Friendship and Unwavering Love

On Saturday, September 7, 2024, I officiated Alysa and Zach’s wedding ceremony at Second District Brew Farm in Milanville, Pennsylvania. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

None of us can really control how we meet our spouse, but if you end up doing it like Alyssa and Zach, consider yourself lucky.

Alyssa says: “Zach and I initially crossed paths as colleagues… Our interaction was minimal until an invitation to his department's team lunch prompted me to formally introduce myself. Despite Zach's reserved nature, I extended an invitation for drinks, recognizing his need for companionship in a new city. Our friendship blossomed as we explored Houston together, sharing our thoughts and experiences. I offered him guidance in navigating the dating scene, even as he contemplated his career trajectory and applied to business schools across the country.”

Zach pinpoints one significant aspect of their friendship: “She was so sweet and friendly but also someone who challenged how I saw the world.” That may be the most important thing a friend can do for another friend, but even more importantly romantic partners can do for each other. 

Alyssa continues: “Eventually, we both moved on from our company, with me securing a position in The Woodlands, Texas, and Zach finding employment in Stamford, Connecticut. Despite the physical distance, our bond remained strong, and occasional conversations kept us connected.” 

One thing led to another. Zach says: “Our hearts grew fonder for each other miles apart and eventually found ourselves dating each other in a long-distance relationship during COVID-19, something we both thought wouldn’t be possible when we were friends.”

What is the secret of their relationship today? Alyssa speaks for both of them when she says: “I found companionship and security in him… Zach is my best friend and my partner in crime. He regards me as someone whose ideas, feelings, and thoughts hold significance and validity. His kindness and patience are unwavering. With his sense of humor, warmth, and affection, he brings joy and comfort into my life. While he exudes self-assurance and competence, he remains humble and devoid of egotism. 

We share a deep connection on multiple levels. His playfulness and sweetness add a delightful dimension to our relationship. He is not just my best friend but also the greatest blessing in my life. His presence inspires me to continually strive to bring happiness to his life, and I am grateful every day that he chose me. Even in the face of adversity, I am confident that the foundation of our marriage—our friendship and unwavering love—will endure.”

Zach agrees: “Alyssa and I have been dating for several years and living together in Houston for almost two years. Our strong foundation as friends has transformed into a shared desire to be life partners. We’ve raised an amazing loving dog (Trevi) together and are looking to grow our small family and pass down our shared values to the next generation... I can’t imagine developing a family without Alyssa and I can’t wait to exchange our vows.”

Challenge Each Other

On Friday, August 23, 2024, I officiated Helen and Pavlo’s wedding ceremony at Esma Sultan Yalisi in Istanbul, Turkey. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

To say that Helen and Pavlo have dissident backgrounds might be the understatement of understatements. 

Helen says about her grandparents, that despite their distaste for organized religion, Jewish culture did play a significant role in their household and ethics. They were active in the anti-war and civil rights movement and had a strong sense of social responsibility. They were friends with members of the Black Panthers, Angela Davis, and Howard Zinn. They hosted Martin Luther King at their house in California a few weeks before he was killed. 

Jewish culture motivated this in many ways. They began a group called Individuals Against the Crime of Silence to oppose the war in Vietnam. Their reference point was the Holocaust and the Nuremberg Trials, and the fact that following orders or remaining silent could render an individual culpable.

Pavlo was raised Greek Catholic. His church was persecuted during the Soviet period and continued to exist underground. His paternal grandfather studied theology in the 1930s and was in touch with many clandestine church leaders. Pavlo’s father was part of the clandestine movement that was advocating for freedom of religion, human rights, and independence of Ukraine. 

In 1986 (Pavlo was 3 years old at that time) their home was searched, and his father was arrested. His parents were clandestinely married, and Pavlo was clandestinely baptized by a priest who had previously spent more than a decade in a Siberian prison and forced exile. So, for his family, their religious and national tradition is important; it is something they personally fought for. 

Pavlo presciently adds, “Perhaps there is a parallel between the Jews and Ukrainians—two peoples who survived while being under oppression, and who kept their traditions while lacking, for centuries, political sovereignty.” 

To many of you attending today, and to many who could not attend, this is not some kind of theoretical idea. It is very real. As we speak, Ukraine, under a Jewish president, fights not only for its political sovereignty, but for its life and the lives of its citizens.

And Helen and Pavlo have found the similarities and differences they share on an individual level just as enriching. They will tell you that they have spent days discussing faith and religion and Judeo-Christian relations. They disagree on most issues, which, to a large extent, helps them see things deeper, and ask questions they would have never asked otherwise.

They have both influenced one another and incorporated the other’s views into our own, even when they disagree. Helen’s Jewish background and her attention to her cultural heritage and traditions helps Pavlo understand many things about Christianity, which grew from a Jewish context. After all, Jesus was Jewish, not Ukrainian. Many parts of the Eastern Christian wedding liturgy were inspired by Jewish sources. So, in a sense, Helen’s secular Judaism and Pavlo’s Christianity are complementary—as are many of their other character traits, backgrounds, and tastes. 

Helen and Pavlo, may you continue to challenge each other to more clearly articulate your positions, may you continue to deeply respect one another, and may you always have fun in the process.