Boldly Seek Out Life’s Adventures

On Sunday, May 26, 2024, I officiated Alexis and Rob’s wedding ceremony at the Dallas Arboretum (Jonsson Color Garden) in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry to write an autobiographical essay, discussing their life and spiritual history, how they met, why they want to get married, and why now. Note, I do not ask for their honeymoon plans. Alexis, however, volunteered this: “In the ceremony, maybe we leave out the part about how my ideal honeymoon is a week-long guided hallucinogenic trip in Central America. Or not. Your call.”

Understandably, this surprised me. But the more I learn about Alexis and Rob, the more I appreciate and understand their mutual desire to explore the vastness of the world, take risks together in order to grow, and support one another along the way, and in their own way. In their ketubah, a Jewish written form of vows they signed before the ceremony, Alexis and Rob vow, “Together, we will boldly seek out life’s adventures and actively pursue the richness and fullness of a life well lived.” It is this sense of wanderlust and drive for an enriched life which brought them together over 10 years ago. 

Long before they met, Alexis and Rob each joined the Peace Corps, a government agency established by President John F. Kennedy, which sends volunteers abroad to promote peace through global service. Rob served two years in rural Morocco. Alexis, inspired to join the Peace Corps by her uncle, Jim Bass, who served in Peru in the early 1960s, served three years in Botswana.

Back stateside, subsequent to their terms of service, they each sought community with fellow Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs), and each, in turn, joined the same RPCV group, Rob a few years prior to Alexis. In this group they sought camaraderie with like-minded individuals devoted to community service, and it was at one of the group’s gatherings that they met.

Since then, they have built a life together filled with adventures and challenges: national and international travels, backpacking through Yosemite, urban exploration, scuba diving anywhere they can, renovating a house (since 2018!), and building community here in Dallas. 

Rob throws himself into building and driving racecars, and funds this hobby with his motorsports photography company. Alexis volunteers heavily on committees in both Peace Corps and commercial real estate related nonprofit organizations. Truly, they have a hard time sitting still. Each encourages the other to take on new interests and strive to reach their fullest potential.

As with any relationship, not every day can be sunshine and sea turtles. After 10 years, Alexis and Rob joke that they have done more relationship work before marriage than many do years into their marriage – but this work has undoubtedly paid off. They have learned to listen and communicate, and now value their differences as much as their similarities. They believe, that, to again quote their ketubah, “By appreciating one another’s perspectives, we will gain a wider view of the world around us.”

Alexis and Rob, thank you for exemplifying this important idea in your lives. May others learn from you and follow in your path, and may you continue to carry your passion for understanding the beauty of the world, the gratitude for your community, and your fierce love for one another into your marriage. As you’ve worked hard to create a house together, may you now create a home, one set upon the foundation of marriage.

Can’t Argue with Results

On Saturday, May 18, 2024, I officiated Jessica and Joe’s wedding ceremony at the Texas Discovery Gardens in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Jessica tells the story of how she and Joe met: “We first met when one of our mutual friends picked me up to grab a drink and Joe was tagging along. Joe claims he said hi, but if you ask me, he never said a word the entire way to the bar. Shocking for him. Once we arrived Joe ordered a round of Jell-O shots, dropped them on the table, and then left, without a word. As Joe likes to say, ‘Can't argue with results!’”

This story is emblematic of Jessica and Joe’s personalities as individuals and as a couple. You see very little ego. They don’t take themselves too seriously. This might sound like a frivolous idea to you, but philosophically, this is very important for the individual human psyche.

More than that, the late great British philosopher, Alan Watts, preached about the importance of this very idea that for the sake of humanity, you must not take yourself too seriously. One might even argue that some of the greatest historic tragedies are due to the fact that people took themselves too seriously.

And not taking yourself too seriously is vital for our interpersonal relationships. The Torah commands us to love our fellow as ourselves. If everyone took this maxim seriously and really followed it, imagine how wonderful life would be. By its very nature, loving the other as we love ourselves necessitates at its very core not taking ourselves too seriously.

The Ancient Rabbis ask a fascinating question: What commandment does one fulfill through love and marriage. Their answer is the very verse I just quoted. The most supreme manifestation of the commandment to love one’s fellow as oneself is through a deep romantic relationship. It is this type of relationship that teaches us that it, and I mean it in the broadest sense possible, is not about us. Thus, don’t take yourself too seriously.

Jessica and Joe, what we wish for you is that you keep that spark that began your relationship, that spark that has stayed with you ever since. Don’t take yourselves too seriously, and through that may you enjoy an ongoing deep love for many years to come.  

Being Present

On Sunday, May 12, 2024, I officiated Kim and Sam’s wedding ceremony at the Grand Palladium Costa Mujeres in Cancun, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

What strikes me the most about Kim and Sam is that these are two very deep people, who really think about their place in the world, and very much care about other people. One might say that there is no better way to live.

This is exemplified early in Sam’s life while he was attending Hebrew school. Now, for most people Hebrew school is a horrid experience. If you have seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, it’s identical to the Greek school scenes in that movie, just not funny. Sam, however, learned this:

“One thing that was always impactful in Hebrew school or after services was at the end, we would always sing the Mi Shebeirach, the prayer for healing, and I would hear people voice loved ones in need of healing. That was always a beautiful and bittersweet experience, but it always made me think about those important to me.”

And Kim describes their very meeting each other in spiritual terms: “My friends, at the University of Redlands, decided they wanted to go to a track meet that was happening at a nearby college to support our team. While there I remember seeing a person (Sam) run a race alone for whatever reason. I didn’t think much of it. Later that night I was hanging out with some friends in the freshman’s dorm. We were watching a movie when Sam came out of his room to the water fountain. My friend started chatting with him and instantly I knew he was special. This felt almost like a spiritual moment, like I knew he would eventually be my husband (this is something that I kept to myself for a very long time). We ended up talking for hours. A week later we were officially dating.”

This fits well with something Sam says he learned, again, back in Hebrew school: “A rabbi explained to us what he saw as God – and it was in the feelings you get from a conversation with another, experiencing the beauty and magnificence of nature, and anything that leads you to learning more about the world. That really resonated with me, because if that is how we experience and feel connected to God, not just some divine power guiding the way with a bunch of rules to follow, I could really get onboard with that.”

And this approach figured into how Kim says she reprioritized things in life, due to challenges in recent years leading up to this day: “These moments really showed me what was important in my life… I knew I needed to start living my life in the moment and being present because you never know… During this time Sam was so supportive and strong for me… He was there for me and really showed me that we needed to be married…”

A Rainbow in Someone’s Cloud

On Saturday, May 4, 2024, I officiated Holly and Emily’s wedding ceremony at the Addison Grove in Austin, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Emily and Holly’s relationship illuminates the power of connection and the profound impact we have on each other’s lives. It demonstrates how love and shared values can bridge differences and allow us to weather adversity. 

Emily and Holly connected easily, a connection which quickly blossomed into a bond that felt like family. They found in each other not just a partner, but a confidante, and a source of endless laughter. They support each other through adversity, celebrate each other’s achievements, and above all, make each other feel safe and loved.

Emily cherishes Holly’s kindness, patience, and intelligence, and admires her perseverance. Holly found in Emily a partner who is generous, kind, and supportive. They both appreciate each other’s sense of humor and the joy of being silly together. They challenge each other, inspire each other to strive to be better, and constantly align their actions with their shared values.

One of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou is, “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” This quote encapsulates the essence of Holly and Emily’s relationship. They are each other’s rainbow, brightening each other’s lives and providing support through life’s challenges.

Their shared values, family, hard work, and social justice form the foundation of their relationship. Despite their diverse backgrounds and experiences, their values align remarkably well. They trust each other to uphold these values as they navigate life together and embark on the journey of forming a family. They have already weathered many challenges, and their enduring love and trust in each other bolster their confidence to face whatever the future may bring.

Their love story is a beautiful testament to how love can bridge differences and create a bond that is stronger than the sum of its parts. As we celebrate their union today, let us remember the lessons they have taught us about love, resilience, and the power of shared values. May their journey inspire us all to strive for such depth and authenticity in our own relationships. May we all learn to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

Make Each Other Laugh

On Saturday, April 20, 2024, I officiated Julia and Grant’s wedding ceremony at the Woodbine Mansion in Round Rock, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Grant tells the story of how they met: “I met Julia very early on into our freshman year… Some of the friends I had all lived in the same dormitory. I spent a lot of time there studying, hanging out, and meeting up for nights out. It wasn’t too long into the start of the year that Julia and her roommates began to tag along with us. 

Almost immediately, Julia and I developed a very strong bond between just the two of us. We spent a lot of time discussing and going to the movies, getting lunch in the food halls, bar hopping, and attending house parties, and about two months into the first semester, we began dating.” Sounds credible, I suppose.

Julia’s story is a little more, I say this advisedly, colorful: “When I first met Grant… he was by far the loudest in the room and was making everyone laugh until they cried. He seemed like a complete goofball. Over time my friends started to hang out with his friends and our little groups happened to combine and spend a lot of time together. 

The first thing we talked about were horror movies. He told me his favorites, and I didn’t mention the fact that horror movies give me night terrors, rather I agreed and told him how much I love horror movies too. We started to go see movies together, sometimes one a week, sometimes three times a week. We would talk for hours after about the different elements of each movie. After a while we did everything together.”

OK, let’s get serious now. Julia says: “Grant has seen me through the absolute worst moments of my life and has been there every step of the way… He has always kept me afloat. He is my rock… I couldn’t imagine living my life with anyone else but Grant. I couldn’t have prayed for a better man, best friend, or partner to live out the rest of my life with.”

Grant says: “Julia is by far my greatest friend… She is my favorite person in the entire world. I’ve known this from the moment I first met her, and this feeling only grows stronger with each passing year that we have been together. She never ceases to make me laugh when I need it. She’s always there for me when I need help or someone to lean on. She’s tough on me when she knows I need a push to achieve my full potential.”

Did you notice one very important common element they each cite? They each emphasize the ability of the other to make them laugh. That is so important. 

The Talmud, the central book of our faith, tells a story of a rabbi to whom the Prophet Elijah would appear from time to time. He is walking through the market, and he asks Elijah if any of those present in the market are guaranteed a spot in the Next World. Elijah points to two brothers and says that they are. The rabbi then asks them what they do. They say that they make people laugh. If anyone is feeling down, they cheer them up with their humor. 

Julia and Grant, that is a great lesson for marriage. If you can make each other laugh, you can usually get through anything, so keep it up, now and for many years to come.

Shifting Your Mindset

On Saturday, April 6, 2024, Mother Maddie Hill and I co-officiated Bailey and Nate’s wedding ceremony at Bowie House in Fort Worth, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Bailey recounts a wonderful method she grew up with for sussing out if a guy is worth it: “My mom taught me to make a list of qualities in a man, write them down and check on them every once in a while, when dating. My list was: Kind, funny, family man/family oriented, my kind of weird (hard to explain), raised similarly to the way I was, loving supportive parents, and motivated professionally.” 

The Jewish equivalent of this is so much simpler. It goes like this: Are they a doctor, a lawyer, or an accountant? 

Seriously, though, Bailey continues: “This gave me guidelines to find a partner that would not only love me and I love them, but would be a great father to our children, and treat me and his future family with respect. And Nate is that through and through.” That seems like a great lesson for all of us in how we should develop relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Speaking of lessons. Nate shares how meeting Bailey taught him a very important lesson about life, utterly changing him, reordering his priorities, and showing him what was really important: “I am very lucky to have found Bailey. [Before meeting Bailey] I spent… time chasing superficial things of very low value… Every decision was about what would bring me immediate satisfaction… But after coming to Fort Worth and meeting Bailey, my attitude, without me even knowing, changed to what will make me happy in the long term… 

After falling in love with Bailey, my mindset shifted from what I am going to do tomorrow to what I am going to do with her next year and beyond…  I love her very deeply, and I already love the family I picture for us very deeply, and so I want to marry her because I do not see another way to be happy without them.”

And Bailey agrees: “Nate will be a loving husband, a wonderful father, and the funniest weirdest most fun best friend a girl could ever have. I am incredibly lucky to have him by my side for the rest of our lives.”

Savor the Journey

On Saturday, March 23rd, I officiated Lindsay and David’s wedding ceremony at Winfrey Point in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Lindsay and David dated briefly in high school, but Lindsay describes what led to their real relationship years later: “During my first year of neurology residency in 2013, I was having a conversation with my mom, and she randomly asked me how David was doing.” So, thank you, Michelle, for instigating what brought us here today. 

Lindsay continues: “It was then I realized it had been several years since I last spoke with him. So, I decided to reach out to David over Facebook, and I invited him to brunch at Breadwinners. While David says it wasn’t an actual date, I felt differently at the time, even though he did make me pay for my own meal.”

In fairness to David, he was just being cautious. He says, “While I was hesitant as to her intentions (possibly looking for a free meal as a starving med student), I willingly met her, where I instantly rekindled my attraction and fondness for her.  Soon this date turned into three, which turned into even more.”

Lindsay and David dated for about ten eventful years before they took the plunge. They settled down, and as David says, he “could finally propose with a permanent banner of our ten years together hanging in our bedroom, and where we could finally marry and raise our family together, forever, as we always intended to do.”

And Lindsay said yes. As she says, “We had been together so long and we had been through so much together, I naturally said yes, since it was clearly the right time to finally make it official.” 

I think there are two important lessons in Lindsay and David’s relationship. Number one, if you ever get a second chance in life, go for it, take it, don’t hesitate. Number two, once you do take that chance, take your time if you need to, practice patience, savor the journey, until you arrive in the promised land.

This worked out well for Lindsay and David. As Lindsay says, “We are excited to continue to share our lives together and start a family in the near future, where we can raise our future children with the same beliefs and care we had growing up.” 

And as David says, “Now, I get to continue these traditions with my future wife in our home with our future children, in hopes we can pass on the same customs and beliefs we grew up with when we were children.