Make Each Other Laugh

On Saturday, April 20, 2024, I officiated Julia and Grant’s wedding ceremony at the Woodbine Mansion in Round Rock, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Grant tells the story of how they met: “I met Julia very early on into our freshman year… Some of the friends I had all lived in the same dormitory. I spent a lot of time there studying, hanging out, and meeting up for nights out. It wasn’t too long into the start of the year that Julia and her roommates began to tag along with us. 

Almost immediately, Julia and I developed a very strong bond between just the two of us. We spent a lot of time discussing and going to the movies, getting lunch in the food halls, bar hopping, and attending house parties, and about two months into the first semester, we began dating.” Sounds credible, I suppose.

Julia’s story is a little more, I say this advisedly, colorful: “When I first met Grant… he was by far the loudest in the room and was making everyone laugh until they cried. He seemed like a complete goofball. Over time my friends started to hang out with his friends and our little groups happened to combine and spend a lot of time together. 

The first thing we talked about were horror movies. He told me his favorites, and I didn’t mention the fact that horror movies give me night terrors, rather I agreed and told him how much I love horror movies too. We started to go see movies together, sometimes one a week, sometimes three times a week. We would talk for hours after about the different elements of each movie. After a while we did everything together.”

OK, let’s get serious now. Julia says: “Grant has seen me through the absolute worst moments of my life and has been there every step of the way… He has always kept me afloat. He is my rock… I couldn’t imagine living my life with anyone else but Grant. I couldn’t have prayed for a better man, best friend, or partner to live out the rest of my life with.”

Grant says: “Julia is by far my greatest friend… She is my favorite person in the entire world. I’ve known this from the moment I first met her, and this feeling only grows stronger with each passing year that we have been together. She never ceases to make me laugh when I need it. She’s always there for me when I need help or someone to lean on. She’s tough on me when she knows I need a push to achieve my full potential.”

Did you notice one very important common element they each cite? They each emphasize the ability of the other to make them laugh. That is so important. 

The Talmud, the central book of our faith, tells a story of a rabbi to whom the Prophet Elijah would appear from time to time. He is walking through the market, and he asks Elijah if any of those present in the market are guaranteed a spot in the Next World. Elijah points to two brothers and says that they are. The rabbi then asks them what they do. They say that they make people laugh. If anyone is feeling down, they cheer them up with their humor. 

Julia and Grant, that is a great lesson for marriage. If you can make each other laugh, you can usually get through anything, so keep it up, now and for many years to come.

Shifting Your Mindset

On Saturday, April 6, 2024, Mother Maddie Hill and I co-officiated Bailey and Nate’s wedding ceremony at Bowie House in Fort Worth, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Bailey recounts a wonderful method she grew up with for sussing out if a guy is worth it: “My mom taught me to make a list of qualities in a man, write them down and check on them every once in a while, when dating. My list was: Kind, funny, family man/family oriented, my kind of weird (hard to explain), raised similarly to the way I was, loving supportive parents, and motivated professionally.” 

The Jewish equivalent of this is so much simpler. It goes like this: Are they a doctor, a lawyer, or an accountant? 

Seriously, though, Bailey continues: “This gave me guidelines to find a partner that would not only love me and I love them, but would be a great father to our children, and treat me and his future family with respect. And Nate is that through and through.” That seems like a great lesson for all of us in how we should develop relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Speaking of lessons. Nate shares how meeting Bailey taught him a very important lesson about life, utterly changing him, reordering his priorities, and showing him what was really important: “I am very lucky to have found Bailey. [Before meeting Bailey] I spent… time chasing superficial things of very low value… Every decision was about what would bring me immediate satisfaction… But after coming to Fort Worth and meeting Bailey, my attitude, without me even knowing, changed to what will make me happy in the long term… 

After falling in love with Bailey, my mindset shifted from what I am going to do tomorrow to what I am going to do with her next year and beyond…  I love her very deeply, and I already love the family I picture for us very deeply, and so I want to marry her because I do not see another way to be happy without them.”

And Bailey agrees: “Nate will be a loving husband, a wonderful father, and the funniest weirdest most fun best friend a girl could ever have. I am incredibly lucky to have him by my side for the rest of our lives.”

Savor the Journey

On Saturday, March 23rd, I officiated Lindsay and David’s wedding ceremony at Winfrey Point in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Lindsay and David dated briefly in high school, but Lindsay describes what led to their real relationship years later: “During my first year of neurology residency in 2013, I was having a conversation with my mom, and she randomly asked me how David was doing.” So, thank you, Michelle, for instigating what brought us here today. 

Lindsay continues: “It was then I realized it had been several years since I last spoke with him. So, I decided to reach out to David over Facebook, and I invited him to brunch at Breadwinners. While David says it wasn’t an actual date, I felt differently at the time, even though he did make me pay for my own meal.”

In fairness to David, he was just being cautious. He says, “While I was hesitant as to her intentions (possibly looking for a free meal as a starving med student), I willingly met her, where I instantly rekindled my attraction and fondness for her.  Soon this date turned into three, which turned into even more.”

Lindsay and David dated for about ten eventful years before they took the plunge. They settled down, and as David says, he “could finally propose with a permanent banner of our ten years together hanging in our bedroom, and where we could finally marry and raise our family together, forever, as we always intended to do.”

And Lindsay said yes. As she says, “We had been together so long and we had been through so much together, I naturally said yes, since it was clearly the right time to finally make it official.” 

I think there are two important lessons in Lindsay and David’s relationship. Number one, if you ever get a second chance in life, go for it, take it, don’t hesitate. Number two, once you do take that chance, take your time if you need to, practice patience, savor the journey, until you arrive in the promised land.

This worked out well for Lindsay and David. As Lindsay says, “We are excited to continue to share our lives together and start a family in the near future, where we can raise our future children with the same beliefs and care we had growing up.” 

And as David says, “Now, I get to continue these traditions with my future wife in our home with our future children, in hopes we can pass on the same customs and beliefs we grew up with when we were children.

I Can’t Imagine

On Saturday, March 16th, I officiated Lindsey and Dan’s wedding ceremony at the Brook Hollow Golf Club in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry to write an autobiographical essay. Though this is meant to help me get to know them better, eventually, the person they are marrying gets to read their essay too. 

With that in mind, you can immediately see how smart Dan is. He writes: “I moved to Dallas at the very end of 2021 from Michigan. Surfing the dating apps, Lindsey and I matched within the first few weeks of me living here. I remember seeing her picture and my jaw literally dropped. ‘Wow!’ I thought, ‘She’s beautiful!’”

Dan made a move, and Lindsey writes: “I was cautiously optimistic about getting together,” which is exactly what you want to hear, as a guy… Why cautiously? Lindsey continues: “Cautiously because he asked me to pick the location of the date, which gave me a little pause about how serious he was, but optimistic because he seemed like a great guy. My best friend Leigh encouraged me to give him a chance and I am so glad she did!”

Dan illuminates: “Since I’d just moved here, I didn’t really know any good spots to take her. I suggested she pick the spot and I would take her there… Thankfully for me, her friend told her to keep an open mind and go, and I’m glad she did. We met for a drink and talked for a few hours. The conversation was easy and I was excited to take her out again. And the rest, as they say, is history.”

There is an incredible lesson here. It might seem almost too obvious, but it is really hard sometimes in any relationship, professional or personal, romantic or platonic, to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. And yet, this might be the most important thing we have to do. 

This certainly worked out for Dan. He says, “Lindsey is an amazing woman and friend. She has a big heart for the people she loves and would do anything for them. She’s incredibly put together… She’s going to be an amazing parent. I’ve… felt with her… a closeness that I’ve never felt with anyone else. She’s also sneakily funny… At the end of the day, she just makes me really happy. I know that I’m a better version of myself when I’m around her, and she’s already improved the man I am…”

This certainly worked out for Lindsey, too. As she says: “I am so excited to get to marry Dan. I feel so at home with him, and I love the life we are building together. I wake up every day excited… I couldn’t imagine my life without Dan, and I feel so lucky that I met him at the right time in both of our lives… I feel so ready to commit our lives to each other because it feels like we already have… I can’t imagine creating any future memories without Dan and I am so excited to call him my husband…”

A Stoic/Rabbinic Virtue

On Saturday, March 2nd, Casey Grounds and I co-officiated Ross and Chad’s wedding ceremony at The Springs in Waxahachie, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

You really can’t make up how Ross and Chad’s love story begins. I don’t mean how they met; I mean their actual falling in love. Ross says: “Sounds kinda unorthodox, but I knew I first fell in love with Chad after spending time with each other and realizing I didn’t mind him breathing on me. Some context: Having people breathe on my face/neck is a big pet peeve of mine.” LOL, as the kids might say!

Truthfully, though, Ross and Chad’s story is a truly beautiful one. They met the old-fashioned way, IRL, specifically at a gaming convention. They more than noticed each other, but were dating others at the time, so it was not to be. 

Chad picks up the story from there: “We both ended the aforementioned relationships around the same time and when I returned from a dance competition early on Memorial Day weekend in 2015, I called him to set up a dinner date. I was IMMEDIATELY smitten. I did not want to push things too much but many of my friends and students can tell you that I was literally floating around for about the next 6-9 months!”

They became a couple and moved in together, but then came another stroke of luck/challenge. Ross fulfilled a dream of getting into dental school. In San Antonio. Ouch. They made the long-distance relationship work, though, and reunited upon Ross’s graduation. 

Ross says: “Chad proposed my first day working as a dentist while we were on a date at the same place we had our very first date, Kura Sushi. It felt like a long time coming, after being together for seven years and with a deep love for each other to this day.”

Now, hopefully you have picked up on this by this point in the ceremony, but Chad is Jewish. What you may not know is that Ross follows an ancient tradition too, Stoicism. And what Ross did not realize until I wrote these remarks is that I follow that tradition too. 

I was struck by this passage in the Epistles of Seneca (one of the three great Roman Stoics, along with Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius), because it seems to describe Ross and Chad and their relationship so beautifully: “Nature bore us related to one another … She instilled in us a mutual love and made us compatible … Let us hold everything in common; we stem from a common source. Our fellowship is very similar to an arch of stones, which would fall apart, if they did not reciprocally support each other.”

The Ancient Rabbis, like the Stoics, focused on virtue and action. They ask a question about love that might sound odd to us but would make much sense to the Stoics: What commandment does one fulfill through loving one’s romantic partner? Easy, say the Rabbis, “Love your fellow as yourself.” (Side note: In the Rabbis’ wording both partners are men.) Ross and Chad, what we wish for you is that you continue to enjoy the fulfillment of this Stoic/Rabbinic virtue for many many years to come.

Create an Open Household

On Saturday, January 20th, Nelson Head and I co-officiated Kim and Josh’s wedding ceremony at the Rosewood Mansion on Turtle Creek in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Josh’s description of how he met Kim is fairly conventional. I mean, stop me if you’ve heard this one before: “I met Kim at a pumpkin carving party taking place at a co-resident’s house, where she happened to be a judge in our margarita contest.” (Pause for laughter.) OK, maybe not so conventional, after all…

This encounter did show that Josh was a forgiving man, though: “While she didn’t rank my margarita as #1, I was able to look past her mistake, and the rest of the night had an immediate spark. By the end of the night, I couldn’t wait to see her again and meet Gracie after talking most of the evening about her.”

Lest you think Josh is exaggerating about any part of this, particularly his lingering margarita related feelings, Kim backs him up: “Our first encounter was at a Halloween pumpkin carving party where no one ended up actually carving pumpkins. There was, however, a margarita making contest and to this day, Josh is insulted that I didn’t pick his as the best.”

So, what is it that makes Kim and Josh’s relationship work? I believe if you analyze it, you will see that it is a mixture, the right mixture of similarities and differences. 

Similarities? First of all, they are both not just medical professionals. For them, in light of their life experiences, medicine is a calling, a vocation; one might say they are true healers. They both absolutely, positively love Gracie, originally Kim’s, now their dog. As Kim says, “If a guy can love a dog that much then I’m pretty sure he’s a good guy.” Of course, this applies to her too.

Differences? Kim says that he can do chemistry, while she can’t. More relevant to day to day life, she says, “Josh loves to cook and I hate to. I like to clean, and he doesn’t.” Now, if you know Josh, you know she speaks the truth. Josh says: “I found myself learning how to cook from my mother and taking on the role of preparing dinner each night, sometimes more elaborate of a meal than a 16-year-old should be preparing… Continuing to cook for my friends, whether at high school reunions when we are all back in Miami, hosting Thanksgiving dinner with my father as my sous chef, or during a casual evening, cooking has become a way to show my love to those I care deeply about. Kim is still waiting for Josh to learn how to make sushi, though.”

The area of their faiths is another in which their differences have brought them together. This ceremony and the past few holiday seasons are a testament to this. As Josh says, “During our first holiday season together, I decorated my first Christmas tree and Kim lit her first Chanukiah. Getting to share each other’s traditions and talk about how we wanted to celebrate in the future and with a family was exciting and comforting—creating an open household that encourages diversity and celebrating multiple traditions.”

Kim and Josh, that is exactly what we wish for you. May your similarities and your differences continue to enliven your relationship, and may your household truly be a place of openness and diversity.

Brimming with Love

On Saturday, January 6th, I officiated Jamie and Ira’s wedding ceremony at the Carlilse Room in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

The story of Jamie and Ira’s first date is so titillating, I almost hesitate to share it during a religious ceremony, but here goes. Jamie says, “Since it was the middle of the pandemic, we had our first date watching Sunday night football and passing the New York Times crossword back and forth in Ira’s backyard with the chairs 6 feet apart (I found out later he’d actually measured).” Wow. Quite risqué. Most couples don’t complete crosswords together, much less the mac daddy, the New York Times crossword, until the fifth or sixth date, at least. 

On a more serious note, Jamie hits on something profound regarding real love. Real love, unlike in the movies, is not about fireworks and grand gestures. It is about the simple things: “I feel immensely comfortable with and comforted by Ira. He’s thoughtful and really considers my needs, continually showing me how much he cares for me. He does small but meaningful things to make my life easier and less stressful every day, sometimes without me noticing until later. I love being able to do the same for him—I want to make his life better.”

So, how did they end up here today? Well, I’m gonna guess it was not Ira’s response when they first traveled together. Ira says, “I still remember our first trip… we went to Portland Oregon… I wanted to know if we were ‘travel compatible’… After dinner, we went to a rooftop bar, and Jamie said to me, ‘I could see us getting married.’ My response? ‘I don’t disagree.’ Note: Not the best time to use that phrase.”

Getting back to the question at hand, how did we end up here today? Ira says, “The answer is simple. it just feels right. She’s a good person who cares about doing right by everyone. Everything is easy.” This reminded me of the immortal words of the Zac Brown Band, “You make loving you easy. You make loving you all I wanna do. Every little smile, every little touch reminds me just how much it all makes loving you easy.”

And Jamie uses a word I have yet to hear regarding love, but I don’t know why because more people should. Between the crosswords and what she does for a living, I’m not surprised though: “I am brimming with love for Ira. I love his family and his friends, and I love that he’s become a dog person. (Shout out to Dennis!) I am happier when I am with him, and my love for him continues to grow. I am excited to continue building our life together, and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him… I want to stand up with Ira in front of our friends and family and share our love with all of them.”