Sunday, May 24, 2015

The Best Decision

Saturday evening I officiated Vanessa and Lee’s wedding ceremony at the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens in Fort Worth, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The Seven Blessings, which we will recite later in this ceremony harken back to the mythical first couple, Adam and Eve. To Adam, there was only one woman in the entire world, Eve. Every husband’s love should be so great, that it is as if there is no other woman in the world, just his wife. To Eve, there was only one man in the world, Adam. Every wife’s love should be so great, that it is as if there is no other man in the world, just her husband.

So, how do you get there? In myths, like the story of Adam and Eve, it just happens. In fairy tales like Cinderella, it is magic. The same magic that turns pumpkins into chariots, turns strangers into lovers that live together happily ever after. On TV and in the movies all characters, regardless of the setting, police station or castle, are not only as good looking as Vanessa and as broad chested as Lee, they also always know what to say in every situation. So, with brew of sexual attraction and witty one-liners are all you need. Real life does not work that way, because real life has to really work, not just on the page or in 55 minutes including commercials.

So what do you do? Well, first thing’s first, being honest with yourself and each other, that your relationship will not just form on its own, is an essential first step. Many couples get caught up in the excitement and enchantment of their love story, and they don’t realize that. Not Vanessa and Lee. They knew that their love for each other, their desire to share their lives together, was just the beginning. They are both very honest about the fact that their first three months living together were, shall we say, interesting… However, they used that time for self-reflection, to learn about each other, and to learn about the new unit they were forming together as a couple. Because they had the patience to work through this process, they came out stronger on the other end. To quote Vanessa, “It was the best decision we ever made.”

When they were ready for the next steps, engagement, marriage and building a family, they decided that they should not overlook their differences in background. Instead they decided they should fearlessly face them head on. They had deep discussions, engaged a professional to help them, and participated in active learning about their future together. A wonderful world of new possibilities and discoveries opened up to them, they fell deeper in love than they had been before. As lovers and best friends, they now look forward to a future of endless opportunities that neither of them would have found alone.

It is through this type of process that the deepest and truest of love stories are actually written. This is how real life Adams can spend the rest of their lives with real life Eves. This is how real life Cinderellas find lasting love with real Prince Charmings. This is how Vanessa and Lee will live happily ever after. Others would do well to heed their example.  

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