. In this sense, this couple is emblematic. Seldom have I heard two people talk about their love for nature, sustainability and the environment as kindly and passionately, as these two. Just look around you and you can see that in this very ceremony.

With that in mind, can any of us have any doubt that these two will live a life that truly and most definitely embodies "Pura Vida?"

Brit Shalom – a Covenant of Peace

Yesterday, I officiated my first Brit Shalom for Tzvi[1], son of Melinda and Chris in Allen, Texas.  Brit Shalom is a new innovation. As Dr. Mark Reiss explains on his website www.britshalom.info, “Brit Shalom is a naming ceremony for Jewish families opting out of circumcision.” Dr. Reiss is passionate about helping such families, and so he has assembled a list of 213 celebrants in the USA, who are willing to officiate such ceremonies, 158 of which are listed on his website.

I am a little distressed that I am the only one listed for Texas and Oklahoma, who will officiate for any family! After all, as Dr. Reiss explains, “Not all the celebrants listed are opposed to Brit Milah. However, they are all committed to providing service to families unwilling to circumcise their sons, by officiating at Brit Shalom ceremonies.” I, personally, am not opposed to circumcision, nor am I a supporter of this ancient practice. I find each side’s arguments quite legitimate. As all three of my boys were born while we were still Orthodox, I have the luxury of not having to decide, as a non-Orthodox Jew, in practice, what I would do. I just ask myself, if I were opposed to circumcision, would I not want a rabbi to welcome the opportunity to celebrate my child’s birth with me? Therefore, I sincerely hope other rabbis will join me, eventually.   

The term Brit Shalom is an interesting one. The Book of Ezekiel, written from the point of view of the 6^th Century B.C.E. in Babylon, references the historical covenantal relationship between the Yahweh and the Judahites, which other prophets and authors had spoken about at length. As monolatrists[2], the destruction of Judah and the exile of the Judahites to Babylon, implied to many that the covenant had been broken. Ezekiel counters this, and reassures the Judahites that the covenant will be renewed in the future, as a covenant of peace, literally Brit Shalom.

Here are the remarks I shared Sunday night with Melinda, Chris and their extended family, which all gathered at their home in Allen, Texas:

One of the most fascinating things about the Jewish tradition is that a Jewish scholar, be he the greatest scholar of his generation, is referred to as a wise student. That is because Judaism so values the idea of life long learning. So, whatever like-cycle event I officiate, I try to see it as a teachable moment. 

Actually, it is this very point that stands out about Melinda and Chris. Most people just go with the flow. Most people's answer to why they do or don't do something is I don't know, or whatever, or because other people do. The liberal Jewish tradition does not view this type of approach favorably. It embraces the idea of learning that traditional Judaism does. It calls upon the individual, through this learning process, to seek out those traditions that enhance one's life, and practice those. Equally as important, it calls upon the individual, through the very same learning process, to figure out which traditions do not enhance one's life and discard those. Finally, it calls upon the individual, through this learning process to find traditions that with modification, can enhance one's life, and embrace those in their new form. This is exactly what Melinda and Chris have done in seeking out the rituals we practice today.

Now, note that I refer to the individual on purpose. Liberal Judaism calls upon every individual to work through this process. It recognizes that different people will come to different conclusions, and sees that as a good thing. So what is right for Melinda and Chris may not be right for the next couple. How wonderful this diversity is!

Finally, Liberal Judaism calls upon us to engage in dialogue, to argue our cases, and stand by our convictions, allowing the facts to guide us towards the conclusions that are right for us. It also calls upon us to use only the truth, as our guiding light. This means that one needs to listen to the other person's position, carefully evaluate it, be willing to accept that it could be right, and if it is, discard one's own position. This approach is the very approach that Melinda and Chris took in arriving at the conclusion that the type of celebration we observe here today is the right one for them.

So, Melinda and Chris, young Tzvi, is ahead if the pack already, since you will raise him in the very environment that brought about his first life cycle celebration. May you continue to inculcate him with this tremendously healthy approach.

 

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[1] This is the Hebrew name mom and dad gave him Sunday night. In any type of baby naming ceremony, I always reference the English name too. It is omitted here to protect the young man’s privacy.

[2] This is the concept of believing in the existence of many gods, but swearing allegiance to only one. This is quite different from monotheism, where one believes in the existence of only one god. Most scholars today agree that the Yahweh Alone party, the small group of priests in the 7th Century B.C.E., who wrote the core parts of the Torah and Prophets, were monolatrists, not monotheists, and the straightforward reading of the Hebrew Bible really always pointed in that direction. 

An Evolving Vessel of Their Mutual Love

 

This last Saturday (12/13) I officiated Elizabeth and Sergio's wedding ceremony at the Petroleum Club, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the personal remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Elizabeth and Sergio exemplify the new interconnected world we live in. This sentence, in which Elizabeth recounts their first interaction would not even have made sense just a decade ago:
"Sergio had “friended” me before we even got to Texas so I already saw his photos of his killer smile and sweet eyes and I was sold without knowing much else."

Now lest you think that this couple is shallow, listen to the rest of what she says:
"Lucky for me, behind the smile and sweet eyes was much, much more than I could ever ask for. I was excited!"

When they talk about each other, it is clear that Elizabeth and Sergio understand that they need to not only nurture and care for each other. They know they need to nurture and care for that third entity they are creating today, their marriage itself. They did not start thinking or talking about this today or yesterday either. As Sergio recounts, "Since the first day we started dating, we would talk about the future and what we would like it to be like." And they know that this future, the future of what they create here today, will be a bright one. As Elizabeth confidently predicts, "We have been through many personal journeys but I know this will be the greatest yet."

Now, you might legitimately ask, where does this confidence comes from? How do they know that this will be the greatest journey yet?

Well, that is the beauty of the special bond these two have forged. As Elizabeth says in one simple sentence about their journey thus far, "Our relationship grew, as did we." You see that simple sentence contains a deep deep truth, that Elizabeth and Sergio have followed, and continue to follow. Just, as we are not products of intelligent design, so it is with our relationships. Just as we evolve over the years, so must our relationships. Building a successful marriage is not about reaching this or any destination. It is about building the vessel of mutual love, that with each of us will continue to evolve.

That is the great truth Elizabeth and Sergio have lived by, since the day their relationship began. That is the truth they take with them into their next great adventure - this marriage. That is how they know that the best is yet to come.

Truly a We

This last Saturday (12/13) I officiated Deanna and Matt's wedding ceremony at the Scottish Rite Temple, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the personal remarks I shared with them and their guests:

From my first communication with Deanna, I was struck by her poise, grace and maturity, so much so, that I expected her to be chronologically older than I found her to be. Her deep thinking  and her approach to the world seem to bely her age. She is just ahead of the pack.

Similarly, impressive sideburns aside, when Matt describes his life experiences, having studied, fought for our country overseas and now continuing to serve in a civilian capacity in his work with FEMA, it seems puzzling how he has done all of those things already, as young as he really is.

Now what I say about Deanna and Matt may seem strange in light of the narrative some of us have adopted about their generation. Oh, those Millennials, no work ethic, no sense of responsibility, every one of them expects a participation trophy, blah blah blah, tsk tsk tsk.

Deanna and Matt are just such a fine example of the positive attributes that many in this interconnected new generation bring to the table. They really think about the "we", rather than just the "me me me".

Deanna and Matt are both tremendously reflective. They have engaged in deep thought about who they are, what they are, and what they believe in. They have not shied away from taking bold stances and making uncomfortable choices, when they were the right stances to take and the right decisions to make.

At the same time, they have been tremendously thoughtful and considerate of those around them, and of how their choices impact others. In other words they have shied away from a winner take all, zero sum game approach, and have preferred a win-win ethic. Not me, me, me, but we.

And you see that in the interactions they have with each other. These two are best friends and true partners. They work together as a team, and they complement each other's strengths and weaknesses. She is a little hard on herself, he is more of a "go with the flow" guy. She is passionate and compassionate, he is more reserved and calm. And these qualities mutually rub off on each of them. They are truly a we. And as a we, they continue to learn and laugh together, knowing that in loving each other and in the mutual love they share with you, their family and friends, they have found the ultimate happiness.

Following Their Own Path - An Alternative Reading of a Talmudic Story

This last Saturday evening (12/6), I officiated Jenny and Pablo's wedding ceremony at the St. Regis Hotel in Mexico City, Mexico. This was the fifth time I officiated a ceremony entirely in Spanish. Here are the personal remarks I shared, followed by an English translation of these remarks:

Pensando en Jenny y en Pablo, me acordé de un héroe literario, uno que pocos conocen, incluso en el mundo judío, llamado Elisha ben Avuyah. Como un anti-héroe en el Talmud, el libro de 60 volúmenes sobre la ley y las tradiciones, se habla de él en ocasiones como “Acher”, que en Hebreo significa “otro”, y que es probablemente una amalgama de dos personas reales.

¿Qué fue tan especial sobre Elisha? Bueno, fue uno de los estudiosos más importantes de la Torah en el periodo durante y después de la destrucción de Jerusalem en el Siglo primero. Esta era una época en que nadie sabía si el judaísmo sobreviviría. Las tradiciones judías, que llevamos hasta este mismo día, fueron fundadas durante este periodo crucial. Elisha fue parte de este esfuerzo y sus enseñanzas son el núcleo del Pensamiento Talmúdico, como fue entregado a su discípulo, el Rabino Meir.

Y después, rompió con la tradición. Las leyendas talmúdicas varían de nuevo en el por qué, y ya que no vieron este acto positivamente, son de dudoso valor en asegurar exactamente qué ocurrió. Lo que parece cierto, sin embargo, como muchas tradiciones talmúdicas admiten con disgusto, es que él no se separó de los estándares del cumplimiento judío que aún se estaban desarrollando, por tener alguna falla moral o de carácter.

Por el contrario, ellos admiten que rompió con la tradición, porque no estuvo de acuerdo con algunas de las bases filosóficas que los rabinos talmúdicos como él fueron poniendo como fundamentos del judaísmo futuro. También, quería buscar las respuestas que no podía hallar en lo que él consideró era un campo muy estrecho. Fue el mismo estudio intelectual en el que estaba comprometido, el que lo apartó. Tenía que ser honesto consigo mismo, expandir sus horizontes, y seguir sus propias conclusiones intelectuales.

Quizá es por esto que el Rabino Meir, para el asombro de otros rabinos, continuó estudiando con él. De hecho, el Talmud cuenta una fascinante historia sobre una sesión de estudio entre ambos personajes. Esta parte en especial es la que me hizo pensar en Jenny y en Pablo. La historia nos cuenta que un día de Shabat, Elisha estaba montando a caballo, (un acto prohibido para la tradición judía en este día de descanso), y el Rabino Meir caminaba a su lado, mientras analizaban las complejidades de un texto. Elisha hizo una pausa en un punto y le dijo al Rabino Meir que ha contado los pasos del caballo, y que ha llegado al límite en que uno puede caminar en Shabat, y que por esta razón el Rabino debería de regresar. El Rabino contestó con una expresión de muchas interpretaciones: “Regresa conmigo”. Con esto se refirió no solamente a que su gran maestro debería de regresar a la ciudad, sino que debería de regresar a la tradición judía.

La leyenda talmúdica termina con diferentes tipos de respuestas en las que Elisha se expresa con dificultad, supuestamente admitiendo que debería regresar pero que no puede. Claro, esta es la forma en la que los rabinos cuentan la historia. Yo, sin embargo, pienso que hay una razón legítima para leer el final de forma distinta.

La historia en el Talmud es contada desde el punto de vista del Rabino Meir. No obstante, volteemos la mirada y cambiemos de lentes, y pensemos la historia desde el punto de vista de Elisha. Primero que nada, ¿por qué ha decidido continuar sus estudios con su alumno, el Rabino Meir? Bueno, sería legítimo deducir que él ama estudiar. Ama la búsqueda intelectual por su propio bien, y por el conocimiento filosófico profundo que se encuentra en éste. Y no solamente se dedicó a estudiar por su cuenta, sino que siempre enseñó a su estudiante, el Rabino Meir, porque enseñar es la mejor forma para que uno mismo aprenda.

Pero hay más cosas aquí. Elisha se conecta más con los aspectos intelectuales y culturales de su tradición, y no tanto con los aspectos religiosos de ésta. Sin embargo, por el gran amor por su estudiante, es considerado y respetuoso con el hecho de que el Rabino Meir se relacione más con los aspectos religiosos de la fe.

No obstante, cuando el Rabino Meir le pide que regrese a la tradición, yo imagino a Elisha sonriéndole desde su caballo, con una sonrisa llena de un amor profundo y un significado todavía más profundo. Con esa sonrisa, le dice al Rabino Meir, que aunque lo quiere mucho, no puede regresar. Él ha establecido una visión del mundo sensata y firme, igual de legítima que la del Rabino Meir. Ellos ven el mundo de forma distinta. Él está tan cómodo en su perspectiva secular del mundo como el Rabino Meir está en su perspectiva religiosa del mundo. Y aún así, pueden coexistir. Incluso imagino a Elisha mirando desde su caballo 2000 años hacia el futuro, en donde un acercamiento a la vida como éste prevalece.

Ahora, ¿Por qué la historia de Jenny y Pablo me hizo pensar en la historia de Elisha?, bueno, en parte debería ya de ser obvio. Solamente hay que leer entre las líneas. ¡Jenny y Pablo les pueden enseñar cómo!

Pero elaboraré algunos puntos. Ellos dos se reunieron por el estudio, por una búsqueda intelectual, y por el amor al aprendizaje mismo. Y sé, que si las últimas 251 parejas que he casado los hubieran conocido, no se ofenderían si digo que ellos seguramente son la pareja más inteligente que he casado hasta ahora!

Sin embargo, los estudios y la inteligencia tienen un límite en el camino. Puedes vivir una vida bifurcada y muchos lo hacen, en donde conclusiones intelectuales se mantienen a raya. Este no es el caso de Jenny y Pablo. Ellos han sido valientes en sus estudios e intrépidos en su búsqueda intelectual, como Elisha, siendo intensamente honestos con ellos mismos, llevando estos estudios a sus conclusiones lógicas. Y, como Elisha, ven en el estudiar juntos y en la enseñanza, en muchos entornos diferentes, el mejor camino para alcanzar alturas intelectuales.

Pero la parte más importante es el resto de la historia. Jenny y Pablo rinden homenaje a sus respectivos trasfondos a través de esta misma ceremonia. No obstante, están en un camino ligeramente distinto, uno que se teje dentro de las tradiciones que reconocen. Este camino, arraigado en un intelecto profundo, fundado en un estudio cuidadoso, y comprometido en el pensamiento y discurso actuales, es el camino que abrazan hoy, y el camino que seguirán en el futuro, con el más profundo amor por todos ustedes, su familia y amigos.

English Translation:

Thinking about Jenny and Pablo, I was reminded of one of my personal literary heroes, one few people even in the Jewish world know of, Elisha ben Avuyah. As an anti-hero in the Talmud, the great 60 volume book of law and lore, he is sometimes referred to as "Acher", which is Hebrew for "Other", and is probably an amalgamation of two actual real life people.

What was so special about Elisha? Well, he was one of the giants of Torah scholarship in the period during and after the destruction of Jerusalem in the First Century. This was a time when no one knew if Judaism would survive. The traditions Judaism lives with to this very day were laid down during that crucial period. Elisha was part of this effort, and his teachings are at the core of Talmudic Thought, as handed down to his disciple, Rabbi Meir.

And then, he broke with tradition. The Talmudic legends once again vary as to why, and since they did not view this act positively, they are of dubious value in ascertaining exactly what happened. What seems clear, though, as most Talmudic traditions begrudgingly admit, is that he did not turn away from the still developing standards of Jewish observance, because he had any moral or character flaw.

On the contrary, they admit that he broke with tradition, because he disagreed with some of the philosophical underpinnings that the Talmudic Rabbis like him were laying as the foundation of future Judaism. He also wanted to look for the answers he could not find in what he found too narrow a field. It was the very intellectual study he was engaged in, that turned him away. He had to be honest with himself, widen his horizons, and follow his intellectual conclusions.

Perhaps because of this, Rabbi Meir, to the consternation of the other Rabbis, continued to study with him. In fact the Talmud recounts a fascinating story about such a study session. This study session specifically is the one that made me think of Jenny and Pablo. It tells us that one Sabbath Elisha was riding a horse (an act forbidden by Jewish tradition on the day of rest) and Rabbi Meir was walking beside him, as they dissected the intricacies of a text. Elisha paused at one point, and told Rabbi Meir that he had counted the horse's strides, and having reached the boundary beyond which one should not travel on the Sabbath, Rabbi Meir should turn back. Rabbi Meir responded, in a multi-layered expression, "Return with me." In this he meant that his great teacher should not only return to town, but return to living by the laws of the Jewish tradition.

Now, the Talmudic legends end with different types of mealy mouthed responses of Elisha, supposedly admitting that he should but cannot. Of course, that is the way Rabbis tell the story. I, however, think there is legitimate reason to read the end differently.

The story in the Talmud is, as to be expected, told from the point of view of Rabbi Meir. However, let's switch the lens, and think about this from the point of view of Elisha. First of all, why has he continued to study with his student, Rabbi Meir? Well, it would be legitimate to deduce that he loves to study. He loves the intellectual pursuit for its own sake, and for the deep philosophical inquiry involved with it. And he did not just engage in study on his own. He kept teaching his student, Rabbi Meir, because teaching is the best way for you yourself to learn.

There is more here, though. Elisha himself connects to the intellectual and cultural aspects of his tradition, and not so much the religious aspects of this tradition. However, due to his great love for his student, he is mindful and respectful of the fact that Rabbi Meir connects to those religious aspects of the faith.

However, when Rabbi Meir asks him to return to tradition, I imagine him smiling down him from atop the horse, with a smile full of deep love and deeper meaning. With that smile he tells Rabbi Meir that though he still greatly loves him, he can't really return. He has established a firm and well thought out world-view, as legitimate as Rabbi Meir's. They see the world differently. He is as comfortable in his secular world-view as Rabbi Meir is in his religious point of view, and they can co-exist. I even imagine Elisha looking from atop his horse 2000 years into the future, where such an approach to life prevails.

Now, why did Jenny and Pablo's story make me think of Elisha's story? Well, in part it should be obvious already. Just read between the lines. Jenny and Pablo can show you how!

However, allow me to elaborate on a few points. These two came together because of study, because of intellectual pursuit, because of learning for learning's sake. And, I know that if the previous 251 couples I have married knew them, they would not be offended by my saying that they are positively the smartest couple I have married so far!

However, smarts and studies will only take you so far. You can and many do live bifurcated lives, where intellectual conclusions are kept at bay. Not so with Jenny and Pablo. They have been brave in their studies and fearless in their intellectual pursuits, like Elisha remaining fiercely honest with themselves, following these studies to their logical conclusions. And, like Elisha, they see studying together and teaching, in many different settings, as the best way to reach intellectual heights.

But the most important part is the rest of the story. Jenny and Pablo pay homage to their respective backgrounds through this very ceremony. However, they are on a slightly different path, one weaved within the traditions they acknowledge. This path, rooted in deep intellect, founded on careful study, and engaged in ongoing thought and discourse, is the path they embrace today, and the path they will continue to follow tomorrow, with the deepest love for all of you, their family and friends.