Lauren and Martin - Lovers, Best Friends and Creative Partners

The second wedding I officiated this last Saturday was the wedding of Lauren and Martin. These are two of the most creative people I have ever met. Lauren is a filmmaker and Martin is a writer. They have had to live in two different states for the last few months due to Lauren’s acceptance into a prestigious filming program, while Martin finishes up his exclusive MFA program, hundreds of miles away. On a personal note, when I was thinking about not only their love, but also their creative partnership, I was reminded of my parents’ creative partnership. I can actually tell which parts of the introduction to my dad’s magnum opus were written before my mom’s death, and which after, because that partnership was so pronounced. Likewise, Liat’s touch can be seen in my writing too. So, what I saw in Lauren and Martin was something warmly familiar. Here is what I shared with them and their guests:

What struck me about Lauren and Martin is that these are two people, who in their lives as individuals and as a couple, were not afraid to take that road less traveled. They have repeatedly shown that if you take the time to figure out what you really want to do, and then you relentlessly pursue that passion, you can live a dream that is truly your own. When you live your life like this, when you follow your dreams, it takes the edge off of difficulties, and it makes each success sweeter. Not only that, it makes it clear that true meaning, that true happiness can be found when your dream is not only wrapped in the destination you seek, but in the journey you travel.

Now, many couples share love and happiness, while their professional lives may not be an integral part of their shared journey. And that is OK. There is nothing wrong with that. Lauren and Martin, however, have a different and additional dimension to their relationship, one that makes it run deeper, one that causes their lives to be more deeply intertwined, even when a few hundred miles separate them like in the last few months. Their journey is one of mutually influenced creativity. Lauren’s filmmaking is better because Martin is in her life, and Martin’s writing is richer because Lauren is in his life. Many future spouses may describe their future mates as their lovers and best friends, as Lauren and Martin do, when speaking of each other. Lauren and Martin add something that only a few future spouses mention. They talk about how they serve for each other as muses, as inspirations, as creative supporters, nay, creative partners.

So, Lauren and Martin, thank you. Thank you for reminding showing us how deep a relationship can run. Thank you for setting a great example in your personal and professional lives. Now, look into each other’s eyes. As the years go by, take a moment here and there to do what you are doing right now, to look into each other’s eyes, and realize your fortune, that you have made your dreams a reality, that you have found and continue to have by your side, your best friend, your lover, your creative partner.

Natalya and Bret – Let’s Be Explicit Here

One of the great things about living in Texas, and I have personally lived on three continents, is that people are really really nice. Criticism is rarely heard, people tend to have a smile on their face, and cashiers still address you (or me) as “Hon(ey)”. Of course, the flip side of that is that understatement is king, even when it should not be. So, you will hear, “Oh, Jimmy (question mark, voice going up), his heart is in the right place,” which really means he is hard to get along with. Other times you will hear, “Oh, Mike (question mark, voice going up), he is a really hard worker,” which means he is not the greatest family man. You might even hear, “Oh, Susie, she comes from a great family,” which means that she, the apple, has unfortunately fallen a little far from the tree.

Now, you may be asking yourselves at this point, well, so what, and what does this have to do with what we can learn from Natalya and Bret. Well, I am glad you asked. You see, the downside of softened criticism is that when you have individuals who really have their hearts in the right place, who really treat their families and friends exquisitely well, and who really make their families and friends proud just to be associated with them, your praise of them might sound faint. You see, I believe anyone who interacts with Natalya and Bret, comes away thinking, “Wow, these are good people, these are two individuals who I can count on, these are people who show how a loving couple should behave to each other, this is a couple, who I can point to my kids as a positive example to my kids.”

Let us, therefore, not be shy. Let us point out to others, what a great, compassionate, humble and kind couple Natalya and Bret are. Let us learn to continue practicing what might be called Texas nice, but let us not forget that that means we need to be more explicit in our praise, if we and our families are to look up to positive examples of behavior like the loving couple we celebrate with today.

Kristin and Brian – Their Differences Strengthen Them

I wanted to point out two facts about Kristin and Brian, that when juxtaposed, remind us of something fundamental and important. Anyone who knows Kristin will tell you how devout she is, how her faith in Jesus permeates her daily life. Anyone who knows Brian will tell you how growing up with few Jews around him strengthened his commitment to the Jewish People, and made Judaism central to his identity.

Now listen to what each says about the other. Brian says, “I love her passion for what she does and that no matter how bad of a day we might be having, all we need is to hear each other’s voice and we begin to feel better. Kristin makes me laugh all the time and has many of the same priorities that I do. We both are very family oriented. We both enjoy just having a nice quiet relaxing evening together… We both love to travel and experience new things in new cities… I am so excited to have Kristin be a part of my family and have me be a part of hers.” Kristin says, “Brian is… is my best friend. When I look at him, I see someone that I am excited about spending the rest of my life with. Even when we are just hanging out at my apartment watching television I am excited to be with him. I also see the man that I want to be the father of my children. I am ready to marry Brian now because I am excited to take our relationship to yet another level and grow together as husband and wife.”

Kristin and Brian remind us of something that should be obvious, simple, almost simplistic, yet so missing today. We can agree to disagree. We each can have strong beliefs that we are passionate about, and still share love and happiness together. More than that, as Kristin and Brian will each tell you, our differences can actually strengthen our bond, our spirituality, and our individual faiths. So, I feel we owe you, Kristin and Brian, a debt of gratitude for reminding us of this important idea. Let us all heed your message and follow your example in our private and public lives, and through that make this world a better place.