Monday, January 30, 2017

A Conspiracy of Love

Saturday evening I officiated Shana and Lane’s wedding ceremony at the Dreams Riviera Cancun, on the Riviera Maya, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

If you know Lane, you know one thing is true: You can't get this guy to shut up. (Not really.) Seriously, though, it's quite common, especially when it comes to talking about matters of the heart, for us to be less verbose than our female counterparts.

Listen, for instance, to how Lane describes the beginning of his relationship with Shana: "We met at the hospital when I was on the ambulance transporting patients. We went on several dates and decided to make it official." Yea, that's how it went... Nope.

Just listen to Shana describe the exact same thing, and I am actually leaving some of this out: "I had NEVER been someone that got "googly eyed" over a good lookin' man before; HOWEVER, let me just tell you that the first time I saw him, another nurse and I had to stop giving shift change report to stare at this most handsome man... We never really talked to each other when he came around. Just some smiles and 'Hey how's it goin?' My coworkers had enough of this unspoken flirting going on. While I wasn't around, they asked Lane what he thought about me and if he ever planned on asking me out. They gave him my number, and he contacted me a couple days later." Wow! Where Lane's description reads like a corporate press release, Shana's description could be taken out of a John Le Carre novel!
Around the time I was writing this, I was listening to Cory Booker read his audiobook, and he introduced me to a term that describes what Shana's friends did behind her back, a "conspiracy of love". In a world awash with imagined conspiracies, not many of them positive, a "conspiracy of love" is a beautiful thing.

This is not the first "conspiracy" to be "perpetrated" on this couple. Both of them describe what wonderful, loving, caring and close families they grew up in. This is the original meaning of Booker's "conspiracy of love". And, this "conspiracy" went further. After all, you don't join the most intimate of the helping professions, nursing, if your parents have not raised you to deeply care, not just for your family and friends, but for others in need. This same approach is what caused Lane to join his dad in a regular rather novel Sunday morning activity, feeding the homeless.

Having been raised this way, today is special and meaningful, because it marks the formalizing of the creation of their new family, where they can continue this "conspiracy of love." As Shana says, "I have never been 'that girl' that dreams of the big wedding day, with the big dress... What I have dreamed of is FAMILY. I desire to be married so we can try to start a family that is as close and wonderful as the families we were raised in. I want to marry because I have been blessed with a man that also values the importance and closeness of family."

Shana further underlines the significance and context of today in their lives, "The actual wedding day will be wonderful, but what I desire most is to start living the day after the wedding." What does she mean by "living"? I suspect that one simple sentence from Lane explains this: "She has the biggest heart I've ever seen in someone." That big heart means that Shana and Lane's "conspiracy of love" only starts with their family, but spreads far beyond it, to their friends, their patients and beyond. We and the rest of the world are and will be better for it.

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