Challenge Each Other

On Friday, August 23, 2024, I officiated Helen and Pavlo’s wedding ceremony at Esma Sultan Yalisi in Istanbul, Turkey. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

To say that Helen and Pavlo have dissident backgrounds might be the understatement of understatements. 

Helen says about her grandparents, that despite their distaste for organized religion, Jewish culture did play a significant role in their household and ethics. They were active in the anti-war and civil rights movement and had a strong sense of social responsibility. They were friends with members of the Black Panthers, Angela Davis, and Howard Zinn. They hosted Martin Luther King at their house in California a few weeks before he was killed. 

Jewish culture motivated this in many ways. They began a group called Individuals Against the Crime of Silence to oppose the war in Vietnam. Their reference point was the Holocaust and the Nuremberg Trials, and the fact that following orders or remaining silent could render an individual culpable.

Pavlo was raised Greek Catholic. His church was persecuted during the Soviet period and continued to exist underground. His paternal grandfather studied theology in the 1930s and was in touch with many clandestine church leaders. Pavlo’s father was part of the clandestine movement that was advocating for freedom of religion, human rights, and independence of Ukraine. 

In 1986 (Pavlo was 3 years old at that time) their home was searched, and his father was arrested. His parents were clandestinely married, and Pavlo was clandestinely baptized by a priest who had previously spent more than a decade in a Siberian prison and forced exile. So, for his family, their religious and national tradition is important; it is something they personally fought for. 

Pavlo presciently adds, “Perhaps there is a parallel between the Jews and Ukrainians—two peoples who survived while being under oppression, and who kept their traditions while lacking, for centuries, political sovereignty.” 

To many of you attending today, and to many who could not attend, this is not some kind of theoretical idea. It is very real. As we speak, Ukraine, under a Jewish president, fights not only for its political sovereignty, but for its life and the lives of its citizens.

And Helen and Pavlo have found the similarities and differences they share on an individual level just as enriching. They will tell you that they have spent days discussing faith and religion and Judeo-Christian relations. They disagree on most issues, which, to a large extent, helps them see things deeper, and ask questions they would have never asked otherwise.

They have both influenced one another and incorporated the other’s views into our own, even when they disagree. Helen’s Jewish background and her attention to her cultural heritage and traditions helps Pavlo understand many things about Christianity, which grew from a Jewish context. After all, Jesus was Jewish, not Ukrainian. Many parts of the Eastern Christian wedding liturgy were inspired by Jewish sources. So, in a sense, Helen’s secular Judaism and Pavlo’s Christianity are complementary—as are many of their other character traits, backgrounds, and tastes. 

Helen and Pavlo, may you continue to challenge each other to more clearly articulate your positions, may you continue to deeply respect one another, and may you always have fun in the process.