I realize this is going to
sound cheesy, but if you can’t be cheesy at a wedding, where can you be? One of
my favorite songs is You Are the Reason, by Calum Scott, specifically, the duet
version with Leona Lewis. I have listened to it/watched it on YouTube numerous
times. Thinking about Melissa and Nick, their relationship, their journey,
their unbelievable growth, I couldn’t help think of this song.
The song fits them on so
many different levels. Just listen to a few words from the crescendo of the
song, which I will read, not sing (don’t worry):
… I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
… Cause I need you to see
That you are the reason…
(I don't wanna fight no
more)
(I don't wanna hurt no more)
(I don't wanna cry no more)
(Come back, I need you to
hold me closer now)
You are the reason…
(I need you to hold me
tonight)
I want to ask what might
seem like an odd question: Who is the, “You”, in “You are the Reason”? You
might scoff at the question. You might say, it’s obvious. The “You” is the
person’s romantic partner.
On one level that is true,
and you can see this in what Melissa and Nick say about each other, in a
fashion reminiscent of the song. Nick says, “We have had one heck of a ride the
past six years. We have been through so much together… We put everything aside
and forgave each other, and figured it out… I really see what’s important to me
in life, and I understand more… now than ever what it is to be married to someone
you love.” And Melissa says, “Nick and I had a picture-perfect relationship on
the outside, but for many years, we really struggled... Nick stuck with me
through the worst… I will be forever grateful for the way he has loved me
through my darkest times... He is a true example of unconditional love.”
Melissa and Nick, however,
clarify that there is another level here, another You, if you will. Nick says,
“A wedding (now) means something totally different than it did before… We have
God in our relationship guiding us, and with that there is nothing we can’t
do.” And Melissa agrees, “I believe that God put us together for a reason… God
has re-invented our relationship. Today it is better than I could have ever
imagined.”
Still, if you just stay at
that level of understanding, you are missing something extremely significant.
After all, we have all seen some version of the t-shirt I saw once in the
French Quarter, with these words: “God loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re
not a really nice person.” (That’s not really what it says, but you get the
idea…) And we certainly have seen folks that we wanted to gift that t-shirt
to...
In the Ethics of Fathers,
Rabbi Hillel, the Elder, clarifies the highest level of You, “If I am only for
myself, who am I?” The highest level of You, the best way to find your purpose,
is through making others people’s lives just a little better. As Melissa says,
but really as we all should say, “Today we live for giving… We have found a new
purpose in life, helping others.” That is the highest level of purpose in life.
And both Hillel and Melissa use the present tense, because you should be doing
this, not just have done this or commit to doing it sometime in the future.
Because as Rabbi Hillel adds in a final admonition that Melissa and Nick do not
need, but some of us may, as we follow their example, “If not now, when?”
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