Ready and Excited

On Saturday evening, October 22, 2022, Father Michael Mills and I co-officiated Allison and Jordan’s wedding ceremony at the Dallas Arboretum in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I’ve always been intrigued by couples’ origin stories. The way Jordan tells the story of how he met Allison is, well, I’ll just quote him: “Allie’s probably going to tell you a story of how we met at her birthday, and then eventually over time we finally started dating and the rest was magic from there. She will be lying! She did not remember me after the first two times we met. Crazy right?

I met Allie twice before she remembered who I was, although I couldn’t forget her. One of my roommates… was invited to [attend] her birthday and [asked] to bring friends. In her defense, it was her birthday, drinks were flowing, and I was just a stranger who showed up through a friend…

The second time we met was at a bar. We were chatting briefly, and then my other friend started venting to her about this girl he was in love with, etc., etc., and Allie being kind and empathetic listened to it for what must have been over an hour. They did end up getting married, so I guess Allie gave some good advice, but like c’mon, I’m trying to talk to this pretty girl. 

Finally, next time we were at a sports bar for the big Texas vs OU football game.  Here, we hit it off, and I think there’s even a photo from our ‘first’ time meeting.  Finally, I made an impression!”  

Allison is quick to defend herself: “Jordan and I met in April 2016 at my birthday party… My best guy friend from UT, Scott, brought his three roommates along to the party. Jordan was one of the roommates.

Maybe it was the nice spring air, the fresh crawfish, or the round of tequila shots we took but after the party was over, Jordan told Scott that he thought I was “cute” and might ask me out. Turns out there was zero urgency behind that statement because it took several more times meeting each other before we finally went on our first date in December of 2016.”

Let’s get down to brass tacks, though. I love Allison and Jordan’s answers to the most important question every person standing before a group like this needs to answer, why do you want to marry this person? These answers are simple and deeply profound at the same time. They clearly reflect not only the deep love they have for each other, but their extremely realistic understanding of what marriage is all about.

Allison says: “Having Jordan in my life makes me lighter. As someone who is easily weighed down by anxiety and everyday worries, Jordan is my constant source of light and happiness. He is funny, goofy, sarcastic and we laugh together every day. He always has my back and supports me but is also the first person to call me out when I’m wrong (and I need that, trust me). He has helped me become a brighter, more confident version of myself and I will always be grateful that we found each other.”

Jordan says: “Minor reason, because she said we can’t get a dog until we’re married.” OK, funny guy. Don’t worry; he quickly redeems himself: “Mainly because I love Allison and want to spend the rest of my life with her. It had been four-ish years of dating, living together, not killing each other during a quarantine/pandemic, and I still loved her just as much as I did when I first met her. I knew the joy it would bring her, and I was ready to take the next step. I don’t think I woke up one day with an epiphany of “I want to marry this girl”, but to me it’s something you decide on over time by going through the ups and downs of a relationship. I felt ready and excited for the next step, and the day I proposed to her – the joy, happiness, surprise, and tears – it was the best day of my life.”

Abide

Sunday morning, I officiated Hayley and Stuart’s wedding ceremony at The Springs, in Aubrey (at the Ranch). Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask each person I marry to write about themselves, and in Stuart’s writing something jumped out at me, immediately, when one specific word repeated itself: Dude. For instance, when he describes his friends, he says that “they are all awesome dudes.”

Stuart is a very laid-back guy. In explaining why he wants to marry Hayley, you can feel that sense of laid back calm, “I want to marry Hayley because we have been together for 4 years and I love her. She is fun to be around and she makes me laugh and I know what kind of person she is deep down. We have been through a lot together. Nothing crazy but definitely a lot over the years.”

Stuart has had an extremely calming effect on Hayley. To wit, she says, “Stuart is truly my very best friend… He always makes me laugh, even when I’m frustrated with him. He has helped me grow emotionally... He is my rock… I feel safe with him, and I know that no matter what life throws at us, we will be able to get through it together. Stuart just brings so much joy to my life, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without him.”

If you still haven’t figured out where I am going with this, yes, I am invoking the extremely Jewish movie, by the Coen Brothers, The Big Lebowski. If you have not seen the movie, whose main character is played by Jeff Bridges, it is subject to many different interpretations, but central to them is a stoic like calmness, embodied in the main character’s motto, “The Dude abides.”

Now, this is a wedding, not a film class, but the movie has very deep lessons for life, and if you look at it closely, its lessons for marriage are lurking right beneath the surface. Incidentally, Jeff Bridges, himself, who as the years have gone by has blurred the lines between actor and character when it comes to this movie, has been married for 45 years.

Let me mention just three lessons very relevant to marriage, that will make sense even if you are unfamiliar with the movie. These are taken from the excellent essay, 10 Most Important Life Lessons from The Big Lebowski:

“Life is unpredictable. You can't predict what will happen. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. You can't have everything. Just deal with it. Don't let it get you down, just accept it as a potentiality every day and live life with the knowledge that not everything can always go your way.

Stress is pointless, and leads to nothing positive, if it can’t be controlled and properly channeled. If you can’t control the situation… Just accept it. Abide…

If life brings you lemons, learn to make lemonade from it. Life is life. Difficult situations, sad moments and unpleasant experiences will come up. Just learn to go with it and don't let it get you down. You can't control everything in life… Move on and enjoy life.”

Thank you, Hayley and Stuart, for reminding us of these important lessons for life and love. May your marriage overflow with happiness and may you both abide.

Kept Each Other Laughing

Sunday morning, I officiated Natalie and Zach’s wedding ceremony at Texas Discovery Gardens, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I’m sure many people met their betrothed at Starbucks, in front of the counter, behind the counter, a mixture of both, but this takes the classic coffee cake, “We worked together at Starbucks, and not only was I his superior, but he mentioned he didn’t want kids, so I crossed him off my potential partners list.” Ouch!

Natalie continues, “Even after mentally crossing him off my list, I developed a crush on him. He’s just so witty, he can clap back so fast, and he pretends to not know what’s going on, then he will know every detail… He has since told me that he does see himself having kids with me. And if that was a line, it was a very good line.”

Now, anecdotally, about 75% of people sitting at Starbucks are people watching and working on their screenplay, so this again, from the other side of the counter sounds appropriate: “I remember what her hair looked like and what she was wearing on the day we met. I remember that she sang a lot, but our first real connection was discovering we were both Jewish. Natalie’s late Zadie was a screenwriter, and I thought this was the coolest thing ever and even came to work the next day asking her if she knew all this miscellaneous trivia about her own grandfather. I don’t know how long I’d had a crush on her when she made the first move…” 

Now, I always ask each person I marry why they want to get married. There are no right or wrong answers to this question. I do think some answers are more Jewish than others, and Natalie’s answer falls into this category: “Because society dictates it? Because it is easier to have kids together? Because having this awesome party combining our two families will be cool? Because this way it will be harder for him to leave me? Because if one of us gets hurt the other can be there?”

Why do I say this answer is very Jewish because the ultimate thing to do in Judaism is to answer a question with a question. Why do Jews answer questions with questions? Simple; why not?

Ultimately, though, Natalie agrees with Zach’s answer, “I grew up surrounded by a lot of happy and healthy marriages, particularly ones with a lot of laughter, and so I’ve always thought to myself, I want one of those. My parents have attributed laughter to be the key to their marriage… I started thinking about marrying Natalie early in our relationship because of the way we kept each other laughing.”

The Talmud relates a story that reminds us how right Natalie and Zach are to attribute such importance to laughter. Rabbi Beroka asks Elijah the prophet if there are any people in the market they are standing in who are destined for heaven. Elijah points out two brothers. Rabbi Beroka asks them what they do. They say to him, “We are jesters, and we cheer up the depressed.” 

Natalie and Zach, hold fast to this lesson, never stop laughing and making each other laugh, and your marriage will give you a taste of heaven.

I’ll Have What They’re Having

Monday afternoon, I officiated Debra and Michael’s wedding ceremony in a hot air balloon over the sky of Collin County, Texas. It was just us. Here are remarks I wrote for the original ceremony on terra firma, and what I planned on sharing with them and their guests, before they decided to do something very different for their ceremony:

I ask every person I marry not only why they want to get married, but why now? I think that that is always a good question to ask, but I feel like it is even more poignant, when it’s a seasoned couple. (Don’t call us old. We’re not. We are seasoned.) 

Debra says, “Finding love with Michael was a gift. Our relationship encompasses all that is truly important to me. He’s my soulmate and I can wait to spend the rest of our lives loving and supporting each other.” Michael says, “I spent two years taking my time to get to know about her values, dreams and needs and knew this was a woman that I not only could, but wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Why now, to quote a movie, which I am always doing, just ask Debra, ‘When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.’”

I find this reference to be particularly intriguing, because unlike Harry and Sally, Debra and Michael’s relationship was romantic from the start. It makes sense, though for a number of reasons. First of all, though Meg Ryan, herself, and Sally Albright, the woman she plays, is clearly not Jewish, everything else about the movie is Jewish. Harry, though this is never mentioned, is Jewish; just check out his order at Katz’s Deli. While Sally orders turkey on white bread, oy vey, Harry orders pastrami and rye, like a good Jew. Of course, Billy Crystal himself is a very Jewey Jew, as was Nora Ephron, as is Rob Reiner, and of course, the best line in the whole movie is uttered in the deli by Reiner’s own very Jewish mother.

However, there is one little known fact about the movie that is emblematic of the beauty of Debra and Michael’s love story. The line Michael uses as his answer was not in the original screenplay. In fact, the original screenplay did not have them falling in love and marrying. Reiner changed this because during the filming, he met his second wife.

Barry Sonnenfeld, the film’s cinematographer, also Jewish, said to Reiner, who had been divorced for a decade, “I know this girl. Her name is Michele Singer (also Jewish), and you’re going to marry her.” They met on set, they fell in love, and they are still married today. Reiner says that that made him change his mind, because he said, “Okay, that’s how it could work for me.” 

Debra and Michael, as the years progress may your love only continue to grow. May you both continue to enjoy the type of relationship the real-life couples at the end of that timeless movie have. And may you continue to inspire other couples to say loudly with conviction, “I’ll have what they are having.”

Predestined

Saturday evening, I officiated Rachel and Zane’s wedding ceremony at the Embassy Suites, in Grapevine, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I have every person I marry write an essay covering their life and spiritual history, why they want to get married and why now. I have read close to 1,000 of these essays already. This was first time such an essay began, “In the interest of sparing you from reading an auto-biography combined with my disinterest in writing one, I will be keeping this section extremely brief.” I mean, I knew Rachel was direct but… Just kidding, that was, of course, Zane.”

Zane’s courtship technique was, well, interesting. “Our first date was ice cream,” he says, “I was a babbling awkward fool, and she mistook that for charisma… On our second date I listed out my traits that could be potentially deal-breaking from her point of view. Again, she mistakenly thought that was charming.” 

Now, Rachel’s technique was more conventional, but apparently it involved swearing a type of blood oath before embarking on her quest. “Sydney, my roommate insisted that if I reached a fourth date, I had to bring the suitor to our apartment for her to meet them. As I was taking Zane home to meet Sydney, he asked how many others had met her. I told him that he was the only one that had made it this far.” 

In hindsight, their falling in love seems predestined. “We felt a connection within the first few dates. We bonded over the important topics of the day,” says Rachel. These are, and I swear I did not make this list up, Lord of the Rings and DND, feminism in literature, theatre, and metal music.

Seriously, though, Rachel and Zane’s love is a testament to the enduring qualities that make a marriage work. As Rachel says, “Since the beginning of the relationship, I really appreciated his honesty and communication skills. We are able to discuss hard topics when they come up and get on the same page. I have great respect for Zane… He shows that he is proud of my work successes which are very important to me despite our agreement that we will never understand what each other’s job entails.”

And, as Zane says, “She is possibly the kindest human being I’ve ever met. She cares so passionately and learning from being with her has undoubtedly made me a better person… the trust between me and her is stronger than any bond I’ve had before.” Finally, he adds, after almost four years of being together, Rachel and I are stronger than ever… If we can handle being locked in the same room for a year straight without fighting, we can handle anything. I see her as my partner, best friend, and soulmate. I feel beyond lucky that she feels the same way.”

Government Paperwork

Monday evening, I officiated Ashley and John’s wedding ceremony at The Balcony Ballroom, in Metairie, Louisiana. Here are the words I shared with them and their guests:

Don't you love government paperwork? What, you don't? Well, you should, because you have it to thank for being here tonight. Yes, some couples meet at a bar, some meet online, others remember gazing across the room, at a party, and locking eyes with the one they would marry. Not, this couple, though...

Listen to how John tells it: "I was changing departments at work, and while checking out of one department, I needed her signature (among many others). She was the only one who answered her phone, so I went to her office." Now, if that is not the stuff of bodice rippers, I don't know what is...

Of course, humor aside, the truth is, that it does not matter how you meet. And, I did leave out the slightly more interesting part of the story. Ashley happened to be wearing a t shirt, rather than her military blouse that day, due to the heat, so John saw her tattoos, and he being no body ink slouch himself struck up a conversation, and they compared notes, or skin, as it may be.

Regardless, that type of initial meeting is just fate; there is little you can do to control that. What matters is, what happens next. Do you just squander the moment, or do you act on that fateful encounter, and forge it into destiny?

This couple chose the latter. As Ashley says, "There was an instant connection. Since the day we have met, we have spoken, literally, every day... John and I have traded some of our deepest, most personal secrets, stories and fears... It's almost like we can read each other's minds." Wow. They did NOT squander the moment.

And, though I said humor aside, you have to have humor to make a relationship truly great. As Ashley says, "We make fun of each other, in a loving way... He knows every single button of mine, and he pushes them to no end... I know all his triggers too, so it can get fun."

That tells me, that this is a very mature relationship, which means that, though Ashley and John are very much in love, it is not just love they share. They share a deep friendship too. As John indeed says, "Ashley is above anything else, my very best friend... Our dynamic is stellar." That is why Ashley can comfortably say, "Before John, I never really thought I would get married, but after being with John, I now know I could not marry anyone else."

Act Justly, Love Kindness, and Walk Humbly

Sunday evening, I officiated Hallie and Paul's wedding ceremony at the Classic Oaks Ranch, in Mansfield, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every couple to write about themselves. One of the questions I ask them to address is why they want to marry. Listen to part of Hallie's answer: "Before Paul and I began to date, I had already made up my mind that he had the qualities of the person that I wanted to marry. Had I not already decided that I wanted to marry him, I would not have started dating him."

Well, now. That is not an answer you hear every day! Of course, humor aside, this totally makes sense. But for that, to paraphrase what Paul Harvey used to say, you need to know the rest of the story.

There is certainly no right or wrong way to meet the love of your life. Perhaps there are as many as there are love stories. However, most if not all of us, get to spend time with the person who we fall in love with in short spurts of time. After all, life continues with all of its daily obligations and tasks. Though, we might be swept off of our feet, the world continues to turn.

Well, that is unless you are Hallie and Paul. Have you ever lost your job, only to say in hindsight, that it was the best thing that ever happened to you. Well, move over, because Paul has you beat. Listen to this: "As fate would have it, I was put off work for a few months... just when Hallie began establishing her practice... I would spend my days at the barn volunteering... Hallie and I began spending time together as I helped her around the barn... We really began to bond when she acquired two miniature horses for her play therapy sessions. The "minis" came in pretty rough shape, and we spent time together getting them used to being around humans and then desensitizing them to activities that could take place during sessions."

Hallie elaborates a little more, "We spent the better part of the day, several days a week, for several weeks working with the “minis.” Over time, we began to have more and more serious discussions and I knew that I had met the man that I wanted to marry. Paul was exactly the man who I had been looking for – kind, open, accepting of me, intelligent, funny, and someone who liked horses!"

What is it we look for in a mate? Our shared tradition had the best, simplest, most universal answer. In the Book of Micah, we are told that the best course of human behavior is to, "act justly, love kindness, and walk humbly". But how do you know if a person fits that bill? After all, we all put on a little bit of a show when we interact socially, especially with a potential romantic partner? How do you, in the words of the great Madonna (the singer, not the saint..), "put your love to the test?"

Now, in my days of teaching middle school and high school, I used to tell the kids, especially the girls, that when they go on a date to check how their date treats... the waitress. I mean, for you they could be putting on a show, but their true self will show from how they treat that other person, over whom they have a tiny bit of authority for a small sliver of time. That can really tell them about that person. Still, because those circumstances are limited, even that is of limited utility.

Hallie and Paul show us a better method. Unlike Dr. Sheade, I am no social scientist, not of animal nor of human behavior. However, I cannot think of a better way of really getting to know a person to the core of their being, than through working together with animals who have suffered. Think again about those very words, and now think back to those weeks Hallie and Paul spent together. They each got to observe if the other could indeed, really and truly "act justly, love kindness, and walk humbly".

I don't know if this experiment can be replicated. Certainly, most of us will never have the chance to test this theory. However, I truly believe that Hallie and Paul show us the best way possible to get to know someone, especially that someone, with whom we will then spend the rest of our lives.

Creation and Evolution

Sunday evening I officiated Kim and Chris’s wedding at Cityplace in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I always ask couples two questions that coming from anybody else in any other circumstance, would be considered highly rude. Why do you want to get married, and why now? These are really important questions, and couples should know how to answer them, for their own sake. As you might imagine, I get a huge variety of answers. However, Chris' answer to this question stands out, even among the myriad of other grooms who quote Ancient Greek philosophers:

"Plato wrote that humans were once male and female and had four arms four legs. Zeus was threatened by humans, and so he split them into two beings. From then every human would forever long for his or her other half, the other half of his or her soul. It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified, that they would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that. Nothing," ends Chris, "better describes how I feel about Kimmy and why I want to marry her and marry her now."

Wow. Isn't that cool?! I am not entirely sure, but I think this is why Kim calls Chris her lobster. (They have four legs right?) Then again, how much can a rabbi really understand about seafood...?

Now the interesting thing is that this legend exists in the Judeo-Christian tradition too. In fact, it lies at the heart of the often misunderstood second creation story in Genesis. The way we usually understand the story is that God takes one of Adam's ribs and builds from it woman. However, a closer reading of the Hebrew reveals that this translation, found in the King James Bible is wrong. The words for rib and side are interchangeable, and the correct interpretation is that God slices the primordial Adam into two - two sides that were up until then one.

Now, you might ask, if this story found both in Plato's writings and in the Hebrew Bible reflects a certain truth, why is it that we don't all experience love at first sight, when we find that other half? Kim and Chris in their stories about themselves and each other address that, in fact. For though there are beautiful lessons to be learned from creation myths, we know as Judaism and Episcopalian Christianity acknowledge, that this world was not created, ad nihilo. None of our worlds spring fully grown out of nothing, and that is a good thing. This world, all worlds, in the collective sense and the individual sense, evolve. Kim vividly describes how she had to evolve to the point, where she could seek her long lost half, Chris. Chris vividly describes how he had to evolve to the point, where he could seek his long lost half, Kim. And when they came together, they did indeed feel that unspoken understanding of one another, but they still had to evolve as a couple. With time, with growth, with learning, with faith, and with love of themselves and of each other, they evolved and reached that moment of unity, where they would know no greater joy.

In this, in the tension we must exist in, between finding what and who was created for us, and that towards which we must evolve, Kim and Chris teach us a huge lesson, one we would all do well to heed.

Lucky I’m in Love with My Best Friend

Yesterday (10/11) I officiated Marcie and Matt’s wedding ceremony at Waldorf Astoria, in Orlando, Florida. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

We are interesting organisms, us human beings. We look out at the world around us with a jaundiced view. We see patterns, where there are none. We see plans, when it is the unplanned that beckons. We see answers, where questions reign supreme.

Why do we do this? Richard Dawkins surmises that it is because we are the descendants of the humanoids who saw the tornado, the hurricane, the storm, vested them with agency, and ran. The humanoids who did not, just thought about it, and engaged in deeper analysis, did not run, and so were wiped out. So we really need to fight our evolutionary tendency, just to help us face reality. However, if we are able to do so, this can lead to greater appreciation and gratitude, for the good fortune we have found.

So, even though Marcie says that not meeting her beloved, "almost seems like an impossible outcome because I can’t comprehend a circumstance where I wouldn’t be spending my life with Matt," this does not mean she imbues anyone with agency for having made that happen. In fact,  that would have cheapened it for her. Instead she sees in her life, "an overarching theme... of luck, gratitude and appreciation," of her good fortune.

Matt too talks about how lucky we are to be here, that that is to be cherished, and that that is what makes life magical.  As Matt reminds us, "If I rewound the clock 100 million years ago and told you what would have to happen for you to be standing here today, you’d say that would be impossible." "Based on that alone," Matt reminds us, "we should wake up every day feeling very special, insanely fortunate, and immensely appreciative that we get to take part in another day of life.  How incredibly lucky we are to simply be breathing and can experience love, joy, happiness, fulfillment, and even the negative feelings that make us appreciate the good ones."

And arguably, the greatest fulfillment and joy you can feel, is in Matt's words, "walking down the aisle about to marry your best friend," not because someone pre-ordained it, but because you have hit the jackpot. Indeed, in Marcie's words, living life, "as fully as possible means so much more if you get LUCKY enough to have your best friend by your side to share it all with."

Marcie and Matt, what we wish for you, is that as the years go by, and your love evolves, you continue to feel as fortunate as you do today, because in the words of the song by Jason Mraz, each of you can say, "Lucky, I'm in love with my best friend."

Sharing, Caring and Respecting

Yesterday (Saturday 11/24) I officiated Jessica and Micah's wedding at the Plaza in Durant, Oklahoma. Jessica loves the teachings of the late Lubavitcher Rebbe, so my remarks centered on some of his words of wisdom:

I ask each couple I marry to write a short essay about themselves, and specifically to touch upon why they want to marry their soul mate. I loved reading what Jessica and Micah wrote. They talk about the deep sense of partnership they share as lovers and parents. They talk about how much they value and respect each other. They emphasize how much they care for each other, and how they each savor and treasure the caring they each get from the other. Jessica writes that Micah “is so loving and caring, often times putting the needs of Ariella and me before his own… Micah is an excellent father. He works tremendously hard to put food on our table… but most of all, so that I can stay at home to raise Ariella properly.” Micah writes in turn, “Jessica is always there for me, to help me, to listen, and to give me advice. She takes wonderful care of me at all times.”

This reminded me of the advice Jessica’s favorite rabbi, Rabbi Menchem Mendel Schneersohn, gave a young woman regarding finding true love. Here is what this sage told the young woman. Listen to this; these words are gold:

“Real love is an experience that intensifies throughout life. It is the small, everyday acts of being together that makes love flourish. It is sharing, caring, and respecting one another. It is building a life together, a family and a home. As two lives unite to form one, over time, there is a point where each partner feels they are a part of the other, where each partner can no longer visualize life without the other.”

Incredible. Having spent time with Jessica and Micah, it is as if the Rebbe is talking about them, and describing their relationship. Jessica and Micah, what is it we wish for you? That you continue to live your life in exactly this fashion, sharing, caring and respecting one another, united together as one.

The Number One Job of Every Faith Community

When someone asks me to officiate their wedding, I first ask the person to tell me about him or herself, and his or her partner. Second, I ask the person to tell me about their vision for their wedding. Third, I ask why it is important to them that a rabbi officiate their wedding. I get many different answers to this last question. Many times the Jewish partner will tell me that there is no way it could be different for them; it just feels natural. This was the answer that Renee gave me, right after she told me that technically she was not really Jewish since she never converted! She definitely piqued my curiosity. I had to hear more!

Last week I officiated Renee and Brian’s wedding at a very special location, the Jewish wing of the historic Main Post Chapel at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas. This building was dedicated in 1909 by then President Howard Taft. It has plaques commemorating chaplains, officers, and servicemen and women of the recent and not so recent past. You really feel a sense of the past of our armed forces in the building. Renee and Brian, veteran and current service member respectively, felt just right in this hallowed building, as they are a very special couple. Here are the words I shared with them and their guests:

Once you hear Renee’s story in detail and Renee and Brian’s story together, it all makes sense, and has a deeper lesson imbedded in it too. Renee was attracted to the Jewish scene in her youth, and felt very comfortable and supported there. She felt so welcome, that when she joined the army she put down her religion as Jewish. Once again, she felt welcome and supported by fellow Jewish soldiers. Unfortunately, she suffered an injury early on, and had to do a fitness test to move to a different unit. She was very fearful that she would fail the test, or even reinjure herself. Then the Jewish chaplain showed up unannounced, took the test with her, and cheered her on the whole way, till she passed. Obviously, this event made its mark on Renee, and deepened her sense of connection to the Jewish People. This is what brought Renee and Brian to attending their local synagogue today together. They both feel very much at home there. So, of course, it was going to be a rabbi, who would marry them!

In their story Renee and Brian highlight an aspect that is tremendously important for every faith community. Before we think about theology, before we talk about religious practice, before we even mention worship, we must bring comfort. Our most important function as faith communities is to make people comfortable, to bring comfort, to support others. The cool thing about Renee and Brian, is that this is the way they both live their lives. You may not hear them say it, because these are two very modest people. However, if we were able to talk to that chaplain, who ran with her, and her fellow Jewish soldiers, you just know that they would say that Renee is one of the most supportive people they knew. If you would ask Brian’s airmen, and for that matter, if you could ask his canine colleagues over the last 15 years, you just know they would say that this is a guy, who just puts people and animals at ease, and makes them feel comfortable. This is a guy, who will have your back.

Renee and Brian, we are blessed as a community to have you as part of it. We encourage you, as individuals and as a couple to continue growing, to continue setting a great example, and to continue to provide aid, comfort and support to each other and to those around you.

Kristin and Brian – Their Differences Strengthen Them

I wanted to point out two facts about Kristin and Brian, that when juxtaposed, remind us of something fundamental and important. Anyone who knows Kristin will tell you how devout she is, how her faith in Jesus permeates her daily life. Anyone who knows Brian will tell you how growing up with few Jews around him strengthened his commitment to the Jewish People, and made Judaism central to his identity.

Now listen to what each says about the other. Brian says, “I love her passion for what she does and that no matter how bad of a day we might be having, all we need is to hear each other’s voice and we begin to feel better. Kristin makes me laugh all the time and has many of the same priorities that I do. We both are very family oriented. We both enjoy just having a nice quiet relaxing evening together… We both love to travel and experience new things in new cities… I am so excited to have Kristin be a part of my family and have me be a part of hers.” Kristin says, “Brian is… is my best friend. When I look at him, I see someone that I am excited about spending the rest of my life with. Even when we are just hanging out at my apartment watching television I am excited to be with him. I also see the man that I want to be the father of my children. I am ready to marry Brian now because I am excited to take our relationship to yet another level and grow together as husband and wife.”

Kristin and Brian remind us of something that should be obvious, simple, almost simplistic, yet so missing today. We can agree to disagree. We each can have strong beliefs that we are passionate about, and still share love and happiness together. More than that, as Kristin and Brian will each tell you, our differences can actually strengthen our bond, our spirituality, and our individual faiths. So, I feel we owe you, Kristin and Brian, a debt of gratitude for reminding us of this important idea. Let us all heed your message and follow your example in our private and public lives, and through that make this world a better place.