Sunday, November 10, 2019

Journey Together

Saturday evening, Father Bryan Shields and I co-officiated Malise and Adam’s wedding ceremony, in the Academy of the Sacred Heart Chapel, in New Orleans, Louisiana. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

I ask every person I marry to write an autobiographical essay, which serves as the raw material for these remarks. Sometimes, what they write is so powerful, the remarks almost write themselves. This is one of those cases. 

Listen to how they describe their feelings for and gratitude towards each other. Malise says, “I have never met a man like Adam. He is one of the most patient, understanding, and kind people I have ever met. Having only met him three months after I moved to New York, I was unsure if I wanted a boyfriend at that time, but he quickly became a constant in my life and provided a sense of comfort and support I cannot live without…” 

And Adam says, “I want to marry Malise because she makes me a better and happier person… She makes me laugh, accepts all of my quirks, stimulates me intellectually, and forces me to always try to improve myself… I…  can tell she'll be an incredible mother…” 

How do you get there? The answer is almost too simple: Open and clear communication, coupled with respect for the other person’s autonomy. Malise and Adam are explicit about this. Adam says: “We… have had a very upfront and communicative relationship… (We are) both… fairly opinionated and stubborn… but… we… discuss things openly and calmly with one another and respect each other’s thoughts. To me this is one of the key reasons we get along so well.” 

Malise agrees: “We have talked a lot about our future life together… how we want to keep open and constant communication… neither of us expect the other to change… who they are for each other.”

That’s why Adam says, “Given how open we have always been with each other… I believe we're ready to get married now… we look forward to embarking on that journey together really as soon as possible.” 

And it is this clarity that drives Malise to say, “I believe it wholeheartedly when each of us says we will be together forever… He is simply the perfect match for me… There is no better time than now to start our next chapter.”

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