Here are words I shared with Deborah and David, a wonderful couple, this last Saturday night in Frisco (my 68th wedding, so far, but only the 2nd one in our beautiful city). It was such a special wedding with their four great kids, all in their 20s, on hand:
Ask Deborah and David to describe their relationship. They will tell you they share so much in common. They are both gentle spiritual people who are close to their families, and friends and community play a very important part in their lives. They share a true sense of adventure, love to travel and love nature.
When they described this to me, a very specific Yiddish word came to mind, beschert, which is one of those uniquely meaty Yiddish words, that one cannot fully translate into English. Beschert can best be defined as “meant to be”, “made in heaven”, or even “soul mate”.
That said, that is not the whole story. When Deborah and David describe their relationship, they also say that they recognize their differences, and rather than let these differences stand between them, they seek to harness them to enhance their relationship. This is the true secret of a successful relationship. Deborah and David realize that even if we were to accept the description of the rabbis, even if you truly feel like you have found your soul-mate, you have to invest in your relationship, you have to nurture it. You have to be true to yourself and your mate about your respective strengths and weaknesses. You have to strive to truly learn from one another, and compliment each other.
Deborah and David, thank you for reminding us of how one can and should live in that hallowed of all relationships, marriage. Hold on to that. Wake up every morning, look into each other’s eyes with the resolve to continue to cherish that happiness and love you have found with each other, and I have no doubt, your bond will remain unbreakable.